The Lonely
by Stephani3mk
Summary: Callie is struggling with a lot of different feelings and self destructive habits that she needs to break, but first she needs to accept love from the Fosters so that they can help her through them. This will contain heavy topics, so if you don't like that, I advise against reading this story. Please Review and let me know what you think or give suggestions. I don't own the Fosters
1. Chapter 1

I have officially been in the Foster household for 4 months. For some reason, it may actually be the hardest house that I have been in. I am beginning to love these people when I have trained my entire life to not let anyone in. These people who I have only known for 120 days are making a way into my heart. My one rule is to never let my guard down. It is becoming harder and harder everyday to push them away.

Jude is already looking at the Fosters like family. I know I have lost him. He loves them and there is no way I can change that. Hey, I love them too, but I can't tell them that. This is a temporary home. I refuse to lose anyone else. So I don't let anyone in. I have become friends with them, but I always keep conversation light and on the surface. I am too messy inside. I can't risk my mess, screwing up Jude's chances to be apart of this family. I hope that they fall in love with him completely and adopt him. I know if they knew everything inside me, they would kick us out. I can't let them in for Jude and I can't lose any more family members. I have to look at them as my friends or allies.

I realize that I have been lost in my thoughts as I look up at the dinner table. I slowly look at everyone, one by one. I start off with Jude. He is laughing at Jesus and Marianna. Jesus accidentally squirted ketchup on her and she is not impressed. Lena is trying to diffuse the fight while commenting how her cooking doesn't even need ketchup in the first place. I then travel to Brandon who is studying his sheet music. I am about to turn my attention to Stef but I feel her eyes on me. I know she is staring at me with concern. I can see it out of the corner of my eye. I don't like that her and Lena can so easily figure out when something is bothering me. I have to think of something fast so she doesn't think anything is wrong. If I play my cards right I can make it seem like I am just tired. I quickly yawn and smile at the interaction between Jesus and Marianna. I still haven't looked at her. I know that I need to though because then she will wonder why I don't want to make eye contact.

Gosh this is so hard. No house has ever cared enough to keep a close eye on me. It is almost impossible to hide your feelings. I look over at her, still smiling, and she smiles back. It is genuine but I can tell she is still concerned. I realize I had been staring off into space for a good fifteen minutes and almost everyone is done eating. I look down in defeat and realize that my plate is still full. I haven't taken one bite.

I look down at the plate. There is chicken, broccoli, and mashed potatoes. I know I need to eat. I don't want to. Food is the one thing I can control and right now I don't feel like eating. I start to get upset that I have to force myself to eat just to hide how I am truly feeling. Why do they even care!

I look at my options and decide to go for some broccoli. I take a bite and act like I am joining in on the fun. I know I should probably say something now, so it looks like I am not avoiding conversation. I am always quiet at dinner but I still talk. I tune back into the table and try and think of something to say. I look over at Jude and I know he can tell I am internally struggling. There is a weird unspoken language between us. He knows my needs, and I know his. I always put Jude's needs before mine but sometimes I let him help me, when I know he is completely taken care of. He looks over to Stef and Lena who are looking at each other concerned. He turns back to me and sighs. Jude knows how much I hate when people are watching me so intently so he tries to make the attention on me positive.

Jude looks at me with a big grin and says, "I got a B in my math test today Callie!". Genius. Directing good news my way so that I have to respond.

I give him a sincere smile as everyone cheers and congratulates him. Part because I am truly proud of him and the other because of the silent conversation we are having as I thank him for helping me.

"That is so great buddy!" I ruffle his hair and give him a kiss on the head.

I know I should probably say something else so I think of the first think that comes to my mind.

"We got assigned a new project today in Timothy's class. You have to write about an event that has changed you for the good, and then one that has changed you for the bad, but I am stumped what to write about." It was the perfect thing to say. I am making conversation and I am applying that I need help, without truly asking. I don't ask for anything, but I know that is will please Lena and Stef that I "asked" for some type of guidance. I had to do something big so they stop looking at me with worry in their eyes. I took a bite of chicken.

I receive soft smiles from Stef and Lena. Crisis averted. I take a sip of water as well just to be safe.

"Why don't you write about how we lost mom?" As soon as the words come out of Jude's mouth, I start to choke and spit a bit of the water out of my mouth. I now have looks of worry on every single member of the Foster family. Great, I was so close.

I look at Jude who looks scared, confused, hurt, and worried all at the same time. Then I see shock. He looks up at me scared, knowing I am going to be upset. We had one rule that I pressed Jude on everyday. No talking about mom, or anything that happened to me. I let Jude talk to Stef and Lena about what he suffered through only. That way, they will fall for him by giving him comfort and give him this safe home he deserves.

I weigh my options, act sad and hurt, or blow it off and calm Jude's fears. Of course, I pick Jude's needs first. I give him a smile and say, "I don't think so buddy, but thanks for the suggestion." I look down and start eating potatoes. I look back up and everyone quickly pretends like they were not just looking at me. I turn to Jude and give him the look that says, we will talk about this later. I smile at him though, to assure him I still love him. In the end, there is nothing he could do that would truly prevent me from loving him.


	2. Chapter 2

I made it through dinner only having to eat about half of what was on my plate. I am pretty sure Stef and Lena felt bad about what Jude had said so they let me off the hook. I walk away from the table knowing I was being watched by everyone. I wasn't sure where I should go. I wanted to be alone, but knew that Stef or Lena would be up shortly to check on me. I made it to my room and sat there for a few minutes contemplating. I decided not to stay because I wanted to avoid the awkward looks from Mariana. I can just picture her occasionally looking up at me, trying to figure out if she should say something or not. I really didn't want to deal with that. I tried to think if there was something I could do that would keep me busy enough without being disturbed.

I decided to go find Jude. I am headed down to grab him when I run into Lena at the top of the steps. Great. There is something about Lena that just makes me want to hug her. She is so gentle and kind that it makes me want to be held by her while I cry away my problems.

"Hey Sweetheart, are you doing okay?", she asks softly while patting my arm. I involuntary pull away from her touch. I have learned to not pull away from their touches, but when my emotions are high my walls naturally build higher. I secretly love the affection they give me, but would never admit that to anyone.

I can tell she is hurt by the way I respond to her hand on my arm. I gently smile and find myself grabbing her hand in my own to comfort this beautiful woman I secretly desire to be my mother some day. As soon as I realize what I have done I stiffen. I don't want to hurt her again so I just stay that way. She eyes me curiously. I can tell she see's the struggle on my face about what to do. I went from my guard completely up, then completely down, to back up again. What are these people doing to me?!

"Sorry", I stutter as I smile the most innocent one I can muster up and slowly return her hand to her side. I feel her squeeze my hand before allowing me to release my hand in hers.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?". I stare at her for a second. I start to wonder how she would react if I told her how I was feeling. The emotional anguish I feel and the desire to disappear. My guard slowly starts falling by the look she is giving me. Her eyes are so full of love and kindness I just want her help. I NEED her help. Wait, no. Stop. She wont understand, she won't want you here anymore.

"No, thanks." I look away from her eyes. I can't keep looking into them. They are breaking me down. I need to leave now, or I am going to crumble. I begin to look around the room trying to see my out. I think she notices this because she takes a step closer and puts both of her hands on my arms. I don't flinch away. Wait, shouldn't I have flinched? Is she successfully getting me to let her in?

She looks directly into my eyes. Crap.

"Callie honey, I am here for you. So is Stef, we all are. You just have to let us. We want to be there for you, we want you to come to us when you are struggling. Honey, I can see the hurt in your eyes and the desire to want to be close. I can feel it right now. Don't fight it. You don't need to escape me, because I am here and am not going anywhere, got it?"

I slowly nod and instinctively bite my lip. I am not sure what to do at this point. I just wish I could open up to her but I know I can't. I can't let her see my mess and I can't lose another person I love. Love. That word is such a curse. It makes people crazy. It destroys you and makes you complete at the same time. All I know is that everyone I love gets hurt and leaves. I can't take that chance.

"Okay, well I will let you go find Jude. I am assuming that's where you were headed?" How did she know that? How do they know everything?

"Yup, I was just gonna go check on him".

"Alright sweetheart, if you need something you know Stef and I are here. You can come to us anytime".

"Yeah, I know. Thanks." I don't wait for a response I just quickly head down the stairs. I am about to go into the living room and see Stef sitting on the couch with her head rested against her hand staring at the floor. I know she knows I am there but she doesn't move. Gosh, they are everywhere. I can't repeat what just happened upstairs so I hurry along and practically run into the kitchen.

"Hey bud". Finally I get to my safety net. They are just about finished cleaning up for dinner. I begin to feel guilty that I didn't stay and help clean when I realize that Jesus, Mariana, and Brandon were all helping Jude instead of me like I was supposed to. An uneasy feeling begins to creep in when I realize that they all stayed and help Jude just because they wanted to. It wasn't their turn to do the dishes. Wow. It almost makes me think, maybe I am not needed.

I look back at Jude to find we were left alone in the perfectly spotless kitchen. Shoot, I really need to stop thinking so intently around other people. It takes me to a completely different world and I am so unaware of my surroundings.

"Hey, sorry I was…"

"Distracted?", he calmly questions.

"Yeah".

"Look Callie, I am sorry about the Mom comment. I didn't even realize what I was saying until it was already out of my mouth. I just feel so comfortable here that I didn't feel the need to filter myself. I didn't mean to make you sad." I see the sorrow in his eyes and my heart breaks. I never want to see that look on his face.

"Its okay. I am glad that you are comfortable here baby. The Fosters are good people".

"Than why do you push them away?" Well I wasn't expecting that. I look down and shuffle my feet. What do I say to him? I can't explain the real reason because then he will want to know what is going on inside of me. I also can't discourage him by reminding him this is a temporary home, because I want him to get adopted. I can't let him push them away. He has nothing bad about him. He is pure good.

I look back up unsure what to say. I always give him reassuring words and wisdom but what do I say to this? I have no clue what to do.

"'Look Jude the Fosters are amazing, but I can't get too attached because this is not our home, it is a stop." I know it was kind of harsh, but I know Jude. He won't push them away. Not now. They are a part of him and he loves them. They are a part of me too.

"I bet they would surprise you Callie, you just need to put in the effort". With that he walked out of the room and I could tell he was discouraged by the way he walked with his head slightly downward and his shoulders slouched.

I suddenly miss Lena's closeness. I feel so alone in this empty kitchen. I wish Stef was there bringing me into one of her big hugs while she kisses my head. I want a Mama sandwich.

I begin to reprimand myself for having those desires. I can't want those things. It makes me nervous that I crave their touch, their closeness, and relationship so much because it is beginning to get harder and harder to push them away. I don't want to talk about how I feel, but I want the comfort and the closeness, that I know I would receive if I talked to them about how I felt.

I lost track of time again. How long have I been standing in this kitchen? I wonder if it is safe to travel upstairs without any run-ins. Who knows what I will do this time.

"Hey Sweets", I hear Stef say. I look up to see Stef and Lena walking into the kitchen. I glance over to the clock. I have been standing in here for 30 minutes staring at the floor. How long have I been standing here?

"Hi, uh, sorry I was just going upstairs to do homework". I hurriedly walk past them. I am about to leave the room when something stops me. I can't seem to move. I need their help. I need to allow them to love me. I know it is only a matter of time until I hit rock bottom and don't find any purpose for being here.

I slowly turn around and see them looking at me with concern. One hug. That's not that bad. It is human nature to crave closeness and physical touch from those you love. People hug their friends. It's not like I am actually letting them know what is going on inside me. Maybe this one hug is safe just for now. Just today, and then I will never initiate a hug again.

I look up. They are close enough together that I could hug them both at the same time. I don't want them to think that I am choosing one over the other.

I practically run into them and wrap my arm around them both. I instantly feel their arms wrap around me, tightly. It turns into a Mama sandwich as they adjust so I am in-between them. I just grab the closest thing to me and realize that it is Stef. I decide since this is the last time, I can hold on tightly. I feel Stef kiss my head as Lena holds on tighter from behind. I don't want to let go. Partially because I don't want them to ask questions but also because right here, I feel safe. In-between my two foster moms I feel loved, cared for, and protected. My pain subsides while they are holding me. Everything feels okay when I am in the arms of Stef and Lena Foster.

I start to feel the tears well in my eyes. Go away, go away, go away. I begin to chant that over and over in my head. I stop chanting when I hear Stef's voice in my ear.

"You are okay love. You are loved and safe. There is nothing to worry about. Shh.. Its okay". I feel Lena's hands begin to rub circles on my back. I just realized I am crying, I am near hysteria but am quiet enough that it is not sobs.

I know there is no way that I can convince them I am okay now. What am I going to do? I make myself stop crying and pull myself away. I can't look in their eyes. I look to the ground and mutter, "I'm sorry".

"Never say that you are sorry for seeking comfort from us, love. We love you and are so glad that you finally felt like you could trust us enough to give you the comfort you needed in that moment." I begin to back away, still not looking up.

I forgot Lena was behind me because I bump into her. I feel a blush creep onto my cheeks. I feel her arms wrap around me. My head lifts but I don't dare look at Stef. I can feel her eyes piercing me. I sit there wrapped in Lena's arms, while she leans her head on my hair. I lean into her touch sighing and closing my eyes, which causes many unshed tears to quickly fall.

I feel movement around me and feel hands on my face. I don't open my eyes.

"Sweets, look at me." Stef's voice sounds pained, almost like she hurts too. "I know it is hard baby but you need to talk to us. You are scaring me, love. Mama, too." My eyes fly open at the name. Mama? That was the first time they have ever implied that they were my mothers. I look at Stef, confused and scared.

"Sorry love, it just cam out naturally. We know that something is bothering you but you have been holding it in for weeks. We notice love, we can see it in your eyes, the way you walk, we know you hurt. Talk to us, let us know how we can help. We can't help if we don't know what's wrong." I need to get out. I need to get out fast.

I pull away from Lena's embrace and stand away from the pair a little. I see discouragement from them both. We all realized together that my walls have shot back up. I begin to feel depressed instantly. I need release and fast. I will just avoid Stef's comment all together and hopefully she won't bring it up.

"I was planning on taking a shower before bed, I should head up before it gets too late, I will see you in the morning." I see defeat on their faces as I take a quick glance before rushing out of the kitchen. I run up the stairs to the bathroom and lock the door. I carefully get into the shower and cry. I cry so hard that I have to clasp my hand over my mouth not to be heard. I reach around the shower curtain and turn on the fan to make it louder in the room. I feel so desperate. So hurt, I need relief and I need it now. I glance up at the spare razors in the bathroom. It had been a while since I cut last and I know that I should keep it that way. I decided that because I had allowed a wall to go down, I deserve to be punished. Cutting was no way a punishment but it hurt. Shouldn't it be a punishment? Why does the physical pain take away the emotional one?

I carefully take the razor apart and take out the blade. It feels so good in my hands. It has been so long. I look down at it and instantly feel better. I know that in just a few seconds, I won't feel a thing.


	3. Chapter 3

I look down at the fresh cuts on my left wrist. Six perfect slashes all lined up. I can see they are trying to bleed but the water from the showerhead washes the blood away instantly. I am in a trance as I watch the water hit the cuts and stop the blood from traveling far down my arm. How long have I been in here? Should the cuts still be bleeding?

It must have been quite a long time because I hear a knock and the voice of a concerned Stef.

"You okay, sweets?"

I am afraid to speak because I know that my voice will most likely crack. With all the confidence I can muster up I shout. "Yup, I am almost done." I hope there is enough confidence in my voice to keep her satisfied.

I haven't actually done anything other than cut so I hurriedly wash my hair and clean myself up. I shut the water off and hear shuffling outside. I know they are right out the door. I start to panic. Do they know what I am doing? I notice the bleeding has mostly subsided apart form an occasional drop. I clean the remaining blood and wrap myself up in my towel. I quickly grab some Band-Aids and put them on the marks just incase. I don't want to accidentally drip blood anywhere and cause suspicion. If they are right out the door I have to be careful. I hold my left arm close to my body with my wrist pressed against the towel. I decide to use that hand to hold the towel together so I have an excuse not to move that arm.

I quietly leave the bathroom and begin to walk towards my room. Lena and Stef come out of their bedroom, that I know they just returned to, and give me a look. I can't tell what they want, so I wait.

"You okay?" Lena asks cautiously.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I regretted it after it left my mouth because now I have caused them to think deeper about their concern for me.

Stef looks up at me as if I am crazy for actually asking that question. "Well, you barely ate or talked at dinner, you escaped the room quickly after Jude's comment, looked at Lena with pleading eyes at the top of the steps, then stood in the kitchen for thirty minutes staring at the ground. You begin to leave once we finally speak up, then something made you stop and run back while you then proceed to hold onto us like your life depended on it. You make another excuse and run upstairs to lock yourself in the bathroom for forty-five minutes. It makes sense that we are considered love."

Why did I ask them that question? I look down not sure what to say.

I hear Lena's voice, "You need to talk to us honey."

"Guys, I am standing in the middle of the hallway dripping wet with a towel wrapped around me. Can I please go put clothes on".

"Sure sweets.", Stef says reluctantly. "But, when you are done come find us."

"I actually have some homework that I need to do and I am not sure how long it will take, but it is due tomorrow so I have to get it done."

"Alright, well go get ready for bed and do homework. We will come in and check on you in a little while." I hold my groan and the urge to mumble, "Of course you will." I know they say goodnight to everyone every night but still, right now it seems more of a burden.

I slowly walk to my room and let out a deep breath I didn't know I was holding. I look over to see Mariana texting. What am I supposed to do now, what if she see's the cuts?

Mariana and I have gotten used to changing in front of each other since we have been in a room together for four months. I feel my wrist brush up against the towel and start to panic. I can't let go, she will see my cuts. I start thinking of a way out of this situation.

I am interrupted by my thoughts when I hear Mariana state, "Since when did you get self conscious? Come on Call's, it's me, you have changed in front of me like twenty billion times." I look at her and slowly nod. I can tell she is confused by my actions because they are so out of character. She doesn't press for more information though, she just smiles and continues texting.

Out of all the Fosters I am pretty sure Mariana is the one I have let get the closest to me. I of course didn't tell her anything but she understands what it is like to be in a house that isn't of your biological parents. We have connected in that way and we have grown to really love each other.

I turn around and quickly change, making sure my wrist is always pointing away from Mariana. I silently curse myself for cutting my wrists. It is really hot outside and I have to wear a long sleeve shirt for the next few weeks. Great. I decide that I will get Mariana excited about a shopping trip and buy tons of bracelets to die the suspicion done a little. I should have cut on my thighs or at least my stomach. Some spot that couldn't be seen as easily. Although for some reason, it doesn't feel the same to cut in other spots. It almost feels like it doesn't work as well unless it is on my wrist.

I sit on my bed with my shorts and long sleeve shirt. I pull out my homework and start working on math. I start to get hot and groan.

"Hey Mari, can I turn the fan on?" I ask casually.

"Sure, but why are you wearing a long sleeve if it's so hot out?"

"It is just a really comfortable shirt, it helps me sleep." I wonder if she will by that. She smiles as I stand up to turn on the fan.

I hear the door open and look over to see Stef and Lena. They are relentless but so kind and considerate.

"Hey Moms", says Mariana.

Stef sits next to her and drapes her arm around her shoulder. "Hey love bug. Wow, guys it is hot in here." She looks over at me and notices what I am wearing, looking puzzled. I see Lena walk over and sit on my bed.

"What are you working on Callie?" she asks scooting closer. I feel myself start to panic. It makes me nervous knowing she is this close after what I just did. I put on a fake smile.

"Oh just some math, nothing too much fun." I say playfully hoping to hide my hesitation. She looks over to the journal from Timothy's class.

"Is this the journal you have to write in to help brainstorm for your project?" I quickly go to grab the journal and my sleeve pulls up a little bit. I panic as I look at her and see the color leave her face. Did she just see my wrist? Band-Aids are normal right? She could just think I got a scrape.

"Sorry, it is just I haven't decided what I was going to write about yet, so I don't want anyone to read anything until it is done."

"Sure sweetheart". Lena's tone was off. I don't think I am the only one who notices this because Stef suddenly looks at Lena and they talk silently through their eyes. Kind of like Jude and I.

She must have seen the bandages. Why isn't she saying anything? I sneak a look up at Stef who is staring at me intently. My guess is Lena told Stef something was wrong with me and Stef was trying to figure out what. She slowly smiles and looks down to Mariana.

"How about you Miss. Thing? What are you up to?"

"Oh, I am just texting Lexi."

"No homework?"

"Already finished it at school." She looks up at her mom proud of herself for being so efficient. I look back to Lena staring at me. Why is she giving me puppy eyes. I just want to look at her and shout, "Stop!".

Instead, I feel myself gravitate towards her. I am not sure why I do this, but I slowly end up shoulder to shoulder leaning into her body. It is like a silent plea for help and comfort. So subtle. To everyone else it looks natural but to me it is a huge deal. Lena and Stef know that I am speaking without my words. Silently desiring to be close.

When Lena notices my closeness she suddenly snaps back into reality. She starts to leave obviously concerned about what she just saw on my wrist. I begin to feel desperate. Desperate because I don't want her to leave me as well as because I know that she will go and tell Stef what she thinks she just saw. I carefully grab her arm, without anyone noticing, and pull her so she won't move. She looks down at me with worry. Stef and Mariana hadn't noticed any of this as they are engrossed in deep conversation.

She stays next to me and I look into her eyes. I know she can see the plea in my eyes for her not to move. She cups my face and kisses my head. She moves back to where she was sitting. I realize she is half off of the bed so I scoot over to make room. I look up at her and see a real smile on her face. After she is comfortable, I sit back close up to her. Her hand is on her knee. I slowly reach for it with my right hand and lace her fingers into mine. I don't even look up. I just grab her hand and stay like that.

I look over to Stef who is watching us now. Mariana has begun obliviously texting away. I know Stef is curious but I can tell she doesn't want to interrupt this odd exchange between Lena and I. I look back up to Lena with another plea to stay. She puts her mouth to my ear and says, "I am not going anywhere". I visibly relax, which I know she and Stef both notice, and make myself comfortable. We are still holding hands and it is fine by me.

After about ten minutes of silence I hear whispering and see Mariana stop playing on her phone to leave the room. I am still looking down refusing to look up afraid of what is coming. After she shuts the door I can see Stef from the corner of my eye slowly get up to move my homework off of my bed. I can't see Stef anymore without moving my head which I refuse to do. I feel the bed shit and see a pair of legs crisscrossed directly in front of me.

I feel Lena squeeze my hand to try and get my attention. I don't move. Maybe I could pull off sleeping? I refuse to look up.

"Love, what are you thinking about?" I can't actually see Stef but I can picture the exact face she is making at me right now.

I don't move. I am hoping that if I just don't talk they will stop trying to get me to. Stef may be stubborn but I bet I can be ten times more stubborn than her.

"Sweets, I am begging you, look at me." I scoot closer into Lena and feel Stef sigh. Did that hurt Stef? I am not trying to pull away from her, I am just trying to pull away from talking and she is the one who is talking. It is not personal. I hope she knows that.

"Honey, can you look at us. We need to talk. We need you to tell us what is going on." Lena says softly.

"We will stay here until you talk to us love. This is not healthy and we are beginning to really worry."

I pick my head up, but don't make eye contact. Stef cups my face and gets like three inches away from my face. I still haven't made eye contact. She waits. I finally look up and see her eyes. So many emotions going through them at once that I get confused as I try to study her. She looks confused as well and I bet my eyes are doing the exact same thing that hers are.

"Please don't." I whisper.

"Don't what love?", Stef whispers back to me. She is still cupping my face. I think she is afraid to move thinking I will clam up again. Which is probably true.

"Care."

"Baby, we will always care. We love you so much. You are one of our babies. You always will be. Why do you not want us to care bug? What is causing you to not want to be close to us?" What is this talk of being there's? I am here temporarily.

"I'm not yours, Stef. Don't you see. I am only here temporarily. How am I supposed to let you in, to only lose you again. Both of you." I take Lena's hand that is in mine and put it in the air. "This is already too much. I have let you both comfort me too much. I can't lose more people. If you care about me you will let me go. Besides I am not worth the trouble."

Lena slowly releases my hand and stands up. I begin to feel so alone. Is she mad? Does she finally realize I am not worth it? Stef moves over and Lena sits next to her. She re-grabs my hand and says, "I want to see your face baby. Stef and I love you. We were going to tell you and Jude tonight after dinner that we wanted to adopt you both but we decided that it might not be the best night after Jude's comment affected you so much."

I look up at her. "You are lying." Stef sighs and stands up. She walks out of the room and I get confused. I look to Lena as she smiles. Apparently she knows exactly what Stef is doing.

"Sweetheart did you hurt your arm?" She says reaching for my left arm.

"Uh yeah just a stupid little scrape. I can be clumsy sometimes." I say moving my arm away quickly. I know she is unconvinced but doesn't push it when Stef comes back into the room. She hands me a stack of papers.

"What are these?"

"Look at them sweets. You tell me."

I study them carefully. Adoption papers. Everything completely filled out and ready. A court date set for Monday.

"Is this real?"

"Of course it is Callie girl."

"Oh."

"Oh?", Lena questions. "Do you want to get adopted Callie?"

I look up to Lena and then over to Stef. I smile, really big and genuine.

"Yes. More than you could know." I can't stop smiling. I feel tears in my eyes. I can't help it. I start sobbing. I feel both Stef and Lena wrap me up as I cry. I begin crying so hard that I don't think I will ever stop. I start rubbing my eyes, clearly exhausted. Someone shifts so that I am laying down on top of them. I hear the door open and close. I am not sure who is still with me. Usually I can tell who it is by there body shape, clothes, and scent but I am hysterically crying and start to feel sleep overcome me. I hear a voice say, "Shhh.. You are safe. You are ours. Sleep my sweet girl." With that, I fall fast asleep in one of my new Mothers arms.


	4. Chapter 4

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I open my eyes and start to get confused by my surroundings. I am on my bed but someone is holding me. I take a peak upwards and see Stef sound asleep. At first I am surprised but then remember what happened last night. I try to sit up but feel so emotionally exhausted I give up and go back into Stef's embrace. I am honestly a little shocked that it is Stef. I assumed that Lena was the one holding me because she has been the one I have been seeking comfort from the most. I also am surprised Stef stayed with me the entire night.

I look over and see Mariana's bed empty. She must be with Lena. The clock says 6:30am. Stef is usually up by six. Should I wake her up? I feel her stir and stay very still trying to calm my breathing. I was hoping to leave before she woke up so I pretend to be asleep. I didn't want any awkward interactions. No one has cared enough to spend the entire night holding me. I suddenly remember that they want to adopt me and can't help but smile and feel loved. Not only was I going to legally belong to them, they care enough to hold me while I sleep.

"Good morning love. That smile is one of the best sights I have ever seen."

"Morning", I say blushing.

"We better get up and get moving so we are not late. Thank God it is Friday." I wonder if this is going to be awkward or not. I sit up as Stef stands up. She kisses my head and says, "I love you." I want to say it back, but I start to feel nervous and can't muster up the courage to do so.

She smiles sweetly and walks out the door. I lay back down looking at the ceiling and my mind starts running wild. I am not sure what to think. Maybe I should just tell them how I am feeling. They have to care a great deal if they want to adopt me. But they would be so disappointed to know I was hurting myself. I can't let them see that. If they find out about Liam they may kick me out. They will think I am disgusting. These types of thoughts continue to pour into my brain. I think I become overwhelmed because I slowly feel my body shutting down and begging for sleep. I have no choice but to comply.

I hear a voice saying my name but keep my eyes shut. I don't want to wake up. I don't want to go to school. I know Lena saw my wrist. I know they will confront me with it and they could change their minds.

"Callie honey wake up. We have to leave in thirty minutes." I stay still.

"Callie, come on."

I groan and open my eyes. I am stating directly at Lena's face.

"Morning sleepy head. How are you doing? You must be exhausted."

"I am fine, sorry I must have fallen back asleep."

"That's fine, you don't need to shower anyways you did last night." I feel my mouth start to dry.

"Yeah", I croaked. Great, my voice gave me away.

"Are you alright?"

"Yup, sorry I must have a dry throat. I will get changed and then go get some water."

"Mom should be done with breakfast so hurry down before it gets cold."

"Alright ", I say. Really I plan to stay up here as long as I can so I don't have to eat anything. Food is the last thing I want right now.

I stand up to assure Lena I won't fall back asleep again. She gives me a warm smile and starts to walk out. I hadn't notice she stopped because I was too lost in thought. I walk over to my dresser and pull out some clothes. Jean shorts and a long sleeve shirt. The AC in the school broke and they can't fix it until this weekend. Well this is going to be a long hot day. I should have felt eyes watching me carefully but I was running through my head to come up with an excuse as to why I have a long sleeve shirt on. I pull my shirt off and go to put my other one on. I assume I am alone so don't worry about trying to cover up my wrists. After my shirt is on I go to change into my shorts.

I hear the door click and quickly look behind me to see my door completely shut. Huh, that was strange. Was someone watching me? I being to panic as I realize I never waited to hear Lena shut the door as she left the room before I started changing.

I stall for about fifteen minutes and finally come down. Now I know for a fact Lena has seen my wrist. All of it. She knows that it is more than a simple scrape. I walk down quietly so I can spy into the kitchen and figure out what I am walking into. I know they will try and get me to eat so I want to see what kind of situation it will be. I sneak down the steps and stop when I hear whispers in the living room.

I quietly tip toe closer staying hidden behind the wall.

"Stef, I saw a line of Band-Aids on her wrist. She said it was just a scrape but she had a short sleeve on until she got into the shower. We were outside the bathroom the whole time. That is the only time she could have gotten those. She wouldn't have done anything with Mariana in the same room with her either."

"My heart is breaking Lena, I can't stand to see any of my babies in pain. I can't believe she would hurt herself like this. I know it can be a common coping mechanism among teens her age but it just feels so different and real when it is your own child. Are you sure that it was self-harm? Maybe she tripped and fell in the shower or something. "

"Then why wouldn't she say something? I know it is hard babe, but I am pretty sure we both know that she cut herself." Stef must have flinched because Lena pauses and says, "Sorry I am just used to talking about this, you would be surprised how many students I have had who have dealt with this. But it hurt me ten times more to say that about our own daughter. There has to be something deeper going on. We need to get her to talk about how she feels so we can discover the root of the problem." I am a little surprised to hear Stef acting more emotional than Lena, I think sometimes I always think Stef is the strong one because she is a cop. Lately I have noticed that they are strong for each other when they need to be. It also dawned on me that Lena has a degree in child psychology and also had time to process that my cuts may actually be self-harm since last night.

"Well should we wait until after school? That way she will be home with us for the weekend. It might upset her that we know and if we confront her before the weekend we have a few days to keep a complete eye on her." Suddenly it clicked in my head. Maybe this is why Stef stayed with me. I bet Lena told Stef I should be supervised. I start to feel uneasy.

"That's what I was thinking too but then I started to worry about infection. I think we should talk to her now. Have the kids walk to school and then I can bring her in with me later depending on her mood. That way we can check the cuts and make sure they are cleaned properly. I will keep a close eye on her at school without being too obvious if I think she is in an emotional state where she can go. I don't have many meetings going on, so I will make sure she is okay in-between classes. I know the kids are worried about her that is why I think she should still go to school. I don't want them to ask her questions and start asking us, because I think the attention will cause Callie to be more resistant to opening up to us if she is getting concerned looks and pounded with questions by everyone in the house. I honestly think Callie would be more comfortable going so she doesn't have to worry about looking suspicious to everyone else but we can talk to her about that. Whatever is best for Callie, we need to do."

"Alright my love, well I will go get the kids to finish up and tell them they need to walk, why don't you go get Callie for me. Maybe come down in five minutes and I will make sure the kids are gone. Then after school we can talk about why she did this and try and talk about ways to help her stop."

"Thanks, Stef. I just want Callie to be healthy and happy. I hope she will let us be here for her." I hear them start to walk away and I run to hide in the downstairs bathroom. I then hear the steps begin to creak and Stef talking to everyone in the kitchen. I sneak back out, grab my backpack, and start walking to school. I know Stef and Lena are going to be mad at me but I can't handle talking to them. I need to get out before they stop me.

I make sure I am about three houses down and pull out my phone. I send a text to Lena and Stef in a group message. As I am typing I start to shake. They are going to kill me. I broke rules. I didn't eat breakfast, which is a requirement in the Foster household, and I left the house without asking. I am pretty sure leaving the house without permission is their most sacred rule. Not to mention they are already worried about me. I am so grounded for a week at least. By now I am almost halfway to school

I decide to send the text anyways.

_To Stef and Lena_: _I decided to walk to school, I am almost there. See you guys later._

I look down and see I have a phone call. It is Stef. I feel the vibration in my hand. I look down and hit ignore. And there goes being grounded for two weeks. I then see a call coming in from Lena. Again, I hit ignore. Three weeks now. I feel my phone vibrate again, but this time it is a text. It is from Lena.

_ To Callie: You are to go directly to my office and not move until I get there. Understood?_

Should I reply to that? Do you think Stef is coming to? I bet, Stef usually plays bad cop in these types of situations. I feel another vibration. This time it is Stef.

_To Callie: I advice you respond and listen to your Mama. It is for your own good. _

There is the bad cop. I decide not to respond. I wait a while wanting to get there after Stef and Lena. I start walking towards Lena's office. I see Mariana walk over to me, guess they all road to school together.

"What the heck did you do Callie, Mom's are pissed?"

"Nothing don't worry about it."

"I advice you hurry they are waiting for you."

I walk away and turn the corner. Stef and Lena are standing outside with the door open. They still haven't seen me. I see Stef in her uniform with her hands on her head, rubbing it like she has a headache. I can't study her face from here. I can almost make out that she is angry and looks extremely worried. I decide to bolt before even looking over to Lena. I turn around and run. I don't want to leave cause then I will get in more trouble. I decide to go to class. You can't punish a kid for going to school can you?

I make it into class just as the bell rings. I sit down and take out my notes. I look calm and collected on the outside, but feel like I am about to start panicking on the inside. I start taking notes when I hear the loud speaker. It is Lena's voice.

"Callie Jacobs please report to the vice principals office, Callie Jacobs please report to the vice principals office. Thank you." I get looks from all of my classmates and I start sweating. Why is it so hot in here? Oh yeah, long sleeves. I stand up slowly, pack my things in my bag and head into the hallway. I shut the door quietly and turn around. Looking directly at me with her arms folded is Stef.

"Hello Sweets."

"Sweets?" Why the heck is she being nice to me.

"What wrong with that?"

"Aren't you pissed off at me?"

"Do you want me to be?" I wasn't expecting that to come out. Do they realize I am trying to get them to push me away as well? I thought I was being secretive about that.

"I don't know." I mumble.

"You are stuck with us kid. Let's go see Mama." I am so confused by this interaction I don't even know where to start processing. I shut my brain off and start to feel numb.

We arrive at Lena's office and Stef slowly opens the door. I look up to see Lena sitting behind her desk. I try to study her face but can't. She looks relieved, but also slightly angry. I am shocked when I finally look into her eyes and still see love in them.

"Take a seat Callie." I obey immediately captivated by her eyes. Why the heck is she looking at me that way. Stef locks the door and sits next to me in the other empty chair in front of Lena's desk. She gently grabs my left arm. I try to pull away but her grip tightens.

"We just want you to know, that we will always love you.", Lena says with a warm smile.

"There is nothing that you could do that would stop us from wanting you. We can't wait for Monday when you and Jude complete our family. Stop thinking we aren't going to love you because we are here forever." Stef says as she looks into my eyes and pulls my left arm closer to her.

She kisses my wrist through my shirt and says, "I love you Callie. Mama and I both do. We have a lot to discuss today. But first, we need to take care of this."

I begin to panic as she rolls up my sleeve. I look over to Lena who has tears in her eyes and blows me a kiss. I look down on her desk and see a first aid kit wide open, knowing that its contents will be on my exposed arm very shortly.


	5. Chapter 5

Did she just kiss my cuts? I watch as she pushes up my sleeve. It exposes numerous Band-Aids messily placed along my arm. I was in a hurry when I threw them on there so I knew that the sticky part was on a lot of the cuts. In the moment all I wanted was to cover up the blood. I succeeded but I know this is about to hurt because I cut deep. They bled for a really long time and this is going to sting.

I watch Stef as she goes to pull off the first Band-Aid. I instinctively pull away but her hand almost immediately brings my arm back.

"I know this is uncomfortable love, but you need to sit still or it will hurt even more." I know she is right. If I move it will hurt but I feel so exposed and vulnerable right now that I can't help but want to pull away.

"Please don't." I whisper. I don't even think I realized I said it out loud. I feel tears begin to slowly trickle down my check and a small whimper comes out of my mouth. I feel Lena reach across her desk to hold my other hand.

Stef looks up at me instantly, right as she was about to take the first one off.

"Oh Baby, its okay. I know it may not seem like a good thing, but these need to be properly taken care of so you don't get an infection."

"Can I do it then?"

"No baby, I am going to do it. I am your mom and this is what we do. We take care of our children and we help them heal. Whether it is physically or emotionally."

I can't help it as another whimper comes out of my mouth. What are these noises I am making? I feel so many emotions I have to fight to keep the sobs inside. At this point I am on the verge of shaking. I look down and Stef had half of the Band-Aid's removed.

Lena is looking at me so closely. I think she is trying to figure out how to help me best in this situation and I think she is afraid to look at my wrist. When I finally start shaking and sobbing she stands up and comes over to me. She wraps her arms around me in an attempt to soothe me but it just makes me cry harder.

Stef has stopped tending to my arm because it is too hard with my movement. Stef stands up and lifts me out of the chair. I am about to fight against her when I feel myself being set back down but onto Lena instead. I am WAY to old for this. I can't control my body because my tears are causing me to shake so bad that I stay remain seated.

"Relax sweetheart. Let me hold you. I want to hold my baby girl. I love you so much. Let Mom clean those cuts. You are doing so great. Almost done."

She continues to say sweet calming things into my ear over and over again. I decide to relax and for just this moment I let them take care of me. I instantly feel relieved as I stop the fight against Stef and Lena. Just for the time being I will embrace the love they are offering.

I watch Stef clean my cuts. It stings but I am able to get my body to calm down enough to hold still. I lean back into Lena and soak up her love. I literally feel her love pouring into me. I study Stef's face as she works on my wrist. I can see a tear trickling down her cheek. Did I put that there?

Just like I did last night with Lena I feel this desire to comfort her. I reach up and slowly brush the tear away from her eye. Stef looks up. I think she expected it to be Lena. When she sees it is me she gives the most genuinely love filled smile I have ever seen. Tears pour down her face.

"I love you so much Callie. So much it hurts. Please don't do this to yourself again." My tears are flowing freely again but with Lena holding onto me I feel safe. I lean my head back into her shoulder and turn my head so I hide my face in her neck. I suddenly feel very young. Honestly though, I don't care. I spent my whole life being an adult that in this moment I just need to be taken care of.

Stef just finished rubbing some Neosporin on my arm. I watch as she takes a few pieces of gauze and a roll of tape out of the first aid kit. I peak up at Lena who is watching Stef work intently on my arm. Of course there are tears in her eyes too. This family is so foreign to what I am used to. Stef places the gauze over my wrist. I let out a very big breath I didn't know I was holding in. I have been doing that a lot lately.

Stef instantly looks up to me and says, "Did I hurt you love?"

"No I just was glad you guys don't have to look at it anymore." Did I just say that out loud? I am pretty sure that was the most honest and truthful thing I have ever said to them.

Stef gives an encouraging smile and tapes the gauze down. She brings my wrist up one more time and kisses it. She carefully laces my fingers between hers and set our hands in her lap.

I then hear Lena's voice. "Callie baby, is this the first time you have done this?" I debate in my head for a few moments. I decide that for right now I need to answer their questions and open myself up to them. They have poured so much love in me that I know this is safe. Before I hear doubts in my mind I quickly answer her question.

"No" My voice is so small I am not sure it is even mine.

"When did you start doing this?" Stef asks.

"Two years ago at one of my foster homes but this is the first time since I have gotten to you guys."

I hear Lena from behind me, "What was going through your mind that made you want to hurt yourself?" I pause and try to answer fully. You can do it Callie.

"Well after I hugged you guys and let you comfort me I got overwhelmed. I needed to stop feeling so many emotions at once. I have a rule to not let people in because every time I love someone I lose them. I just didn't know what to feel because part of me was so comforted by your love but the other part of me was screaming to push you away. It was too much for me to handle that I just needed release. I needed to take the focus off of my emotions and feel physical pain."

I glanced at them both for a split second. They had concern on their faces. I can't believe I am actually saying this.

"You did this in the shower then, yes?" Stef asks calmly.

"Yes."

"What did you use sweet girl?" This time it was Lena. This question caught me off guard. Why does that matter?

"Uhm I don't know, why?"

"I am sure you know sweets, we just want to make sure that you are not around anything that causes you to be tempted." Should I answer this question?

I think Stef read my mind because she quickly says, "You are doing so great love don't stop. Open up to us. We love you and we can help. We are not going anywhere." It gives me the courage I need in this moment. I nod and say, "I pulled apart one of the spare razors in the bathroom." I see shock on Stef's face for a second but she quickly recovers.

"Thank you for telling us. I know this is hard but you are doing so good." I don't know why but all of a sudden I feel so overwhelmed I begin sobbing. My breathing is increasing rapidly and I start clutching my chest. I climb off of Lena's lap and onto the floor. I feel like I am dying. My heart is beating so hard and I can't breathe. I am gasping for air. I feel two sets of arms wrapping me up and telling me to calm down. I hear Lena's voice instruct me to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. I listen to her desperate to stop this pain in my chest. I look into Lena's eyes as she is teaching me how to breathe again. She puts her hand flat on my chest and puts some pressure on it. "Focus on me sweetheart. Look into my eyes. You are okay." I stare deep into Lena's eyes while I continue to gasp and sob. I grab her hand that is on my chest and put my fingers between hers. I keep breathing the way she is telling me. Her eyes are keeping me grounded. I am focusing on her and the voice of Stef behind me. She keeps repeating you are safe and loved over and over again. Her arms are wrapped around me in a death grip but it is extremely comforting to be able to know I am being held. I eventually calm my breathing and do a deep heavy sigh. I can breathe again but the tears wont stop. I remove Lena's hand from my chest and turn to Stef. She looks at me with so much pain in her eyes. I slowly climb into her lap and cry. I grab her shirt in my hands and cling onto her with every bit of energy I have left.

I am pretty sure I have been in Stef's lap for at least an hour and a half. I had drifted in and out of sleep crying. Stef was leaned up against the wall with Lena right beside her. Lena has her arms wrapped around us both and her head is leaning against Stef's shoulder. I am pretty sure they both have been drifting in and out of sleep as well. Lena is the first to stand up after I have been awake for five minutes without any more tears. I think I am all dried up for now.

"We still have a lot to talk about but I think we should probably go home what do you say?" Lena's calm voice always soothes me.

"I can't I have school." I say starting to panic.

"Calm down love. The three of us need to take the day off. It is almost lunchtime and we need to eat something. We also need to get out of here. I know it's hard for you to let people in but we are here and everything is going to be fine." Stef smiles and stands up. She reaches her hand out for me and I take it.

"Alright who do you want to ride home with love?" I look to Stef and shrug. "Uh, I am not picking that." I watch Stef and Lena look over at each other and smirk. I think they can tell I don't want to hurt their feelings. At least they know I truly care about them.

Lena is the first to speak. "Why don't you ride with me honey that way mom can stop and get some lunch for us." Lena is smiling now looking to Stef. Clearly Stef didn't know this was part of the plan.

"Oh really my love what did you have in mind?" Stef says to Lena. They are cute I love their banter. Sometimes they embarrass me but at the same time I like to see the love they still have for each other. It is comforting to see.

"I was thinking Callie's favorite Chinese restaurant. Want to get us some take out?"

"Of course Lena my dear. What would you like from there Callie?" I shrug. I am not really hungry. Lena and Stef sigh and look at each other. I am pretty sure they know that this is going to be a battle to get me to eat.

"I am not hungry." It comes out a little colder then I intended but I stand my ground.

"Well food is not an option so you might as well pick something you like. If you don't pick I will just pick for you." That was Stef's stern voice. People don't usually challenge that tone. I don't want to be rude so I don't say anything. I just stare at her.

"Looks like I am picking. Alright, you two head out and I will be home shortly."

I don't say anything. I simply follow Lena to her car. I get in the front quietly and stare out the window. I wonder what Lena is thinking. I pull up my sleeve to take a peak at the bandage. Stef actually did a good job. It is perfectly lined up and covered. I pull my sleeve back down and look up at Lena to see her staring straight forward. I was surprised I didn't catch her peaking at me but she is driving after all. I feel like I should say something but I am not sure what to say. I sigh and lean my head against the window until we get home.

"Callie." I snap out of my trance and realize we are home. I mumble a "sorry" and head inside, Lena immediately behind me.

"Let's go in the kitchen and wait for mom, she should be here in ten minutes. Lets get some plates and silver wear out. What would you like to drink?" I shrug.

"Well, you need to drink water at least. I don't want you getting dehydrated." I look at her and don't say anything. I just watch her as she gets everything out and gets three glasses of water. She motions for me to sit in the stool I am standing right next to. I sit down as she takes the one across from me. I look up at her and she seems tired. I hate to think that I caused this exhaustion.

"Are you ok?" I think Lena is surprised I asked her this.

"I'm alright sweetie I just want you to be happy. Are you okay?"

"I mean I guess I am not sure."

"It is okay to say no Callie. I am sure you are feeling all sorts of things. You can be honest."

"Okay fine."

"Fine what?"

"I am not okay." As soon as I say that I feel like the world is lifted of my shoulders. I don't think I have ever looked someone in the eye and have told them I am not okay. I have not felt okay since the day my mom died and here I am finally admitting it to someone.

"This is good you know." Lena says as she searches my eyes and tries to read how I am feeling.

"What admitting that I am a complete mess and screw up?"

"You are definitely not a screw up sweets. I can tell you that for sure. There is nothing wrong with admitting you are struggling." Stef says this walking into the kitchen setting food down on the table.

I just look up at her. Not saying anything. If I am going to actually open up to them today I need to save my words for things that are really important. Stef has gotten the food out. It smells so good but I can't give in. I can't eat. If they want me to open up there is no way I am going to eat. They can choose.

"I am going to get changed. I will be right back." Stef runs upstairs to change out of her uniform. I feel guilty. She shouldn't have even changed into it this morning. She didn't even make it to work because of me.

Lena has dished food for herself. "Help yourself honey." I look up at her. No words leave my mouth. She sighs and stares at me for a second.

"Your body needs fuel. Especially with all of the emotions you have had to deal with today and last night. I know you already must be emotionally exhausted we don't want you lacking anymore energy than you have to." I continue to stare at her. By this point Stef comes down. She dishes up food and sits next to me. Why can't she sit next to Lena?

"Dish up sweets." Yeah, not going to happen. Lena stands up. "Will you hand me your plate sweetheart?" I don't move of course. She sighs and reaches for my plate. She dishes up some food and sets it in front of me.

"Eat." I can hear the demand in Stef's voice. I know that she thinks she will win this battle but she wont.

"I can't talk with food in my mouth." I look up to Lena who gives me a puzzled look. "Why don't you want to eat sweetheart?" I don't know how to tell them I'm borderline anorexic. I tried to be when I first got here but I force myself to eat at the table because then they ask questions. At this point I don't even care. They know about my cutting habits so they may as well know about my eating ones too. Everyday at school I throw my lunch away or give it to other people. I feel guilty when I waste their food but I can't get myself to eat it.

"Look can't I just eat later? I have felt too much to even be remotely hungry. I am pretty sure it wouldn't even stay down. It would just make me sick. Especially if you expect me to talk." I watch both Stef and Lena. I can tell they are not exactly sure how to respond. They can tell it is a deeper issue then just not being hungry. I think they also are a little unsettled by how I am giving them an ultimatum. I basically just made them choose if they want me to eat or talk. I feel kind of guilty for doing that because it is a little disrespectful but at the same time it is true. I don't think I can emotionally handle being forced to eat and having to talk about deep emotions. It is too much. I will literally have a panic attack and I am pretty sure I am not ready for that to happen again so soon.

"You can eat after we talk. We can wait for your appetite to come back. But you MUST drink that glass of water, yes?" Stef says defeated. I nodded and pick up the water. I start to drink it feeling some what relieved. In my head I don't plan to eat later but at least I can push that worry aside. For about ten minutes Stef and Lena eat both staring of in different directions. I quietly sit there and sip my water little by little trying to make it last until they are done eating. I expected it to be awkward but I think everyone is so tired that the silence and the chance to reenergize is actually appreciated for a few minutes.

Once they are done they talk care of the dishes. Lena takes my plate and covers it placing it in the fridge so I can "eat" it later.

"Alright my loves lets go into the living room." Stef says walking out. Lena follows and glances back to make sure I am coming. I give a small smile and follow. I don't want them to think I am not appreciative and that I don't care about them. I still try to make sure they know that.

I get into the living room. I debate where to sit. Lena is on one couch and Stef is on the other. Oh great. I stay there looking at them both.

"Uhhhh, where do you want me to sit." They chuckle and look at me.

"What?" I say defensively.

"We were just messing with you sweetheart. " Lena says as she moves in the chair in front of Stef.

Stef pats the couch next to her and says, "Come sit here sweets." I sit down next to Stef but at an angle so both Stef and Lena can see my face. I may as well embrace this because I need them to know what they are walking into. If they truly love me then they will still adopt me. If not then I guess I will be on my own once again. I am not sure where this new attitude came from but I can't keep feeling like I am alone. If I am not wanted I will leave for Jude's sake and that's really all there is to it.

"So my love where should we start?" Stef says looking over to Lena.

"Honestly I am not sure, Callie why don't you talk to us. I know you probably don't know where either but can you start by telling us how you are feeling, right now in this moment? Maybe it will help you ease into it."

"Uhm, well I am scared to lose you both after I tell you about everything that has happened to me. I have so many emotions and thoughts going through my head on whether I should trust you both. The thing is that I want to trust you both I just don't know how. I don't know how to let people love me. I don't know how to be taken care of. I have always had to be strong for Jude and have never had anyone be strong for me."

"That was great sweetheart. Maybe now you could tell us why you first started to cut? What started that?" I start sweating and my hands are trembling. Lena and Stef each grab one and hold onto it tightly. How did I get this lucky to have these two amazing women love me. I take a deep breath knowing I have to continue and knowing that I need to tell them about Liam.


	6. Chapter 6

As I sit next to Stef on the couch and Lena across from me I can't help but feel safe. They each are holding one of my hands and I feel loved. It is a foreign but very welcomed feeling. I am trying to debate whether or not I should tell them about Liam. They just asked me why I started to cut. Liam is the reason I started. He took something from me. He emotionally wounded me and completely took my control away of something that should have been mine. I take a deep breath and try and answer Lena's question vaguely.

"I started cutting after a particular foster home. Just some stuff happened and I wasn't really sure how to handle it." I can feel my bravery begin to slowly decrease. I can't tell them about Liam. I am crazy for thinking I can. They are going to want to know all sorts of things and details. What if they don't believe me? I could not handle that.

"What do you mean stuff happened sweets?" Stef says with a look of reassurance.

"It's not really that big of a deal. I guess there is no particular reason. I wont do it again. Can we just drop it? " Everything about that sentence was a lie.

"Unfortunately we can't. This is serious. I am not saying there has to be a specific situation that caused you to want to cut. I am just saying that your emotions were and are high enough for you to desire a relief through physical pain. We can tell you are sad honey. Probably even depressed. It kills us to see you in pain. We just want to help you discover why you started cutting and then hopefully we can help you stop. Sometimes people have a chemical imbalance that is uncontrollable and causes your emotions to go out of whack. All we want to do is help you." Lena looks at me waiting for a response.

"I said I would stop okay this conversation is pointless."

"What caused you to put your walls back up Callie?" This time it was Stef.

"I didn't."

"Then why are you shutting us out?"

"I am not shutting you out. I said I would stop so there is nothing to worry about." I know I am disappointing them but I am not doing this.

"Fine, I wont push this for right now but this conversation is not over. If you really are stopping that is great but we are still going to take some precautions."

"Precautions?"

"Yes Callie. We will be checking for new cuts every few days. Also, we will be removing the razors from the shower and anything else that we think necessary." It amazes me that Stef can have her voice be so stern and caring at the same time.

"What so I have to be hairy for the rest of my life?" I am starting to get angry. They can't do this!

"No, you can still shave but one of us will be in there with you while you do it." Lena says carefully.

"No way this is ridiculous. You can't do this." I start panicking. How will I cut again with them so close to me all the time. I hear Stef's voice.

"We don't want to argue with you Sweets. This is not up for discussion. Love, we want to help you. I know you are probably mad at us for doing this but think about it. We are trying to help. We care enough about you that we don't want you to hurt yourself. This should be a good thing. This means we love you. I mean what kind of mothers would we be if we let you hurt yourself? If we just looked the other way while you are in pain? That is not loving someone. I think you know that. We are not against you, we are on your side." It actually makes sense and I would think it was sweet if I wasn't trying to figure out how to cut without them noticing. They don't understand. I need to cut. I can't function without it.

"Also", Lena says and then pauses. "You are not allowed to be in any rooms with locked doors. I know you are not going to like this but we don't want you to be tempted and unreachable. If we have to we will remove the locks. We aren't trying to punish you honey. What Stef said is true. We can't just sit by and watch our daughter hurt herself. It is as bad as someone intentionally hurting their child." I think about how ironic that statement is considering I was physically abused in many foster homes. "We don't want you to resent us for these actions. I hope you can see that we are doing this out of love. If you are tempted and feel the need to cut please come to us. I promise you we will help. We will talk you through it, distract you, whatever you need. Just trust us. We want to help you through this sweetheart. We love you. Don't ever forget that."

Stef's turn, "Also, there will be a punishment for your actions this morning. We love you so much and that is not going to change but you broke rules and were disrespectful. No matter what that is not okay." I actually don't blame them for that. I was terrible this morning.

"Sorry about that." I mutter softly and look down. Lena squeezes my hand and says, "You are grounded for one week. Only school and home. Also your cellphone stays in our room when you are in the house. But when you are at school you keep it at all times. Never ignore our calls again. That was not okay. Understand?"

I nod.

"Well, now that we have that cleared up we want you to be able to trust us. We want to trust you too. These rules aren't forever you know. Once we are confident you can be in these situations without giving into temptation we will loosen the reins. The grounding isn't because you cut, it is because you left the house without asking and purposefully ignored us. We are not punishing you for cutting. The rules are for your safety. I know it feels like a punishment right now but someday you will look back and realize that we are doing this to help you.", Lena says sweetly. I doubt that. Before Lena can continue Stef speaks up. "Does that make sense to you Sweets? I know we are repeating ourselves but it is really important you know we aren't punishing you for the cutting. We don't judge you or think any less of you. All we want is you safe and healthy. If you can think of anything we can do please let us know. We love you and we would do anything in our power to help. I know we say this a lot too but it is SO important that you talk to us. Shutting yourself off only makes you feel more disconnected. It is fuel for bad thoughts and temptation to hurt yourself. Going through this with other people is so much easier."

"Okay, well why don't we take a break. I know this is a lot of information at once. Do you know that we love you and want what is best for you?" Lena asks. I nod.

"No sweets", Stef says. "Say it out loud."

"Yes I know."

"Know what?" Lena says smiling.

I can't help but give a tiny smirk. "I know…." For some reason I stop at love me. I can't help but think they won't after they know what happened. Should I tell them about Liam before the adoption? If they still want me after hearing that I know it is real. If they don't want me after that then at least I wont be stuck with people who don't truly love me.

"Honey?" I look up to Lena. She looks like she has been hurt. I look to Stef and her face is the same. I have never seen so much pain on their faces. Why do they look that way?

"You don't think we love you?" Stef's voice cracked when she said the word don't. I have never heard her so emotional. I know I need to answer this honestly.

"I think you love me, I just can't help but think you might stop." They relax a little at that but still look pained.

"Honey," Lena starts, "What is it going to take for you to realize we love you?"

"I told you I was messy. Once people realize how screwed up I am they throw me out. I want to trust you but I have dark parts of me in my past. What if you don't want me after that?" I regret saying that about my past. Now I peaked their interest. I quickly try to cover myself.

"I know you love me now I just couldn't handle losing you after letting all my guards down. So I don't." I look down. "I know you love me though. I really do." I looked up at them and gave them a smile.

"I think we all need a break. Are you ready to eat Callie?" Lena asks calmly.

"Not hungry."

"Why don't we watch a movie sweets. Wait for you to get hungry. I will have you know though hungry or not once this movie is over you will eat something. Understood?"

I am pretty much glaring at her. I will play the avoidance card.

"What movie are we watching?"

"Callie." I can tell Stef is trying to control her anger.

"Lena?" I say, pretending I can't hear Stef. Lena's eyes are wide. She is looking at me shocked for challenging Stef. Everyone is afraid to challenge her to a certain extent but I am not.

"Callie I am not messing around. You ARE eating after this movie. You have been warned." I didn't know a voice could sound so demanding. I don't look at Stef I just stare straight ahead.

"Okay! What movie would you like to watch Callie?" Leave it to Lena to always play peacekeeper.

"I don't care." I say folding my arms. I know I am having attitude but they brought this on themselves. Of course I start to feel bad so I slowly uncross my arms and quietly say, "Whatever you guys would like is good for me." I look at Stef she is still angry looking. "What would you like to watch Stef?" Her eyes soften a little.

"How about something funny?" She says smiling.

"Sound's good. There is a new movie on Netflix I have wanted to watch. It is a romantic comedy." Lena says eagerly.

"Sounds good to me. Is that okay with you Callie?"

"Sure." I say sweetly. We end up on a couch directly in front of the TV. Stef is on one side of me and Lena is on the other. Stef has her arm wrapped behind me on the back of the couch. I am not touching either one of them. I carefully put my hands in my lap and play with my fingers. It is times like this when I get so confused. Confused for wanting them to stay as far away as possible and at the same exact time wanting to snuggle up to them and feel their love. Do other people have these feelings? Am I crazy? I feel guilty for being rude to Stef. I peek up at her and she is watching the movie. I want her to know I care about her and respect her because after this is over she is going to be mad at me for not eating.

She still hasn't looked down at me. She has got to know I am looking at her. Maybe I should look away. I look back at the screen. I very carefully scoot closer to Stef so our legs are touching. The upper half of my body is not touching her so I am leaning awkwardly. I slowly bring the rest of my body over to Stef. At this point I am completely nestled tightly against her side. She looks down at me and I feel her gaze. I don't even look up I just smile and shrug. I hear her laugh and her arms wrap around me and she kisses my temple. I look over to Lena who is watching us with adoration in her eyes. I smile at her and bite my lip. I feel bad for moving away from her so I carefully look down at the empty spot between us and back up to her. She too laughs and moves next to me. She gets so close that I am sandwiched in between the two of them. I start to feel exhausted again. Pushing people away is so tiring. Trying to open yourself up to only close yourself off again takes a lot of your energy. Not to mention I haven't eaten a full meal in over 24 hours. Lena's words about needed energy are now flowing through my brain. I feel sleep overcome me. I lean against Stef's shoulder and close my eyes. I can't help but smile as I feel her rest her head against my own.

"Callie sweets wake up." I don't open my eyes. I am too tired to fight them about food. I don't want to eat, I don't want to fight, I just want to sleep.

"Love?" I feel Stef shaking my arm. Just stop please.

"Callie baby," this time it is Lena. I can hear her voice starting to grow with worry. "Get up." I force my eyes open and am immediately blinded by the light. I groan out loud. I hear Stef and Lena chuckling. My eyes start to come into focus and the living room is sideways. It takes me a second but I realize my head is in Stef's lap. I sit up very quickly knowing my face is completely red. I then notice my legs sprawled out across Lena. Oh dear God someone please dig a hole for me to hide in. I am so embarrassed. I throw my legs off of her and mumble a "sorry" without looking up.

"You know you really need to stop saying you're sorry sweetheart. You fell asleep and your head started falling into Stef's lap. She gently moved you onto it so you were more comfortable. You're body looked uncomfortable so I brought your legs over me. You can lay on us. It is no big deal. We like you laying with us." I don't move.

"Alright come on love, time to eat." Stef says. Here we go. "Follow me please", she says. Her and Lena are headed to the kitchen. Stef stops and looks back. "Now!" It is so stern I practically jump off the couch. All of a sudden I get light headed and start falling forward. I see Stef running to me and catching me before I fall to the floor.

"Callie baby are you okay?" I am clutching my head because it is pounding. Stef is still holding me up. I am not even trying to help her because I have no energy. She is supporting me 100%.

"Yes I am fine sorry. Could you please stand me up?" I slowly feel Stef bring me to a standing position and holds me in place. She slowly tries to remove her hands but I start stumbling again. She reaches out for me and lifts me up slowly into her arms. Stef carries me into the kitchen and puts me sitting up in the breakfast nook. She sits next to me so I can lean into her for support. My headaches have been getting worse and worse. Every time I get up from sitting or lying down I get an extreme head rush.

"Callie, you need to answer this question honestly." Lena says as she sits down next to me. "Do you skip lunch and other meals when possible?" I don't even know what to say. She knows her answer before she even asked the question. I just stare at her. She sighs. She looks up at Stef who looks extremely concerned and not sure what to do. As they continue to stare at each other waiting for one of them to have the answers I am the first to speak.

"Didn't realize what you were getting yourselves into did you?" The both look down at me immediately. Stef takes my face in her hands.

"Do you think this changes our love for you? You need to stop thinking that. How many times do we have to tell you that our love will never change? Honestly Callie you could commit a serious crime and I would still love you. I would ground you until death and arrest you myself but my love for you would always be there." I can't help but smile. "So we have another challenge. We will get through it together. But now, you eat."

"I can't Stef." I look up to her. "You can and you will. Love I know it is hard but you need food to survive. It is not an option." I start to panic and pull my face out of her hands.

"Lena, please help me. I can't do this. I can't." I begin breathing deeply. I am starting to get worked up again. Lena is now cupping my face in her hands. What is with them and touching each others faces?

"I will help you Callie girl. I will help you to be healthy. You are going to eat right now. But you will be okay. You will get through this. Eating is good. I know you are hungry honey. Your stomach growled the entire time you were asleep." I blush. She drops her hands from my face and Stef returns with my Chinese food all warmed up. Lena looks at me and says, "Would something else help? Is it the food? Is something easier to eat?"

"It doesn't matter what it is." I say.

"Okay love here you go." Stef sets the food on my lap and hands me a fork. I take the fork but stare at the food as tears fall down my face. This isn't just food anymore. Taking this food and eating it means that I am letting people help me. This food represents all the walls I built around me. The minute I eat this food I am trusting Stef and Lena and am letting them a little bit closer to me. It actually doesn't sound that bad at the moment.

"Please don't make me put the food in your mouth Callie." Stef says her voice stern but also filled with caution and love. I look at her like she is crazy but she stares back very determined. I don't move. Part of me is actually kind of curious to see how far Stef and Lena will go.

It has been about four minutes and Stef and Lena watch me stare at the food and do nothing. Stef reaches for the fork and puts food on it. Oh gosh, she was serious. I take the fork from her hands and give her the most attitude filled glare I can muster up. I think she is taken off guard because her eyes widen at the look on my face. Lena slowly puts her hand on Stef's shoulder in attempt to calm her down. It kind of makes me laugh because Stef and I are a lot alike. Lena takes my arm that has the fork in it and looks at me.

"Callie honey, I suggest you eat what is on the fork before Mom takes it and puts it in your mouth."

"She wouldn't do that." I say angrily.

"Oh yes I would Callie. You underestimate me. You need help and are one of my children. You can't make a healthy decision on your own. I will do anything to make sure my children are safe and healthy. Even if that means feeding them at age 16." I actually believe her. Oh gosh. I slowly bring the food to my mouth and start chewing. I feel defeated and relieved. Relieved that I can stop fighting them and defeated because I gave in. I eat quietly while Stef and Lena sit next to me. They each glance over at me occasionally. Okay maybe the lack of food was causing me to be grumpy because I instantly start to feel better. I feel more energized and less cranky. I hate that they are right. They are always right. I wonder how long this will last, my fight against them. I am honestly not even sure what I am fighting for anymore. I am just tired. Tired of fighting. Maybe I should just give up or give in.


	7. Chapter 7

After I had eaten all of the food on my plate I convinced Stef and Lena to let me go watch TV in the living room. They stayed in the kitchen but every 20 minutes they would go upstairs to grab something or one of them had to go to the bathroom. I know they are just spying on me and wanted an excuse to pass the living room. I am nervous for when everyone else comes home. Jude is going to be worried about me and Mariana is going to question me until I give her an answer. Although I am happy that at the same time I wont be alone in the house with Stef and Lena. It may take some attention off of me.

I hear my phone beep and pull it out of my pocket seeing a text from Mariana. Stef and Lena forgot to make me give them my phone. Should I give it to them? I don't want to get into more trouble for keeping it. I decide to look at my phone really quickly and check the message and then I will go return it.

_From Mari: What the hell happened? What did you do? I will be home in twenty minutes. Get ready to spill. _

Great. I decide to respond just so that Mariana doesn't keep texting and say something that gets herself in trouble. Lena is super strict when it comes to words and hates when we say any swear word, including the word hell.

_To Mariana: About to get my phone taken away, so don't text me because Mom's will be the ones looking at it. _

I realize I just said Mom's and start to feel embarrassed.

_To Mariana: Your Mom's._

I am about to delete the conversation when I hear someone clear there throat. I look up to see Lena staring at me.

"You might want to give me that before Mom see's you holding it. You know we wanted it. When you realized you had it you should have come and given it to us."

"Actually, I didn't realize I had it until I heard it beep just now. Then I looked and saw I had a text. I was just about to return it. Can I just respond and let them know I wont have my phone?" Really I want to delete our conversation. I don't want them to see what Mariana said and I don't want them to see that I called them my mom's. We both hear Stef coming down the steps. I practically run to Lena and give her my phone. We both look at each other and start cracking up. I let out a real belly laugh and tears start to come to my eyes. Lena is laughing just as hard and clutching her stomach.

"Callie, the look on your face was priceless. I thought you were the only child that wasn't afraid of Stef." We try to contain our laughter before Stef gets in the room but we can't.

"Well this is one of the best things I have seen all day. What is so funny?" Stef says smiling really big. I pull myself together and say, "nothing". Stef eyes me suspiciously and looks to Lena. Lena puts her hands up saying, "don't look at me."

I can't help but let another giggle escape me and I quickly put my hands up to cover my mouth. Stef is about to say something when all of my siblings walk through the door. Jude rushes up to me and latches onto my waist. His comfort is what I have needed all day.

"Callie, I have been so worried about you, are you ok? What happened?" I wrap my arms around him and embrace the reassurance he is giving me.

"It's okay baby I was just not feeling well. Everything is fine now."

"Why did you walk to school by yourself?"

"Uhmm…" Surprisingly I look up to Stef for help. I didn't know what to say and didn't want to tell the real reason why. I think it just clicked in Stef's head that I heard her and Lena talking this morning.

"It is all taken care of Jude, why don't you go start on your homework, that way you wont have any to do all weekend." Jude looks up to me and I nod. I lean down to kiss him on the forehead and let him go up the stairs. All the siblings follow except Mariana.

"Here Cals, I brought your homework from the teachers, since Mama wasn't there to get it. I can explain to you what needs to be done." Mariana says obviously trying to give us some alone time. For that I am grateful.

"Okay, uhm why don't we go upstairs and do homework together." I smile as I start walking towards the steps grabbing Mariana's arm before Stef and Lena can object. Unfortunately Lena intervenes.

"Mariana you go right on up Callie will join you shortly." Mari looks at me and I sigh. She is hesitant to leave and I think it is because the intense look I am giving her. Begging her to save me.

"It's okay Mari, I will be up in a second." I say reassuringly. "I think." I mumble under my breath.

"What was that love? Not something disrespectful I hope." I just shake my head at her. "Good, because you know how much I hate mumbling. But I will drop it just this once."

"Alright sweetheart we will let you go be upstairs with Mariana, but you are not to lock any doors, remember? If you are tempted or need ANYTHING, come get us please?"

"I will." I mean it too. Only I know my mind will change when the time comes.

"We love you." Stef says. I just nod. "Okay well go you can stay up there as long as Mariana is with you. We wont say anything but we are trusting you."

I nod again and head upstairs. I get up the stairs and decide I need to act now. I don't plan to cut again but I need something just incase. I figured they hadn't taken any of the razors out yet so I quietly tip toe in the bathroom so they can't hear me downstairs. The floor boards always creek.

I reach around the shower curtain and they are all missing. I start getting upset and start looking through drawers and cabinets as quietly as possible. I can feel myself starting to get worked up and frustrated.

I finally lose it and shout "Dammit!" very loudly and slam my hand on the sink out of discouragement. I hear two sets of footsteps begin to make their way quickly up the stairs. I run to my room and look at Mariana desperately.

"Mariana if you care about me at all you will back me up and say I stubbed my toe. PLEASE." I drop to the ground and hold my toe pretending and the next thing I know Stef and Lena run in the room. Stef is about to come to me and I put my hand up telling her that I am fine.

Stef ignores me and comes down to me and says, "What's wrong, what happened?" Stef is looking at me with worry and here breathing is elevating.

"I just stubbed my toe, it's fine.", I say calmly. "It just hurt really bad. I am sorry I swore," I add looking up to Lena who is still standing in the doorway looking confused.

"What was the big bang noise then?" Lena says calmly.

"Goodness you guys, she stubbed her toe and then dropped to the ground because it hurt. Why are you guys so jumpy? Let the poor girl breathe". I can't help but smile for a second before Stef and Lena look back to me.

"Watch your attitude Miss Thing," Stef says sternly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you it just hurt." I watch Lena walk up to Stef and pull her up and starts bringing her out of the room.

"It is okay sweetheart but try not to swear, you know how I feel about that. We are here if you need us." I just nod. I watch Mariana stand up and close the door.

"Okay, what the hell was that?" Mariana says bewildered.

"I am on extreme grounding because I left the house this morning without permission and then they tried to call me and I ignored it. I also didn't go to Lena's office I just went to class. I figured you can't get in trouble for going to class, but turns out I was wrong."

"So that is why Mama called you to her office." I could see her putting this together. "You know Cals, Mom HATES when we ignore her calls."

"Yeah, I noticed." I say dryly.

"There has to be more though, they are worried too, not just mad. What are you not telling me."

"I know this may not seem fair right now. I want to tell you everything but I don't think I am ready. I haven't told your Mom's everything either. I don't want to make up a story and lie to you. They found some stuff out about my past that I didn't mean for them to and now they are worried. They have been following me everywhere and ask me if I am okay every second. Thanks so much for what you did back there. I got mad and swore and hit the sink in the bathroom. I was just overwhelmed but if I told them that they would want to know why I was angry or what caused it and in that moment I just wanted to be angry. I am sorry I am just not ready to talk about it." I look up across from her not sure how she is going to respond. She looks understanding but with Mari, you never know what is going to come out of her mouth.

"It is alright, I understand." She smiles a genuine smile.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I have some stuff I remember about my birth mom that I still haven't told Mom's because it hurts to talk about. Jesus knows because he was there but I understand not wanting people to know bits of your life before you got here. But if you ever change your mind, I am here for you."

"Thank you Mari, same goes for you." I look up at her and smile. She returns it and comes to sit over with me on the bed. "So, I may as well actually explain this homework to you now."

Stef's point of view:

Lena pulls me into our room and closes the door. I watch her walk over to the bed and fall onto it face first. I can't help but laugh at her reaction. She looks like a little kid with her face buried in the pillows.

"You are on my side you know?" I see her role over to her own side with a smirk. "I didn't say I was complaining", I said seductively. I crawled over to the bed and laid down next to her snuggling up into her side and laying my head on her chest.

"What a day, huh?" I say exhaustedly.

"Tell me about it. It is not even over yet. It's only four. I have never had my emotions played with so much in one day. I love Callie so much I hurt when she hurts." I can hear the pain in her voice.

"I know my love, me too. I think we need to take her to talk to someone. She needs someone who can help her figure this out that she is not emotionally attached too. Plus I am not sure if we are even handling this right."

"I was thinking the same thing. I am glad you agree because I want to make sure we are doing what is best for Callie." Lena says relieved. I hear a beeping noise and look to see Lena pull Callie's phone out of her pocket. She goes to swipe the phone and it is a text from Wyatt asking if Callie wants to hang out later.

"Should we respond for her? So he doesn't think Callie is ignoring him?" Lena asks me. I smile; she has a heart of gold and never wants anyone to get hurt.

"Sure sweets." I watch as Lena pretends to be Callie and tells him that she is grounded and is getting her phone taken away and she will talk to him on Monday. Lena goes back to messages and is just messing around. I stop when I notice a text that says, _Your Mom's, _that she sent to Mariana.

"Lena click on Mariana's messages." I watch Lena click on Mariana as we read the texts from today. I start to sigh knowing that Lena is about to comment on Mariana's word choice when something catches my eye. Callie called us Mom's. I smile and look over to Lena. She was already looking at me.

"She called us her Mom's." Lena whispers. I smile at her and there are tears in her eyes.

"I am pretty sure this just gave me the strength I needed to make it through the rest of the day. She just naturally texted it to Mariana. It gives me hope that she will fully let us in someday." I say happily. "Love, I think she heard our conversation this morning which is why she left early this morning."

"I thought that's what you were thinking when Jude asked her. She looked up to you for help too, that is a good sign."

"You are right. I hope we are not pushing Callie too much. I know we need to give her some space which is why I let you drag me out of Callie's room when I begun to panic. I think all of my emotions from today just started coming out at once. I know we will get through this because of our love. Even if we don't know what to do I know we will love each other through it." I realize how sensitive I have been today and can't help but smile. When it comes to my family I am a complete sap.

"I love you so much Stefanie."

"As I love you my dear Lena." I sit there and just let myself relax with my beautiful wife. We need these few moments with each other before we get back into reality.

Callie's Point of View:

I have been working on homework for what feels like hours. Mariana already finished but she stayed laying next to me and played on her phone. After she explained my homework she got her own and came to lay down on my bed with me. We have been getting really close lately and I think she could tell I needed the closeness but I think she needed it for herself as well.

"My brain hurts, but I am done. How long has it been?"

"Two hours." She says smirking.

"Feels like ten. I am surprised we haven't seen Stef and Lena yet."

"I was actually thinking the same thing but it is getting close to dinner so I would hold your tongue. I have a feeling that will change."

"Do you think if I was asleep they wouldn't make me go downstairs?"

"I doubt it but we could try. I am tired anyways. I could use a nap."

"Are you alright?" She seems off.

"Yeah, I guess our conversation earlier got me thinking and now I can't stop thinking about my birth mom and when I was little. I remember a lot more than I thought I did. It is just starting to overwhelm me a little bit. I know Mom's will notice something is off too. They always notice." I smile at this.

"I know they do trust me." I look over to her and see pain on her face. I carefully link my fingers in hers and lean back against the pillows she follows my lead and we lay there together.

"You are my best friend Mari. I would be so lost without you. I hope you know that."

"You are my best friend too Cals. I am so glad I finally have a sister. I love you."

"Love you too." We stop talking and just lay there. We begin to drift into sleep. I hear the door open and my eyes start fluttering. I look up and Stef and Lena are holding hands looking at us adoringly. I look over to Mari and nudge her.

"Mari" I whisper. She groans and opens her eyes.

"Guess our plan didn't work." She said while looking at Stef and Lena. I just giggle.

"What plan?" Lena says confused

"Nothing, she is kidding." I say hoping they don't further question.

"Dinner is ready loves, come down stairs please." Stef says leaving the room. She looks at me and I can see that the last part was directed at me specifically.

"Coming" I say.

We get downstairs and everyone has food on their plates, they are waiting for Mariana and I. Apparently they were calling for us and we didn't answer. I sit down and there is food on my plate already. Great. I look up to Stef. I am not sure if I should look at her angrily or thankfully. That way I don't have to dish myself. I hate doing that. I think my eyes were pained because I look up at her again and her eyes are soft and full of love. Before Mariana can sit down Stef walks over and sits next to me. Mariana kind of looks at her weirdly but doesn't push it because of our conversation from earlier. I watch Mariana go sit next to Lena. I think everyone else thought this was strange but they didn't say anything.

I look to Mariana and she motions for me to wipe my face. I wipe my face and find a tear that is half way down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away and sigh. I don't want to eat. I feel eyes on me so I look up to Stef. She quietly picks up her stool and moves close to me so our legs are touching. I think they have finally realized touch is my love language. She gently reaches for my hand under the table and holds it. I feel her mouth at my ear and she whispers, "I love you so much my sweet Callie girl. I am here with you. Feel my hand in yours. You are safe and loved. You can do this. I have got you." She lets go and casually begins to eat with her hand still tightly clasped in mine. I grip her hand tightly and move it close to my stomach for comfort. I can tell she sees what I am doing because she leans in closer to me so our upper bodies are touching. It gives me what I need. I pick up my fork and slowly begin to eat.

I haven't looked up. Everyone is in normal conversation. Stef is still really close to me and our hands are still clasped. I have almost eaten everything on my plate. I look to Lena who winks at me and blows me a kiss. I give her a small smile and put my fork down. I made progress tonight. It may not always be this easy but it felt so good to let Stef help me tonight.

After dinner I helped with dishes tonight because I missed my turn last night. It is me Brandon and Jesus. As I stand there quietly drying dishes I can't help but think about how so much has happened within that last 24 hours.

"Are you doing okay Callie?" It was Jesus.

"Oh yeah, I am sorry I am tired so I keep staring off into space."

"We noticed," Brandon said smiling.

"Thanks for helping Jude with this last night. It was really sweet. I know it was my turn. I can finish this if you want."

"Of course not. It was no problem Callie." Brandon says sincerely.

"Besides, we are almost done. We just want you to know that if you ever need anything we are here for you." Jesus says while playfully punching my arm. "Especially if you need me to beat someone up, I could always do that easily."

"Well thanks I will be sure to keep that in mind." I say before punching him back.

After we finish I head upstairs to my room. I walk into the room and plop on the bed face first groaning loudly.

"I swear these last twenty four hours have felt like an entire week. I am so exhausted."

"Well at least we get to sleep in tomorrow."

"Thank Goodness." I go to change my pajamas and get frustrated that I still have to wear long sleeves. It is so hot but I don't want to explain my bandage to Mari. I decide to put on a tank top and then put a sweatshirt on over it so I can take the sweatshirt off once I get into bed.

"I am tired, you don't care if I go to bed do you?"

"No honestly I am tired too." She shuts the light off and we fall into our own little worlds starting to drift into sleep. About ten minutes later our door opens.

"Are you guys asleep?" It is Stef.

"Honey, be quiet." Lena is always so nice and considerate.

"Well, we are not asleep anymore", Mariana says irritated.

"Well my babies I am sorry I just came to say good night". I watch Stef walk over to Mariana and kiss her. Lena walks over to me and kisses me on the cheek. I think I surprise her when I wrap my arms around her and hold her close. I hold really tight and then let her go.

"I am here if you need me Callie," she whispers "Anytime even if it is the middle of the night." Stef had walked over and kissed me too. I did the same thing to her I did to Lena and held on tightly. She kisses me one last time.

"That goes for me too sweets."

"Goodnight loves," Stef says as her and Lena walk out.

I fall asleep actually smiling because of the new family I have found. The family that will officially be mine in two days.

I wake up suddenly gasping and clutching my chest. I just had a terrible nightmare. The only problem is my nightmare actually happened. I had a vivid dream of what Liam did to me. I am sweating terribly and start panicking. I need to cut. I need to cut now. I practically run out of bed quietly and open the door. I tip toe down the steps and go to the knife drawer. I open the drawer where we keep all the sharp knives and it is empty. You have got to be kidding me. What the hell are the doing to me. I go to a junk drawer and start digging through it. I need something, anything.

I figure that they are all in Lena and Stef's room. I turn around to go upstairs and there is Jude. He is staring at me with wide eyes.

"Callie what are you doing?" He looks frightened.

"Nothing go back to sleep."

"You are all sweaty. Are you sick? We should go get Stef and Lena."

"No Jude, stay out of this." Why am I being so short with him? This is not like me.

"Baby I am sorry just please don't tell anyone."

"No Callie, this is not okay something is really wrong and you are scaring me. You are acting like you did when you were at Liam's. I am going to get them." He walks towards the steps.

"Jude wait. Please! I will go talk to them. I will go talk to them right now if you promise to go back to bed and not tell anyone."

"You promise you will go talk to them?"

"Yes I promise please, lets go." We start to walk up the stairs and I begin to panic. Now I have to go get them. What time is it? I walk to Jude's door but he shakes his head.

"No Callie I am not going to bed until you walk in there and close the door. I know you are hurting yourself" He pulls my sleeve back and I gasp.

"Callie please just let them help you. I don't want to lose you."

"You wont lost me Jude, I promise." How they heck did he know this. When did Jude get like this? I am so confused to what is happening but am desperate for him to get back to bed so people don't wake up.

"Okay Jude but once I am in there you go to sleep and don't say anything."

"Deal." He waits. I slowly open Stef and Lena's door and peek in. They are both quietly sleeping.

"Go Callie, I am not messing around." I look at him shocked and terrified. Terrified because the one thing I fought everyday to protect knows I cut myself. He knows I take a blade to my skin and inflict pain. I can't believe it. I am on the verge of a mental breakdown.

I fully open the door and step inside. I look back at Jude one last time and shut the door. I stay there not sure what to do. I can feel the tears coming. The tears for wanting to cut so badly, Jude knowing I self harm, the dream I had about Liam that is actually reality, and the desperate need of help from the two women sleeping right in front of me.

I hear Stef stir. I am honestly surprised they haven't gotten up yet but I guess everyone is pretty tired from the emotional day. I am crying at this point and go to Stef's side. I chock back a sob and shake her slightly.

"Stef." I whisper crying harder.

"Love, what is it." She immediately sits up and grabs my arms and looks to see if there are fresh wounds. She doesn't see any so she pulls me onto the bed and wraps her arms around me while I cry.

"Sweetheart what is wrong? Are you okay, did something happen?" I look at Lena who has moved closer to us.

"I just had a terrible dream and then I wanted to… I wanted to…" I start sobbing again. I can't even say the word right now. At this point I am flat out sobbing.

"Baby what was the dream about?" Lena tries again.

"Please I am so tired I just want to sleep. I need to sleep. Please let me sleep."

Stef pulls back from me. Lena opens the covers up in between them and says. "Hop in". I look at her like she is crazy.

"Come on love, you are staying with us." Stef's tone was full of complete love but it was definitely a demand.

I slowly get under the blankets and start crying harder. I roll onto Stef's pillow and face her. She moves so our heads are touching and she wraps her arms around me. I feel Lena grab me from behind and wrap her arms around me as well. I am completely sandwiched between them but I feel so safe and protected. Like Liam could never touch me.

"Shh, you are okay Callie girl. Sleep. We are here and you are safe. We aren't going anywhere it will be okay." I cry hard for about ten minutes. I finally look at the clock on Stef's nightstand. It read 3:27. Oh Goodness. Tomorrow will be a long day too.

I look up to see Stef still staring at me. Our foreheads are still touching.

"Stef" I whisper.

"Yes my love?"

"I love you." Stef stops stroking my arm like she has been for the last ten minutes. She hugs me tighter and I see tears coming down her face.

"Oh my baby. My baby girl I love you too." I look at her and kiss her forehead. After that I roll over to Lena. She has tears in her eyes.

"Lena" I whisper.

"Yes Baby?"

"I love you." Lena is crying harder than Stef. I look into her eyes before rolling completely onto her pillow and burying my head into her neck and hair. I wrap my arms around her. I feel Stef come up from behind me and spoon me from the back. I lay there thinking about how lucky I am. I have to Mothers that I love dearly and who love me back.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks so much for the reviews! They keep me going. You guys are awesome! Also, this chapter talks about suicide so I just want to warn anyone who has a hard time with that topic. Also sorry if you guys have found spelling or punctuation errors, I try my best to catch them all. **

I slowly feel myself rise out of sleep. I feel like I have been hit by a bus. I open my eyes and get confused when I realize I am in Stef and Lena's room. I look at the clock and it is 11:00am. Stef and Lena are not in here so I assume they are downstairs. I slowly remember everything that happened last night. I told Stef and Lena that I love them. I wanted to be angry with myself but I couldn't, all I could do was smile. Even though it was really hard to say, it may be the most truthful thing I have ever said. I love this family with my entire heart.

My mood immediately changes when I think about Jude. I can't believe that he knows. I don't know what to do. I sit up and pull my knees into my chest. I bury my head in my knees and silently cry. I don't want anyone to hear me. I just am so devastated he knows. Has he known since Liam's? I don't know what to do, or what to say to him. I could just lie and say it was a scratch, but I doubt he will believe that. I feel like my entire world just flipped upside down. My baby, my Jude, the thing I fought so long and hard to protect knows I cut myself. I can't have him think this is an acceptable behavior. He can't think this is the answer. I don't care if I hurt myself, but the thought of Jude hurting himself absolutely devastates me. I am the example he has grown up with. I thought I was protecting him, but maybe I am not good enough for him. I failed. I failed Jude. He deserves better than me. I am not good enough to be the person he looks up to. I wonder if Jude will say something to Stef and Lena? Should I tell Stef and Lena that he knows? As much as I don't want to maybe I should. He needs someone who can explain it is not okay and I think that it would look really bad if it came from me, the one who actually does it. He needs a strong adult. He needs Stef and Lena. He doesn't need me.

I hear footsteps on the stairs. I really don't want to deal with anyone. I quickly wipe my face and crawl under the covers. I try to slow my breathing and keep it very even so that it seems like I am asleep. I am pretty sure it is Stef and Lena. After about a month here I was able to determine who was coming up the steps just by the way they walk.

I hear the door open and try to stay calm, focusing on my breathing. They are the two most observant parents in the world. If I want them to think I am asleep I am going to have to focus and work very hard. I hear the door open. I am tempted to take a peek but I know they are looking right at me. Focus. Breathe.

"Do you think she is still asleep?" Stef whispers

"I am not sure, but I don't know if we should wake her up or not." Lena answers. "We need to talk to her. I have never her seen her so upset. We need to know what is going on but I know she is so exhausted." Breathe Callie. Don't cry, don't cry, just focus. You can do this.

"Something is bothering Jude too." I hear Lena add

"Maybe he is just worried about Callie. He is probably wondering why she didn't sleep in Mariana's room. Mariana said he went in there this morning and started panicking when he couldn't find Callie. He is definitely worried about her." Stef whispers quietly. I am honestly surprised they don't know I am awake. They know everything. Oh crap, I stopped breathing for a second. Keep going.

"We are worried about you too, Callie." Stef says in a regular voice. Shoot. I sit up and open my eyes. They are filled with tears.

"Morning." I say carefully. I quickly rub my eyes and blink away the tears.

"Good Morning sweets. Listening to our conversation now were you?" Stef says playfully.

"Technically you came into the room I was in and started talking in front of me. Not really my fault" I answered.

"I guess you are right love bug, but I am impressed with your fake sleeping skills. I think that is the record for the longest any kid has tricked us." I start to smile with victory. I may have screwed up but they actually thought I was sleeping.

"Yes, but now we know your tricks" Lena said playfully. I lose my smile.

"Tricks?" I say grumpily. I hear them both chuckle.

"Oh yes sweetheart, you gave away your fake sleeping pattern to us. Now we will know when it is real and when it is not."

"You will not." I say crossing my arms.

"Oh yes, Moms know everything and are always one step ahead of their kids. Don't forget that." Stef loves banter. I am pretty sure she would talk like this 24/7 if Lena would let her.

"Maybe almost always." I grin evilly.

"Almost?" Lena asks curiously. Crap, now she is even more curious about what I am hiding. I quickly cover my tracks.

"You thought I was sleeping just now, but I wasn't."

"True, but we are still learning things, so thanks for showing us your trick." I just groan. Stef and Lena chuckle and sit on the bed across from me. The mood in the room gets instantly serious as soon as they sit down. They don't even say anything they just look up at me. Waiting for me to speak.

I decide now or never. They need to talk to Jude. They need to let him know that it is not okay. He needs strong people to be his role model. I am nothing of the sort. I look up at Lena and Stef. I bring my knees up to my chest and stare Lena directly in the eye. I choose Lena because her and Jude seem to have this deep connection. They are almost identical.

"Jude knows." I look at her as tears fall out of my eyes. Stef starts to move closer to me but I put up my hand. "Don't. I can't fall apart. I need you to hear this." Stef looks hurt but nods and sits back. I watch Lena grab her hand. I stare at their hands for a few moments. They love each other so much. The love in this house is so beautiful but for someone like me who barely knows what love is, it can be overwhelming.

"He knows I am cutting. He figured it out last night before I came into your room. He followed me downstairs—"

"Why were you downstairs in the middle of the night?" Stef asks calmly but I can see the panic in her eyes.

"Uhh, I needed some water," I say quickly.

"Water?" Lena asks carefully.

"Yes water" I snap back. I raised my voice too. Whoops.

"Hey, don't talk to your mother that way, understand?" Stef said sternly.

"As I was saying," I say grumpily. Stef eyes me sternly. I continue anyway. "I went to get water and Jude found me. He could tell I was distraught. He said he was worried about me and I started being short with him." My shoulders slump guilty and hurt as I think about how I treated him. "Jude says I looked sick so he said he was going to get you guys." Stef and Lena smile at this. They love when their kids come to them for help. I can't help but think that is a little weird. Don't they get tired of five kids? I want to stop. I don't want to open up, but I need them to take care of Jude. "He started walking up the stairs and I got mad at him and begged him not to come get you guys." I saw Stef and Lena's eyes sadden when I said that. I start to feel bad but shrug it off so I keep my courage to continue." He started freaking out and saying that I was acting how I was when I was at L.." Oh my god. Damn, I almost said Liam's name. What the heck is wrong with me?! My breathing starts to increase. Stef is looking at me fully alert with extreme interest. I look at her and see the cop in her. I know what I said just caused a red flag to go up in her head.

I feel my breathing increase. I know Stef and Lena can her it. I need to think of something fast before I start to have a panic attack. I carefully adjust my arms around my legs so Stef and Lena can't see my fingers. I need pain, I need relief, and I need to calm down. I take my nails and dig them into my skin as forcefully as I can with out making it too obvious. I just stare at the ground digging my nails into my legs waiting for them to say something. Stef quickly grabs my hands and scoots right next to me. She holds my hands in hers and squeezes tightly.

"Hurting yourself isn't the answer baby." How the hell did she know I was doing that? I look to Lena who I think has caught on as she tries to keep her eyes from watering. I quickly throw myself out of Stef's embrace and stand at the side of the bed.

"Look, Jude said to me last night I know you are hurting yourself. He pushed my sleeve up and saw the bandages. He can't think that this is acceptable for him to do! You can't let him think he can do this! I am not good enough for him. I need you to tell him. Tell him I am a screw up and to not follow my example. He needs to know this. He needs too! PLEASE!" I finish yelling at them and fall to my knees and start to cry. I can't do this.

"I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this." I think I am chanting this in my head but I am not. I start to get embarrassed but don't even care. I am on the ground in hysterics with my head in my hands rocking back and forth.

Lena slowly approaches me but I scamper further away from her. I see her eyes soften. It looks as if I am terrified she is going to hurt me. I just yelled at them. I don't think they are going to hurt me I think they are going to comfort me. I don't deserve comfort or help.

"Callie," Stef says. She is still up on the bed. She is looking down at me. I can't read her emotions and I don't like that.

"We are not going to hurt you."

"I know you aren't. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve this family. I am WORTHLESS don't you see?!" I start to stand up. "Jude knows what I did. He saw! I fought my entire life to protect him and now it doesn't even matter. I have gotten beaten and hurt extremely badly for him. I have never let people touch him or hurt him but then he sees me hurting myself. All my progress, everything I have done is ruined. I don't deserve to be alive." I lean against the wall and slide down it into a sitting position. I don't cry. I don't move. I even am breathing normally. I have just accepted my fate. I don't deserve to be here. I can't feel anything.

I feel hands on my chin brining them up to look into the eyes of Lena. Stef is sitting next her and is staring at me.

"You deserve to be here Callie. YOU deserve everything. You are NOT worthless. You are my whole life. I do not want you talking that way about MY daughter. I would be so lost without you. I would NEVER ever get over losing you. If I lost you, it would kill me." Lena pauses and takes a deep breath. "Jude is so lucky to have you. You cannot have such high standards for yourself. You need to realize that you are human and you make mistakes. I have never seen such a stronger love in my entire life like the love you have for Jude. You are 16 baby. You will make mistakes. You will hurt, but the thing is you do NOT have to do it alone. I am here forever and am not going anywhere. You can scream, you can push me away physically or emotionally but I will be here for you for eternity. Nothing, not even death, will be able to stop my love for you."

I look up at the sincerity and intensity in Lena's eyes. I love her. I love her so much.

"I can't do it Lena."

"Can't do what sweetheart?"

"This, life. I hurt. I hurt everyday. I am always in pain, I always feel so alone. I can't find any reason to stay here. I just want to die. I never thought I could go because of Jude, but now he has you both to take care of him. I am not needed." I can't believe I am saying this but it is true. "I don't care anymore so you might as well know the truth. I have got nothing to lose"

"Baby you can not give up!." Stef says. "I love you so much. You are NOT alone. We LOVE YOU more than anything else in this entire world. We will be here for you. We have got you. We will talk to Jude okay? We will explain that this is not an appropriate behavior and explain better ways to deal with feelings. You need to come to us. We are here. We are going to get through this and we are not going anywhere. Will you please let us in love? I can't bare the thought of losing you. Neither could Jude. He needs his sister."

"Sweetheart I need to ask you a hard question" Lena pauses and looks to Stef. Stef know what she is about to ask. I see Stef look at me and get next to me. She pulls me in between her legs wrapping her arms around me. They already know my weaknesses. They know I will break down and let them in when I am being held. It is my love language. It is the way to show me love the most.

"My sweet girl I need you to answer me honestly okay?" I nod. "No honey, I need you to say that you promise. You told me you never make promises you can't keep so I need to hear you promise me."

"How do I know I can promise to answer honestly if I don't know the question?" I feel Stef stroking my hair.

"Trust us sweets. Trust that we will take care of you no matter what. You can promise before you know the question because you can trust us." I look at Lena. I look in her eyes, search for her emotions. I feel her love. I close my eyes. I feel Stef holding me tightly but not capturing me. She is giving me a choice to an extent. I keep debating for about five minutes. Until I hear a voice in my head. A voice that I would be able to recognize anywhere. I swear to God it is my mom and I hear her say, "Trust them, they are safe." My eyes flew open and I start to panic that I am going insane. But I can't help but feel that my mom is watching over me.

"I promise." I whisper. I see Lena smile and scoot as close to me as possible.

"I know this is going to be hard Callie, but I need you to answer me this question, do you ever think of suicide?" My eyes widen. Yes, all the time! I want to scream that. Are they going to send me to a mental hospital? I don't make promises I can't keep. I am pretty sure they know my answer because it has taken me so long to respond.

"Yes", I whisper. I feel Stef stiffen the slightest bit and then I feel her try to relax.

"Do you have a plan to hurt yourself?"

"No, I do not." I answer honestly.

"Do you want to die Callie?" Stef asks calmly. This is the first time she has spoken in about 20 minutes. Just like Stef and Lena to be strong for each other. When one is struggling, the other takes over.

"I don't want to die, I just want the pain to stop." I say

"That is understandable my love. I want the pain to stop for you too, but death and suicide, that isn't the answer." Her voice is shaky.

"I don't think anyone would be that devastated if I left." I say looking down. Stef turns me around so I am looking directly into her eyes. There are tears flowing rapidly down her face.

"Callie baby, please don't think that. Don't ever leave me. I need you. I will help you find your worth. I will do everything in my power to try and make you feel happy. Just please, PLEASE don't give up on me. I am telling you that I would be devastated. I would never recover from your death. It would destroy Lena and I. Baby, I am here. We are going to get you help."

"I am sorry." I whisper.

"Don't apologize, you are opening up and trusting us. You are being honest. It is SO SO important that you be honest with us. Do you know that?" Lena asks. I turn towards her and nod. She is crying as well.

"I am sorry for making you both cry."

"Sweets we are crying because we love you so much it hurts. Crying because it scares us that you would leave. We love you so much, so much that we cannot help but cry. Don't apologize. We are crying because we love you more than anything in this entire world. You are our child, and our children mean the world to us."

"I love you both." I say quietly.

"I love you too my sweet Callie girl" Lena says.

"And I love you as well my beautiful daughter" Stef says wiping her face.

"Do you think everyone heard me yell?" I ask embarrassed.

"No sweets we sent them to lunch and a movie so we could talk with you."

"They are not going to like me if you keep sending them away for me."

"Oh my love," Stef begins, "they love you so much and besides we gave them money to go have fun", Stef chuckles, "they are probably having a blast." I smile. Jude is with his, OUR, new siblings and is safe.

"Do you still want to adopt me?" I ask.

"There is nothing more Stef or I want in this entire world then to adopt you and Jude, Callie girl." I smile with tears in my eyes.

"How did I get so luck to find you guys?"

"We are the lucky ones baby, we have found our daughter. It took you a while to get home, but you finally made it." Lena says kissing my head. I stand up and they look at me confused.

"I need to tell you guys something. Something serious. It is about my dream. I need to tell you before you adopt me. I need you to know all of me so I know that you truly want me."

"Love, we wouldn't change our mind no matter what." Stef said confidentially.

"You say that and I want nothing more than to believe you but I just need to do this okay? I trust you both but I want this to be real and genuine. I want you to know me before I become your daughter."

"What ever you would like sweetheart, but you are already our daughter." Lena says as her and Stef stand up.

"When will everyone be back?" I asked, trying to see how much time I have.

"Not for at least two hours."

"Can I shower first? I am all sticky and gross."

"Yes," Stef said, "but in our room, with the door open, understand?"

"Yes let me just get clothes." I walk out of their room and into my room. I shut the door but it is immediately opened and I see Stef sit on the Mariana's bed watching me get clothes.

"Seriously?" I say full of attitude.

"Attitude, Sweets. I am not trying to be overbearing but you just told us that you have thoughts of suicide. I know it is going to be rough, but we don't want you being alone for a little while. I was serious when I said I couldn't handle losing you, so if this is what it takes, so be it. For just a little while until we can help with those thoughts, we will be with you at all times. I am sorry love, but you are too precious to risk." I can't help but feel loved at what she just said. No one has ever referred to me as precious. If I weren't so annoyed I would smile.

"Whatever", I say slamming my drawers and walking into the kids bathroom. I do this just to annoy Stef. We are so alike it kills me. But I am stubborn and I want to shower in here.

"What do you think you are doing?" Stef asks following me in looking angry.

"What does it look like?" I ask smugly turning on the water. Stef comes over and turns it off.

"Callie, we told you the rules. You are already grounded because of your behavior but we can add on more time for attitude too." I roll my eyes at her.

"You are pushing it there love bug."

"I WANT to shower in here." I say loudly. I see Lena walking in with her arms crossed.

"Callie, I know it is easier for you to put up walls of anger, especially after you just let us in, but that doesn't mean you get to treat us with disrespect," Lena says. "Please get your stuff, go in our room, get in the shower, and leave the door open. That is the rule. You are doing so great we have made so much progress. Lets just get through these next few hours calmly, alright?" I look up at her roll my eyes and nod.

"Oh dear Callie, you will stop rolling your eyes if you know what is good for you." Stef says harshly. I look at her with an evil smirk.

"Go!" Lena says a little harshly.

"Yes ma'am," I say sarcastically and do as I am told. I walk into the bathroom as they stand in the door. I glare at them and sigh loudly. I start to exaggerate my behavior and make it overly clear that I am annoyed. I get in the shower and hear Stef and Lena talking. I can't make out what they are saying. I turn the water on and instantly relax as the warm water hits me back.

Lena's point of View:

I hear Callie turn the shower on and sigh in relief. I am sitting on the toilet afraid to leave the room. I know she will be fine. All there is in the shower is shampoo, conditioner and soap. There is nothing she can hurt herself with. I decided to walk out to find Stef laying on our newly made bed. I smile because she knows I hate when the bed is messy. I crawl and lay down next to her. I throw my legs over hers and sigh.

"That attitude was a little unexpected but normal. Man, and I thought Mariana was dramatic. That was almost as bad. Callie is trying to put her walls down and her emotions are getting confused. At least she feels safe enough to get angry and challenge us. Those challenges are actually a breakthrough. If she feels safe enough to do that she knows that we wont get angry and send her away. I have a feeling we have a lot more headed our way." I say looking at Stef

" I think so too my love. Callie will have emotions going everywhere. So it is safe to say that we should expect anger, hurt, crying, cuddling, and much more." I chuckle at Stef, she is such a kid but I love her more than anything.

"Are you scared for what Callie is going to tell us?" I ask her carefully.

"I am not sure. I have a feeling whatever it is, was not her fault. I think someone hurt her but I am not positive."

"She makes it sound like she committed a crime. But my gut tells me she is not at fault. That girl couldn't hurt anyone. She is so misunderstood. She loves people so much and is always putting others first." I say.

"I know, which is why I have a feeling whatever she tells us is going to hurt us even more. I am scared Lena. We need to get her into counseling right away. I can't lose her." I watch tears roll down Stef's cheeks.

"I know Stef, I am too. I actually looked this morning and set an appointment for her on Tuesday. I tried to do tomorrow but they are closed on Sunday's, unless it is an emergency. She admitted she doesn't want to die and doesn't have a plan so it is not an emergency but it could become one, which is why we can't let her be alone." I say sadly. "My heart is breaking. My beautiful, sweet, loving girl is hurting so bad and I feel so helpless." My voice cracked as I fight back sobs. Stef looks at me and comes closer holding me tight.

"We will be okay, our love is strong enough to keep her here. I know it is." I smile at my wife's heart. So big and full of love. Everyone think's I am the sensitive one, but when it comes to our children, she is the same.

"I think so too." I agree.

"Do you think they will suggest medication?" Stef asks almost hesitantly.

"I was wondering too. I am not sure. I think they will evaluate her and try to decide if she needs it. Why do you think medication is bad?" I ask her confused about the way she asked the question.

"Oh no love, but I can see Callie just resenting the idea of taking pills. Don't you?"

"Yeah, unfortunately I think we would have to be on her ten times more than we are with Jesus for his ADD meds and we have to remind him twice a day. But we will get through whatever we have to for our beautiful Callie girl."

"I agree with you my beautiful love." Stef says

"You guys are the same person. Both stubborn but so full of love towards your family. It amazes me. Sometimes when I talk to her I think I am talking to you."

"I know," I see Stef smile proudly. "I feel like I have been searching for Callie my whole life. Her and Jude finally complete our family."

"Yes, and we have the best family in the world." I say snuggling closer to Stef.

"Alright love, I am going to get Callie, it has been fifteen minutes. That was more than I was planning on giving her." Stef says standing up. I watch my beautiful wife walk into the bathroom and I can't help but feel I am so lucky to have her by my side.

Callie's point of view:

I know that I probably should get out soon but I am trying to soak up the alone time. I have a feeling I won't be getting it for a while. I want to cut, but know I have no way of doing so. I honestly think cutting will give me more courage to actually tell them about Liam. It helps take my emotions away. I am not sure if I should even try to be sneaky. Maybe I can try and figure out how to cut after I tell them. Then I know I will get release if I push through the conversation. I can't help but think I am so messed up. I need to think about cutting to get through a conversation.

I am interrupted by my thoughts when I hear Stef say, "Alright Sweets it is time to get out. You have been in there too long."

"Fine," I say grumpily. "I have to rinse off." Really I just want to push Stef a little. I don't know why I want to challenge her so bad. But something inside me just feels the desire to see how far she will go before she doesn't want me here.

I turn the water off and put my head through the shower curtain. I come to see Stef's smiling face. She hands me my towel. I look at her irritated.

"Can you get out please?" I say grumbling

"Yes I will leave."

"Can you shut the door?" I say angrily.

"Callie, seriously? You already know I am not going to shut the door. So why even ask? The answer is no. Shut this door and you won't get privacy even when you are changing. I am not messing around. Now please change so we can talk." Stef winks at me and walks out.

I quickly change and start to look around. I wonder if there is anything sharp hidden in here. I quietly open a drawer and see a bunch of makeup. I close it a little more loudly then I hoped. I don't hear anything so I move to the draw below. There is a bunch of random stuff. I start digging through it.

"Looking for something?" I hear Stef say.

"Shit!" I jump and close the drawer. "You scared me."

"Callie Quinn Adams Foster, you have been swearing too much in the last few days. The next time I hear a swear word come out of your mouth I will be adding on a day to your grounding. Got it?" Lena says. I have never seen her get so angry.

"It's Callie Quinn Jacobs actually." I remind her.

"Really?" Stef says annoyed. "Well it will be changing soon, so she was practicing. What were you looking for Callie?" Shoot. I start thinking quickly for anything that would make sense.

"Uhm… Q-tips!" I say a little loudly.

"Q-tips?" Lena says knowing that is not what I was looking for.

"Yes." I say smiling. "Those are soft, don't worry. I really don't think I could draw blood even if I pressed really hard. I might be able to if I can prevent them from bending but I doubt it considering that I would have to push extremely hard and I don't think I am that strong." I look up and see anger on both their faces. I guess I shouldn't have said that. Stef takes a step towards me and I take a step back. She moves her arm to reach for me but I cower down to my knees and put my hands up over my head. In my head I know Stef was trying to comfort me but my emotions are so screwed up that I am naturally used to cowering when I make someone angry.

I feel gentle hands touch my arms and slowly remove them from my position. I look up and see Lena very carefully pull me up to my feet. She looks at me carefully. She drops my hands and steps closer. I step back. Suddenly I am not here. I am at an old foster home. I keep getting confused. I keep remembering things I forgot the more I dig up my past and the feelings I have with those emotions are affecting me. I am picturing an angry look on one of my foster fathers face as he comes towards me ready to hit me. I can feel how scared I was in that moment and it is flowing through my body.

"Callie?" I look over to Lena and Stef.

"Callie sweets are you okay?" I look to Lena. I realized I am all the way on the other end of the bathroom pressed against the wall.

"I am sorry." I watch them carefully make their way over to me. I let them hug me. I pull away from them. I grab their hands and walk them to their bed.

"Sit please." They look at me, then each other and slowly sit on the end of the bed. I stay standing in front of them.

"The more I open up, the more stuff I remember. In the bathroom I remembered and encounter with an old foster father and remembered how I felt in that moment. I need to tell you guys something." I search their eyes.

"You can tell us anything Callie, right Stef?"

"Yes love. We are listening." Stef answers.

"I have yet to be in a foster home where I haven't been abused in some way. Whether it was physical or emotional. Each one was terrible until this one. When we were in the bathroom, I remembered something from my past that caused me to feel what I felt in that moment. Does that make sense?"

"Yes," Stef said, "So even though you know we aren't going to hurt you, you were still feeling the emotions from that past that caused you to think you were in danger?"

"Exactly. I am sorry I am such a mess." I am trying not to cry so I bite my lip.

"It is okay sweetheart. You are not a mess, just hurting." Lena begins to stand up. I put my hand up.

"Please no, whenever you guys touch me I completely break down. I will cry. I need to talk before I lose courage. I am not trying to push you away I just want to say this before I can't do it anymore. Ok?" I watch them both nod. "Now I need to tell you about Liam."


	9. Chapter 9

** So I am going to put some of the events from the show into the story. I am going to try my best to make it in order but some of the things will be a little different in the way they happen and the order they do. So just a heads up. Thanks for the reviews! Keep telling me what you think! It helps!**

** "**Who is Liam Sweetheart?" Lena asks carefully. I look up at her, then over to Stef. I can tell they are getting anxious. I can't even imagine the terrified look on my face but I can't hide it. If I hide and mask my emotions I might not get the story out. If I don't get the story out before the adoption I am going to regret it.

"Liam was an old foster brother. I lived with their family for a little while. The Olmstead family was actually one of the better places we lived in. Liam made it a good place when we first got there. He gave Jude and I lots of attention and went out of his way to make us feel special. I hadn't had someone care for me or give me that type of affection in so long that I soaked it up and allowed him to get close to us. His gestures were small and gradual. Make sure we got our favorite snacks, compliment me, and he was very touchy. As you have figured out touch is my love language. It is something that I naturally crave. I didn't think anything about his hugs, or hand squeezes. I just was so desperate to feel loved from someone that I didn't notice his gestures getting bigger."

I look to Lena and see her hold tighter to Stef's hand and the other on her side of the bed, her knuckles white. I am afraid to look into their eyes. "His squeezes moved to my leg, his hugs were longer, and he started kissing me on the cheek. He told me I was the best sister he ever had. I let it happen thinking it was normal. Eventually they got even bigger. His hands higher up my thigh, his kisses closer to my mouth. Until the first time he kissed me on the lips." I look down at my hands and they are shaking. I can't help but think that I wish there was a blade in them. I try to compose myself. I feel like I am about to be sick. I clutch my stomach and keep avoiding eye contact. They both look like they are about ready to pounce in case I get sick.

"Are you okay Sweets?" Stef whispers cautiously. They are being so careful to not make my walls go up that they don't speak in a normal voice. I force myself to relax and calm down. I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

"Yes, I have to keep going." I say confidentially. I open them up and stare at their feet. I want to see them. I know seeing them will help comfort me. I want them to hold me right now but I am afraid I will start crying so hard that I wont be able to get out the words I need. Even if I look into their eyes I will break down.

"When he kissed me there I pulled back and looked at him afraid. I know that you aren't allowed to have a relationship with any foster sibling so I started to panic. This was the first time I felt taken care of and safe since my own mother. I was afraid I would get removed from the house but also scared because I was so confused as to what he just did. Surely it wasn't okay for a brother to do that." I look at their hands clasped. Searching for courage. I force myself to think about their love. I am afraid they will blame me. Blame me for being so stupid and allowing myself to get close to him. I stare at their hands. I picture holding Lena's hand two nights ago. The first time I outwardly sought out comfort from just her. I think about when I was at the table last night and Stef held my hand to help me eat. They weren't just holding me physically, but emotionally as well. They were carrying me. Helping me emotionally because I can't do it on my own. I stare at their hands and picture them each holding one of mine. It gives me the courage to continue.

"He said that he was sorry he just feels close to me and loves me so much like a sister. It was unsettling but the way he would speak to me and compliment me and care for me I just let it happen thinking it was okay because he said so. He had a way with his words. He could get me to believe everything and anything. It continued for about a month. He snuck a few more kisses in. It got more and more bold. I didn't know what to do. If I told him to stop he would get very mad at me, sometimes even threaten Jude. I felt like I needed to make him happy and I did whatever he said. Anytime he was mean or rude he would quickly apologize and beg me to forgive him. I don't know how it worked but I did, I forgave him immediately." I look closer up to their eyes. Not staring directly in them, but at their faces. I move a little closer to them. I am dying for their comfort. I need them. I take another step. I slowly walk to them and put my hands on top of theirs. I kneel down in front of them. I keep my hand on their hands and stare at all of our complexions. They move a few fingers so they are on top of mine as well. It gives me another push.

I keep my eyes focused on our three-way hold. "One night, he came into my room. He didn't even say anything he just walked in." I feel a tear fall and Stef's finger moves back and forth on my hand. "He came in and laid down on the bed. He turned to face me and started kissing me. I told him to stop but he wouldn't." I feel more tears hit my cheeks. I look up a little. I need to say this to their faces. "I got up and went to turn the light on telling him he needs to leave. He got very angry and wouldn't. He threw me onto the bed and…." I stand up, look at Stef's eyes, she was crying. I look over to Lena who had just as many tears falling down her face.

"I tried to tell him to stop but he wouldn't." I am not sure why I picked Stef specifically but we have this very strong bond because of our closeness. I love Stef and Lena the same but there is something about Stef that makes me feel completely protected. I look into Stef's eyes and say, "He forced me to have sex with him." A sob escapes my mouth and I fall to the floor. I can't believe I just told them that. At least, it is out. I curl up into a ball; my face is hidden in my knees. I feel two sets of arms wrap me up and hold me. I just start to cry. I don't know what to think, feel, I just cry. I feel vulnerable, scared, sad, hurt, disgusting, loved, protected, and safe all at once. It is too much to handle. I just let my mom's hold me while I fall apart, hoping they didn't change their minds.

Stef's point of view:

I watch my daughter fall to the ground after she just told me she has been raped. Her sobs are so loud each time I hear one I swear it puts another crack in my heart. As soon as she hits the ground I run over to her and immediately wrap my arms around her. I want her to feel my love. I need her to feel my love. Lena is one second behind me. I don't think I have ever been so devastated in my life. My baby was robbed of her childhood. She has experienced more pain than anyone should have to in their lifetime. This was too much. That guy had better watch out because I am coming for him and he is not going to get away with it.

I am not sure at this point whether my tears are for anger or hurt. I think a mixture of both. I look to Lena who is sobbing too. I am trying so hard to not let one come out of my mouth but I don't think I can stop it. When your kid is hurt, it is the worst thing in the entire world. I would rather be hurt over and over again than having to witness my own child being hurt. The pain to watch my children suffer is unbearable. Callie was born for me and Lena and has this special place in my heart that only she can fill. I love all my children the same, but she is what I have been missing, she is the one person who I have been feeling lost without. She is my baby. My special Callie girl. This deep connection we have is so intense. I can literally feel all her pain. I feel so helpless. I don't know what to do. I squeeze tighter and can't help but let out a small sob.

Callie's Pint of View:

I have never heard Stef or Lena cry this hard in my entire life. I feel terrible for doing it to them and making them so sad. I just wanted them to know the truth. It also can't help but make me feel somewhat loved. They have to love me in order to be this upset. I let them hold me. I am still sobbing but I don't like my position. I am still curled into a ball as they have their arms wrapped around me and they each have buried their heads into one of my shoulders.

I am not sure how long it has been but it has been at least 20 minutes. I slowly lift my head and put my legs down. My legs were hurting all curled up but I didn't want them to let go. I crisscross my legs instead and put my face in my hands. We are all still crying but the noises have stopped. They never loosen their grip which is what I was hoping. I haven't opened my eyes. I am afraid to see my moms, see them so hurt and vulnerable. If there is one thing I cannot handle it is seeing the people I love most in pain and hearing Stef and Lena's sobs was enough to break my heart in half. I don't think I could handle their tear stained cheeks. I feel myself wanting to be closer. I want them to hold me. I don't even know who is on which side but I feel someone from the left pull me onto their lap. How did they know that is what I wanted? I lay there with my eyes closed for what I assume is about ten minutes.

I slowly remove my hands from my eyes and open them. I am in Lena's lap. I take my hand and burry it in her hair. Something about hiding into her hair always comforts me. There is so much of it and it is reassuring. It is soft and always smells like coconut. I slowly lift my head and see Stef's face so close to mine. She is resting her head on Lena. I look at her face swollen and red but she smiles at me. I grab her hands very quickly and squeeze them tight. There is a special bond between Stef and I. Lena can give me this extreme comfort and can always make me feel loved, but something about Stef and the way we understand each other frightens me. She has the ability to read me and understand my feelings because we are so alike. It terrifies me but it also excites me.

I have been staring into her eyes breathing deep for a while. I just can't look away. We are having a conversation through our eyes. I have never been able to do that with anyone other than Jude. I can feel Stef's soul piercing into mine. I can hear her saying I love you, I can see her eyes telling me that I am safe and I am hers. I can also see the sorrow. She is sorry for all that has happened to me and she wishes she could have stopped it. I never knew that I could hear so much just by looking at someone, but I know that's what she means. I am telling her that I love her too and that it's not her fault and I feel safe with her and Lena. She winks at me and I can't help but give a small smile.

"I love you Stef" I say still never looking away. I start to tear up again. "So much" I am rewarded with a beautiful love filled smile. She leans in and kisses my forehead a few times before resting her head against mine.

"I love you too baby she whispers. So much it hurts" Lena's grip is tightening and I know our exchange is touching her. I want to tell her I love her as well but I can't speak because I am so focused on Stef right now. I feel bad but I can't speak. A realization just hit me. I am finally letting them take some of my burden off of me. I am letting them carry some of my weight and I feel relieved. I feel like I am not in this alone right now and that feeling is absolutely amazing.

I get out of Lena's embrace and sand up carefully. Stef and Lena look up at me from the floor confused. I answer them before they can ask what I am doing.

"I can't cry anymore. I don't want to be sad anymore. I don't think I have ever felt so much hurt in such a short time and it is starting to overwhelm me. I could already go to sleep for the night and I have only been awake for a few hours. I am so tired, but I don't want to cry anymore." Stef and Lena give me sad smiles and stand up as well.

"We have to talk about this a little bit first okay Sweets? We just want to make sure you are okay." Stef says lovingly. "Why don't we go downstairs and sit on the couch and talk for a few minutes and then we can do something fun. Yes?"

"Okay." I say, knowing I don't have much of a choice. I follow Stef and Lena out the room and down the steps. We head into the living room and this time I take a seat in a chair while Stef and Lena sit on the couch together.

"The other kids will be here pretty soon so we don't have too much time but I just have a few questions Sweetheart. I just want to touch base and make sure everything is okay. Is that alright?" Lena says sweetly.

"Yeah." I say. I am giving them one word answers but I really don't want to talk about this more than I have too.

"My first question is why did you want to tell us this before you got adopted?" Lena asks.

"Well, I didn't want you to think I was not a safe person to be in the house because my relationship with my Foster brother was sexual. I know it was wrong to do and I didn't want you to be disgusted with me for any of it. I was afraid once you knew you would regret choosing to keep me."

"Sweets," Stef said almost gasping, "Do you think this is your fault?" My eyes widen as Stef rushes up from the couch and cups my face in her hands.

"I shouldn't have been so desperate to feel apart of something. I should have saw it coming. The more he touched me I should have pulled away. I was so desperate to need to feel loved. I should have been able to stop it." I can't help the fact that my voice is cracking and my eyes are beginning to water.

"Oh my love, this is not your fault baby. Not at all. You were innocent. You didn't know that he was going to force himself on you. No matter what, even if two people are in a romantic relationship if someone says no you listen. He wasn't even a romantic relationship he was your foster brother. He shouldn't have even tried to do that with you. The fact that you said no and he did it anyways means it was rape. You can't blame yourself baby. He didn't listen to you. This is not your fault do you understand me?" I pull my hands out of Stef's face. I can't handle this right now.

"I shouldn't have let myself get attached. I told you that was my rule I should have stopped him from touching me. I shouldn't have been so easily affected by his attention."

"Sweetheart," Lena starts as she walks over to sit next to Stef in front of me. "You haven't felt safe and loved since you were a young girl. You were fourteen when Liam did this to you. You had no clue what his intentions were. No one expects you to have seen them either. You just wanted love and he was giving you that. It is natural to want that. It is not your fault. You said no, and he should have stopped baby. You trusted him, he is at fault. He is in the wrong."

"Baby how old was Liam?" Stef says curiously.

"Nineteen" I mumble.

"What was that?" Stef says anxiously. I can see her starting to get angry. I stare at her afraid of what she may do with this information. "Callie love, you need to tell me how old he was." I stare at her some more.

"Is it even important?" I say, knowing that it is.

"Yes Callie. It is important. You need to answer this question for me please." Her voice is becoming more demanding.

"Nineteen." I say looking over to Lena. I am afraid and I think she senses this. I see Lena look over to Stef who seems like she is going to burst any second. I see Lena gently place her hands on Stef's shoulder. Stef relaxes a tiny bit but I can still see the fire in her eyes.

"Sorry, I say quietly.

"What on earth are you sorry for?!" Stef practically yells.

"Stef honey" Lena says as I am beginning to get worked up by Stef's emotions.

"I just know you are upset. I mean look at you. I am sorry that all of this is causing you to be hurt and angry. I am not trying to make you feel those things. Now you are yelling at me!" I say clenching my fists. I feel Lena scoot closer towards the chairs. She takes my hands, slowly unclenches, my fists and holds them. She looks over at Stef waiting for her to speak.

"Callie, I am so sorry Sweets. I am not trying to yell at you, I am just angry honestly. Not at you, that this happened to you. Angry at Liam. I have never wanted to see justice served more badly in my entire life baby and it kills me. Mama and I are sad, because there is nothing more terrible than seeing one of your babies in pain. We know you can't help it. But we carry your problems as our own because we love you so much. It is apart of motherhood. Instead of worrying that we are crying and upset, let us cry with you. Let us hold you and carry you. We will get through this together. Don't apologize baby. Even though this is a terrible thing that happened TO you, we are so proud of you for sharing. So proud of you for opening up to us. We love you and love that you trust us. We are never going anywhere okay? We promise."

I nod. "Okay".

"Sweetheart," Lena says squeezing my hands again. "Do you see how this is Liam's fault?"

"I agree he should have stopped when I told him to. That part was on him. It shouldn't have happened because he should have stopped. But I can't help but blame myself for letting it get that far. For letting his touches get more bold, I should have ended it the first time I thought it didn't seem right. I shouldn't have listened to him when he said it was normal." Lena looks at me intently.

"That is good that you realize he should have stopped when you said no, that the fact he did it anyways was out of your control. But baby you were fourteen and craving love. You were still a child and you still are honey. He was the adult. You emotionally crave affection and love more because you were so young. No one was there to teach you boundaries, no one was there to show you what true love and trust is. You can't blame yourself for that. I know it is hard to just flip a switch and try to change the way you think, but we will work on it okay? Because I promise you baby that wasn't your fault and you can't blame yourself for any of it. You were misguided." I just nod. I trust them. I do. I still think I could have prevented it, but I just trust Lena's words because I need the hope.

"Alright Sweets well I am going to have to report this. I know it will be hard but incase there are other girls living at the Olmstead's we need to tell them the truth. We want to avoid this happening to anyone else, yes?"

"Yes but I doubt they will believe me Stef, I am not sure I could handle people not believing me. I don't have the best record. I am just a troubled foster child it is my word against him and it is two years later."

"Well, we believe you. If nothing else then at least we can make sure no girls get back into that house. You can also decide if you want to take this to court. I want you to think about what is best for you okay? But we do need to report it. A report will be enough to make sure that no other girl will be in that house."

"Okay," I don't really want them to report it but if I can prevent someone else from being put in the Olmstead's house, then I need to. I look over to the clock and it is about time for everyone else to come home. Honestly I miss them. I miss Mari and Jude especially. I want to tell Mariana everything. I want to tell her about Liam. I love the mom's but I want the friendship I have with Mari. I want her support and for her to be able to help me when I need alone time. I know she would understand.

"Well, your siblings should be here shortly. Why don't we watch some TV until they get here." Stef smiles.

"Okay" I say again. I am kind of shutting down right now. I know they will be worried but I have been so open, I need some time to myself. I wonder if I can go outside alone.

"Can I go sit outback?" I say hopefully

"With one of us you can" Lena says

"Seriously?" I just want to sit there alone.

"I am sorry Sweets but we just want to make sure you are okay. You were very vulnerable with us and must be feeling a lot. We want to keep you safe." Stef is trying to calm me down because I am starting to get angry. I am about to start arguing when I hear the front door open. Thank God.

Everyone walks into the living room and starts talking about the movie they just went to. I stand up and go sit next to Mari. Everyone has slowly gotten quiet and is tuned into the TV. Every time I move Stef and Lena notice. I need to talk to Mari. I lean in very close and whisper to her.

"I need to talk to you alone, but I am on mom arrest. You have to help me get them to let us talk. It is super important." I whisper very quietly. I can feel Stef's eyes on me. I know she can reads lips too so I purposefully turned my head completely away from her. I watch Mari look up to me and nod.

"I will figure it out. We just need to wait a little bit so it is not too obvious" she whispers. I am pleased with this. We watch another show for about 30 minutes until it ends.

"Callie and I are going to go sit outside on the swing together so I can tell her all about this movie. Come on Cal's." She grabs my arm and starts running for the back door. I know I am supposed to be with either Stef or Lena at all times but I let Mariana drag me out before they say anything. We get to the porch and she sits me down on the swing. I look over to the kitchen and both Stef and Lena are staring out the window.

"They are going to be mad at me. I am supposed to be with one of them at all times." I say nervously.

"They are right there. We are fine. They aren't even trying to hide the fact that they are watching us though. They must really want to keep an eye on you."

"Yeah, they are really worried about me. I had to tell them some stuff that happened to me and it is making me really vulnerable. My emotions are going everywhere. I feel overwhelmed. I need some air. I love them more than anything in this world but I just need a break from them. I know they probably wont let this happen again for a while."

"Which is why we should make the best of it. How did it go today?"

"It went well. I had to tell them something before they adopted us. I wanted them to know."

"Just to make sure they truly wanted you even with everything you went through?" Mari says understanding.

"Exactly! I want them to know all of me. I wanted to make sure their love was real. That they take me in truly loving me for me and everything that I am."

"I completely understand. I am proud of you because I know that it is hard to talk and let people in, especially for you. I was lucky to find Stef and Lena early on when I was still little. I have less of a past before them and it was easier for my walls to break down because I was so much younger. Although, I still understand a lot about living with your non biological parents."

"I know you do Mari, I think the fact that we both understand that made it easy for us to connect so well. I am thankful for you."

"I am thankful for you too Cal's. I will do my best to try and give you breaks from them when you need it alright?"

"Thanks. Uhm, I want to tell you some stuff. I was hurt Mari, very badly in more than one way. I am pretty screwed up emotionally. I have so many feelings and no one has helped me process them. You might see me completely breakdown. I am trying to deal with what happened to me and I am trying to figure out how to cope with the feelings I have but it is going to be a rocky road."

"I am sorry you were hurt. I know I don't know specifics but I am always here for you. Whatever you need let me know okay?"

"Thank you so much, you are a life saver."

"I have to say one thing though, if I am extremely worried about your safety I have to tell Mom's okay? I don't want to betray your trust but I don't want to lose you either." I begin to get frustrated with her but then I think about if this was reversed. If Mari had me extremely worried I would go to Mom's too. I would want to make sure that she was safe and taken care of. I wouldn't risk it either.

"I actually understand because if roles were reversed I would say the same thing." She gives me a smile. I hear the back door open and out comes Stef.

"Miss Thing can you give Callie and I a minute please?" Stef says sitting next to me.

"Sure mom, I will be inside if you need me Cal's."

"Thanks," I mumble. I watch Mari walk inside. Once the door is shut Stef adjusts so she is staring right at me.

"You know that you are supposed to be with Lena or I at all times, yes?" I want to argue this and say it is ridiculous but I already know they wont change their minds so I decide to challenge.

"Yes" I say confidently. I think this takes Stef off guard. I am not arguing and I know I broke the rules. I don't seem sorry either and I think that is what is getting to her.

"Then why did you do it?" She says curiously.

"Mariana dragged me out here. I just followed, honestly I was surprised you both stayed inside."

"Alright, don't do that again okay?"

"Yup" I exaggerate the "P" so it makes a popping noise. My tone was full of attitude too and my eyes grew wide while I roll them. I can tell me one worded answers drive her crazy. I need to remember this.

"Do you want to stay out here?" She says nicely. I guess she gave up on this conversation trying to ignore my pushes.

"I actually have to go to the bathroom. Wait is that allowed? Can I close the door this time or will you be in there with me because that could get awkward." I see her start to get angry.

"Callie, why are you pushing me." I am just going to play dumb and see where this goes.

"I am not. Just curious about the rules." She narrows her eyes. I think she knows I am trying to get a reaction out of her.

"Fine, you may go to the bathroom. Door closed, but not locked. Okay Sweets?" Well played Stef. I know she is getting irritated but she is trying to stay calm. She is smart and knows what I am doing and I know that she is extremely stubborn just like me. I want to see how far I can push, how angry I can be before they crack. I am also confused about how I feel and can't really explain all this anger and stubbornness coming out. I can't stop it. It is growing. I know that Stef wont answer with just the two of us. I need to do something drastic. I need to involve Lena. I get an evil smirk on my face and stand up. She stands up too and eyes me, daring me to talk back. I look her up and down and walk into the kitchen to see a waiting Lena. Now or never, lets see how far this can go.


	10. Chapter 10

**This is a little bit of a filler chapter while I explore Callie's thoughts and feelings on the love her Mom's are showing her. Keep letting me know what you all think or if you have suggestions. It helps!**

As soon as I got into the kitchen I slammed the door shut. I knew Stef was behind me. I know she is going to be angry I mean I practically slammed the door in her face. I get next to Lena and see she is cutting up broccoli. Where did she get that knife? She is looking at me with wide eyes at what I have just done. I drop her disapproving gaze when we hear the door burst open and slam back shut. It causes us both to jump extremely high. I turn towards Stef and her eyes are flaring with anger. I suddenly feel terrified.

"Did you seriously just slam the door in my face?" She is not yelling but her voice is coated with pure anger and shock which I am pretty sure is worse than when she yells. Her jaw is locked and her body is tense. I never think she will hit me but the look on her face is enough to make me almost regret what I just did, but I decide to stay strong.

"Yes, I did." Did I just say that? I should have said it was the wind. I watch her fists curl up into a ball.

"Stef honey, just relax", Lena is trying to prevent Stef from exploding. I know she is close. I didn't think of the door until I opened it and I thought it would be enough to get her to blow up but she is still pretty in control right now. Dang she is good. I am pretty sure Stef is frozen in shock and is trying to compose herself because she hasn't moved for about three minutes. I see Lena debating if she should do something or not. I guess she decides she better back Stef up.

"Callie, that was extremely disrespectful and I am very disappointed in what you just did. You are definitely going to be getting more time for your grounding. You owe your mom a serious apology. Stef is the mother and that was completely out of line. We do not tolerate that kind of behavior." I look at her in shock of how intense her voice was. This was not the plan. Stef is supposed to be yelling at me. Lena's disapproving eyes and tone of voice are killing me. I have an idea.

I walk over to Stef and look at her. I keep a pretty good distance between us and say, "I am sorry Stefanie that I slammed the door in your face," Oh god did I just call my mother by her full name? "You can send me to my room if you want. I'll go there for you, by MYSELF. Oh by the way Lena, where did you get that knife? I was looking for them last night." That was too much. Oh Gosh. I wasn't even thinking before the words flew out of my mouth.

I don't look up I just hear a fist hit the counter. Well Stef cracked.

"Callie Quinn Adams Foster go to our room NOW!" Stef is looking at me so angrily. I start taking steps back. "I will not tolerate your disrespect. I will not tolerate you using your hardships as ammo to get a reaction out of me. Are you happy I reacted? You are grounded now for another week and you are not getting out of my sight after that comment. And as for slamming the door in my face, welcome to extreme grounding Callie because that is what you got. Come with me." She starts walking up the stairs and I go over to Lena.

"I want Lena" I say firmly. I know it is mean to pick sides but I want Lena right now.

"Callie, I advice you listen to your mother. You are getting in deeper." I listen to Lena's warning.

"I want you Lena." I look up at her with pleading eyes. I can see her starting to feel bad. For a brief moment I want to call her Mama. Partially because it would be rubbing it in to Stef but also because I mean it. I want them to know I see them as my Mom's but I figure now is not the time because it shouldn't be done in negativity.

"Honestly, I don't care what you want right now. You are trying to push Lena and I against each other and that is NOT okay. Lena and I are always on the same side, so that direction will take you nowhere. You obviously need some time with me because you are not treating me properly. I know what you are doing Callie. You are hurting and you want to get a reaction out of me. You want to see how far you can push me or Lena before we will give up on you. That will never happen. It will just lead to MORE time spent with me because you will be in trouble. If you come with me now I will give you a chance to explain yourself, if you push this more I will send you straight to bed for the night." I weigh my options. I look to Lena who gives me a nod to follow Stef. I sigh heavily and follow her up the steps.

We get into the room and she closes the door. I cross my arms and lean against the wall.

"What do you want from me Stef?" I eye her sternly.

"What do you want from ME Callie? What is going on in your head? Are you afraid we will not want you if you are grumpy and disrespectful? Are you angry we grounded you or just angry in general and not sure where to direct it? What makes you only push me and not Lena? What, why are you doing this? I know you wanted me to react strongly. Did you want to see what I would do? I would never hurt you, you know. I am giving you a chance to speak before I talk and it would be in your favor to speak first." She watches me carefully and goes to sit on her bed. "Will you come sit with me please?" I go sit on the bed. Hey, may as well.

"Will you please explain?"

"I don't know Stef, I just was angry. I am angry you pushed my walls down and that you and Lena are two of the people I love most on this planet. That wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to get two new parents" She smiles a little to herself. I know she thinks I didn't see it because I am looking down but I did.

"Baby do you feel like you need to forcefully push us away every time you let us in as punishment?" Stef asks the wheels in her head starting to turn.

"Yes, because I shouldn't be. Whether you chose to leave me or not Stef people leave. My mom may have made a stupid decision to get into the car with a drunk driver but she didn't think she would die. Stuff happens Stef. Even if I trust you won't get rid of me things happen. I can't lose more people. It completely destroyed me. I can not afford that chance because honestly, I don't think I would make it." I look down to the ground. It frightens me to think if anything would happen to Stef or Lena what I would do. The pain would be unbearable. "I can never stop wanting to be your and Lena's daughter, I am too much sucked in. Every time I let a wall down I feel like five more come back up whether it is intentional or not. I get discouraged with myself for putting them back up which makes me angry. I get discouraged that you both made it through my walls because the more I let you in the closer I get to you and the more afraid I get to lose you. I just get so frustrated and confused. I want to let you in completely and love you both as much as I can and at the same time I am terrified and I want to run away and never come back. I can't handle my emotions and then I push. I don't even know why I am saying all of this right now either. I don't understand anything. I mean look at me now all my walls are back down and were just up two minutes ago. Inside I am screaming to stop and to not let you know this but I love you and don't want you to change your mind before Monday." What am I doing? I look down avoiding Stef's gaze. I am so helpless but they need to know what they are getting.

"Sweets can you look at me?" I look up at Stef. "We will always want you. You could slam ten doors in my face daily and my love for you would never dwindle. I mean don't go getting any ideas because I was really mad that you did that but my love doesn't change. You are my daughter. Honestly Callie I feel like I have been searching for you my entire life." I look up at her with a raised eyebrow. "I love all of my children the same but there is this connection I feel with you that overwhelms me. We are the same person. I understand you completely. I feel this unbreakable bond with you. I feel that with all my children but I am not sure, there is something special about the one between us. It is very unique and strong that it honestly scares ME sometimes. But I wouldn't change it baby because you were meant for Lena and I." I start to tear up a little. I move near her and she wraps her arms around me.

"Stef?" I say whispering.

"Yes my love?" she whispers back.

"Never leave me okay?" I watch her pull away and cup my face.

"Not even death can part us my Callie girl. I will never intentionally leave you but if something were to happen our bond would still stay strong. But I PROMISE to never chose to leave you." With that simple statement I feel the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. I stand up and look at Stef.

"Uhm, I am sorry I slammed the door in your face." I put my face in my hands. "Oh gosh that was so rude I can't believe I did that!" I raised my voice.

Stef laughed a little bit and said, "Me neither honestly. I almost broke the door down I will be honest. I know you are still sorry love but you will be punished for that. Let's never do that again, yes?"

"Yes!" The shock in me realizing I just slammed a door in my mothers face. "I can't believe I slammed a door in my Mom's face." I freeze when I realize that is the first time I have referred them to my mom in person. I look up to Stef who is looking at me with adoration and I think slight tears in her eyes. I called her my Mom to her face. It begins to scare me how good it feels to hear that word from my mouth. Especially when it is directed towards Stef or Lena. "Uhm, in YOUR face. Sorry." She smiles at me. She is trying to debate whether to comment or just leave it alone.

She walks over and kisses me repeatedly causing me to laugh. "I am your mom my sweet Callie girl. Let's go see Mama, yes?"

"Yes," I smile. Stef holds her hand out for me and I take it smiling. We walk the entire way to the kitchen and walk over to Lena. I try to let go of Stef's hand but she doesn't let me. Lena turns around when she hears us and smiles.

"Made up I see?" Lena looks at us smiling at our tangled hands. I pull away again and practically run to Lena. I wrap my arms around her tight and just hold on. I don't want to let go. I just want her to hold me.

"You okay baby?" She asks while I hold onto her tightly. I just shrug and bury myself further in her arms.

"I just don't want you to let go," I whisper.

"What honey?" Lena says. She tries to pull me back but I hold on tighter. I adjust my head so I am not buried into her shoulder and not making muffled sounds.

"I don't want you to let go." I see Stef give me a sad smile and blow me a kiss.

"Never, baby." I feel Lena guiding us backwards never letting go and we end up in the kitchen nook. She pulls me down with her and I readjust so I am practically on top of her but still am sitting by myself. I lay my head on her chest and listen to her heart beat. I absorb Lena in completely allowing her to comfort me. I memorize her scent and softness of her skin. The sound of her breathing paired with her heart that soothes me completely. I want to remember this. I never expected my mom to leave, I need to make the most with the two Mom's I have gained and hope that that they stay in my life for a very long time.

Stef must have left the room because I look up and it is just Lena and I.

"I know that you don't want me to let go sweetheart but in about fifteen minutes I need to check dinner okay? If I don't it will burn."

I sigh, I would stay like this forever. "Okay." I say grumpily. I feel Lena shake as she chuckles softly. Fifteen minutes later a loud beeping noise went off. Lena stands up and I follow her. She takes out something from the oven and smiles that I am closely behind. I feel like a little kid following around their mother but I just want to be with her. She keeps me grounded. She starts grating some cheese and at the same time is trying to make something on the stove.

"Want me to do that for you?" I ask as she starts grating again. She looks at me nervously not sure whether to give me something that is sharp.

"I am not going to grate my arm off Lena." She looks at me and nods handing me the cheese grater as I set to work. I am doing this on the counter by the sink and I see a small knife in it. My heart begins to race a little faster. I look over and Lena's back is to mine, she is hunched over the stove stirring some sauce. I start shaking but pull that aside and grab the small knife carefully putting it into my pocket. I turn back around and she is still working on the sauce. I sigh in relief and continue grating. Lena walks over to the sink and places something else in it. I start panicking but remind myself to stay calm. She sets it in the sink and stares for a second and before her thoughts travel too far I interrupt them.

"All done Lena." I smile sweetly. She returns it and kisses my cheek. She takes the cheese and sprinkles it on top of the broccoli she had taken out of the oven.

"Thanks baby." She smiles.

"Uhm, I am going to go see where Stef is okay?" She gives me a look as if I am lying. "Honestly, I promise."

"Alright, go on but you better be telling me the truth."

"Yes Ma'am" I say walking out of the kitchen. I decide to be brave and take my chances for some alone time. I very quietly creep up the stairs trying not to make a noise. I get to the top steps and breathe deeply. I weigh my options. Go in my room hide the knife, go into the bathroom and cut, or go into Stef and Lena's room and sneak a look at my phone. I bet Wyatt thinks I am ignoring him. I decide to check my phone real quick and then I'll go into the bathroom and cut. I creep into Stef and Lena's room and start looking for where they put it.  
**  
Stef's point of view:**

I am trying to give the other kids some attention. I know they must feel distant from us. Especially Jude, he has no clue what is going on and I know he is worried about his sister. He is tucked into my side tightly and I can't help but smile. I love this little guy so much. I think back to our conversation when I first got in here. Jude started asking me tons of questions. Mariana helped me out and I can't help but wonder what Callie told her. I guess I will have to ask Callie. I basically told them Callie was going through some things and needs a lot of support right now. I told them that she will be sticking very closely to Lena and I for a while and to just treat her the same and try to put an extra smile on her face. I was surprised that they all just accepted my request. Even Jude seemed fine with it. He just accepted my words and trusted us. I guess I forget Jude relied on Callie his entire life so it isn't as hard for him to trust people.

Everyone has been sucked back into the television. I realize we have been allowing our kids to watch too much TV lately. I feel kind of guilty it just is an easy distraction. They didn't even hear the yelling and door slams in the kitchen earlier because they were so focused on the screen. I decide tomorrow will be an outside day.

"I am going to go check on dinner guys. I'll be right back." I walk into the kitchen and immediately start looking around for Callie. I feel myself begin to panic.

"Where is Callie?" I almost scream.

"I thought she was with you?" Lena says panicking.

"No, I thought she was with you." All of a sudden I hear a small thud and run faster than I think I have in my entire life up the stairs to try and find my daughter.  
**  
Callie's Point of View:  
**  
Well I found my phone but I dropped it on the floor, great. I hear footsteps running and start to panic. I get scared so I through my phone back in Lena's nightstand and hide in their closet. I bury myself under a pile of clothes so I can't be seen. I hear them in their room now.

"Callie! I swear if you don't come out right now, you will be grounded forever." I hear Stef say. I start panicking. I stay hidden though.

I hear them open the closet and feel someone push back the clothes hanging. They shut the door again and go into the next room. I hear them in Brandon's room right next to me so I practically tip toe run downstairs and fly onto the couch next to Brandon. Jesus Mariana and Jude are on the other couch together.

"Uh where have you been?" Brandon asks.

"In the bathroom." I say confidently.

"You came from the stairs." Jesus says confused.

"You guys know how sometimes you have that unspoken sibling code where you stick up for each other so you don't get grounded for life?" I watch them all smirk and nod. "Well this is one of those occasions, I beg you." I can hear loud voices and banging upstairs. We wait about five minutes. I wonder if I should do something but you can't actually hear what they are saying so if I was down here the entire time I shouldn't know that they are looking for me. Although I am supposed to be with them at all times. I am screwed.

Frantic feet come rushing down the steps and I look up to see Stef and Lena stop, looking directly at me.

"Where have you been?!" I think everyone is surprised that Lena was the one who screamed this. Even Stef looked at her a little surprised.

"I was in here." I say calmly.

"No you weren't I was." Stef said. "Where were you when Mama said she thought I was with you?" I can't tell if they are angry, worried, or relieved.

"I went to the bathroom before I came to find you." I said hopefully.

"Yes, but you promised me you would go find Mom Callie, why didn't you go to her after you were in the bathroom."

"She came out right as Mom walked out of here Mama," I am surprised that this was Brandon. Everyone will believe Brandon he is the good kid. "We told her Mom would be right back when she asked where she was so she just sat down and waited for you to come back. You ran right past her when you went up the stairs. Is everything alright?" I can't help but feel loved and protected. It is like a sibling pact. We all have each others back. We shouldn't lie to our parents but we have to stick together sometimes and I would do the same for all of them. I take a peek at Jude expecting him to be angry but he smiles at me. I know the same thoughts about loving our siblings is going through his mind.

"Jude?" Lena asks having caught onto our interaction. It must look suspicious.

"Sorry, it is just people don't usually care where we are this much. It is nice." Jude my little angel you. He just saved my butt.

I instantly see Stef and Lena turn from their panic state into their loving one. Jude has that affect on people. "Alright, well dinner will be ready shortly. That is if it is not ruined by now," Lena comments and walks off. You can tell by her attitude she doesn't want to fight about this right now. She knows something is off but is cooking and needs to make sure she doesn't burn the house down. I look up and see Stef eyeing me suspiciously. She is challenging me again, knowing I am lying. She walks over and sits next to me, staring the entire time. Can she see my hands shaking? She sits down next to me and I look away. She doesn't drop her gaze. She has to know I am lying. She scoots closer to me and her leg is touching mine. I feel the knife burning a hole in my pocket. What if she sees it? Her leg is so close to touching it. I carefully move my hands over the lump in my pocket and shift my leg away from her. She is still observing me and I feel her move closer again. What is she doing to me?

I look up and glare at her. She squints her eyes and raises an eyebrow. I hear a kitchen timer and I realize I am going to have to eat dinner soon. Do they realize how hard they are making this for me? I think of a way out of dinner but I know nothing will work completely. Whether I throw a fit I will just get grounded and forced to eat with one of them watching me the entire time. But you can't eat when you are sick. Maybe I could pull that off. I soften my eyes and think of a way to convince Stef I am sick. I keep my hands over my pocket and I lean up to kiss Stef's cheek. I need to butter her up. I have never kissed her before. She looks over smiling at me while I rest my head in the crook of her neck and whisper, "I don't feel well."

She looks at me carefully. "What is wrong bug?" She whispers back.

"It is my stomach it is really upset. I feel like I am going to throw up." I am still talking very quietly because I don't want everyone else to hear or conversation.

She looks curious, almost amused. Does she know what I am doing? "When did it start hurting?" What is most believable?

"It started this morning but I didn't say anything because I didn't want you guys hovering over me even more." Oops, there was a hint of attitude in that. I try to fix my mistake. "No offense, I really just didn't want to worry you is all because I have caused so much trouble lately." She is looking down at me with a look that says _I know you are full of it_. I need to keep pushing. I slowly throw my legs over her lap and wrap my arms around her.

I look up into her eyes force some water in them and say, "I really don't feel well," I sniffle and put my head in her chest. I feel her sigh and slowly bring me into her lap. She wraps her arms around me tightly and kisses my head. She puts her mouth directly on my ear, something she does to make sure no one else catches any words.

"You know what I think would make you feel better baby?" I shrug and let her continue. "Food." I stiffen. "Babe, I know what you are doing. You will be eating. I know it is hard but I will be there for you. Don't try to argue or result back to having a stomach ache because baby I can see right through you. You stiffened just when I said the word food. I know you love and I can tell when you are lying." I try to move out of her arms but she tightens them. "Please don't make a scene Callie. I know you are having a hard time but I just need to hold you. I need to hold my baby girl. I have a spot in my heart that is aching and you are the only one that can soothe it." Those words really touch me and I can't help but melt into her embrace. I lean back into her and allow her to hold me.

In about five minutes Lena comes into the room announcing dinner. She looks at me and smiles at the way Stef and I are sitting. Both Mom's always adore seeing the other one wrapped up with one of their children. It is honestly very sweet. Everyone stands up eagerly to the food and I make no attempt to move.

"Come on baby. Please stand up." I still don't move. Stef stands us both up and keeps my back into her chest. She practically pushes me into the kitchen. I get in there and Mariana is standing awkwardly not sure where she should sit. I look at her, then Stef, then Lena. Stef sits in Mariana's chair so she can be next to me again. Mariana makes her way over to Lena but before she can I grab her arm and whisper, "please sit next to Stef." She smiles and winks at me and goes over next to Stef and sits down. Stef looks at me oddly and I sit next to Lena and secretly grab her hand under the table. I look up at Stef and realize that the bond we have is part of my confusion. She can read me so well and she is the major result of my walls going up and down. When I am around her they just completely go banana's because I am not used to feeling so connected to someone. I sigh out loud not even caring if anyone hears it. Getting used to Stef and Lena's love is going to be a long road but it is worth it.

I am staring at the wall and feel Lena put a plate of food down in front of me. I look up at Stef and she is watching to see if I eat. I take my fork and begin to eat slowly. I am too tired to argue. I have the courage I need from Lena's hand wrapped around mine. I don't really know what to do but I can't fight anymore tonight. I avoid eye contact from everyone and slowly eat the food until my plate is completely empty.


	11. Chapter 11

** Your reviews encouraged me to write faster! Thanks so much you all are awesome. Let me know what you think. **

I know I should probably feel proud of myself for being able to eat an entire plate of food but for some reason I don't. I finished around the same time as everyone else. I ate slow but not too slow to be the last one. I didn't want to sit there awkwardly still eating while everyone else was done and just stared at me. I also didn't want to finish first because then people would try to make conversation with me and I would just be sitting there. It is so exhausting to always have to think about these things. I know the only way I was able to finish all my food is because Lena's hand is still grasped in mine. I don't even try to make conversation or eye contact. Everyone knows something is wrong so it is not like I have to pretend I am happy.

"Alright, Mom and I are on dishes tonight so kids you are excused." Lena says breaking my train of thought. For a second I forget that I am supposed to stay with them and start to stand up. I was so lost in thought that the events of today seemed like weeks ago and my mind honestly thought to follow Lena's orders. Lena pulls my hand back suddenly to sit down and I am honestly thankful. Stef's back was turned and I know she would have gotten upset that I tried to leave. I lean over and kiss Lena on the cheek. I don't look into her eyes but I know she is looking at me adoringly. I have never kissed her before.

Brandon was watching our interaction. Before he left the room he give me a comforting smile. Stef turns around and smiles at me. I can't help myself as a laugh escapes me. My family seriously smiles all the time. It actually warms my heart a little bit because they are all so kind and loving.

"What is so funny sweets?" Stef asks curiously. I kind of feel embarrassed I just randomly started to laugh. I don't want her to think I am making fun of them because I am not, I love their smiles. It wouldn't be the Adams Foster house without them.

"Oh nothing, I just thought of something." I realize it has been a while since I remember laughing last. Lena stands up and starts doing dishes while Stef puts food away. Even though it is not my night I still feel bad doing nothing and just sitting here. I decide that maybe I should help. I stand up and start putting away things from the table.

"You don't have to help you know?" Lena says softly.

"I know" I say smiling and continue to help. After about fifteen minutes the kitchen is spotless aside from the dishes Stef and Lena are drying and putting away. I kind of am just standing here in the middle of the room awkwardly because I don't know where to go. I start shuffling back and forth on my feet because I am really getting uncomfortable. I mean what am I supposed to do? I am not allowed to leave them. Their eyes are on me the entire time too which doesn't help me feel any better. I know they think I am going to sneak off again.

"Callie!" Mariana says running into the kitchen. "I almost forgot, our new episode of criminal minds is still recorded. We haven't watched it yet. Come on!" she says jumping up and down excited. I look over to Lena who had just put the last dish away. She looks to Stef and back to me.

"Uhm, why don't we all go watch it together." Stef says, with a specific tone indicating that it wasn't a suggestion. I look up to Mariana and roll my eyes. I hope Mom's didn't see that but honestly they are driving me crazy.

I just start to walk out of the room and I can feel Stef and Lena right behind me. I purposefully sit in a chair away from everyone else. I still have the knife in my pocket. I am surprised Stef hasn't even noticed it yet either. Mariana sits on another chair next to me while Stef and Lena snuggle up to each other on the couch. I am not sure where anyone else is, they must be upstairs.

I get lost into the show allowing myself to just forget what is going on in mine and focus on the characters. It is a nice little break. I can completely tune out of my emotions and feelings and get myself sucked into the TV. It is about twenty minutes in and a young girl is walking down a dark alley. Seriously, why do girls always do that in these type of shows? Obviously walking down a dark road where people can't see or hear you is a bad choice. I roll my eyes at this and I hear Mariana giggle. She was looking at me waiting for me to react to the stupidity of the characters actions. I always complain about this type of stuff.

As I am watching this girl who is about my age I can't help but see my resemblance. She has dark curly hair, brown eyes, and looks about my age. Most of all she looks broken. My heart rate begins to elevate as a man approaches her. She turns around and sees the man and starts to run. He quickly follows her and she ends up running to a dead end. She turns around and the man has a creepy smile on his face. I grab the couch and start to breathe a little faster. Is he going to rape her?

Stef must have caught on because she untangles herself from Lena.

"I think that we have had enough TV for one day," Stef says sternly. I hear Mariana groan.

"Come on Mom it is half way through, you can't be serious," as she turns back to the TV. I realize my position must look tense. I slowly make myself relax and pretend to not be bothered. The man is closer to the girl. He slowly approaches her and pushes his body against hers. They turn the camera away from the couple and you see their shadows indicating he was rapping her.

Stef realizes what is happening and runs to shut the TV off. I feel like I am going to throw up. I quickly dash out of the room and into the bathroom to get sick. I feel hands holding my hair back while I continue to throw up with tears pouring down my face. I stop getting sick and feel my hair being pulled into a ponytail. It is Lena. I can tell by her gentle touch and the way she handles my hair. She starts to rub my back and I quickly stand up and back away from her. It is odd to even me that I flinched away from her because I haven't done that in so long.

I look down at her on the floor. I see a flash of hurt that is quickly placed with concern. I feel guilty immediately and walk closer to her.

"I am sorry I just feel…" I stop. I don't know how to describe it. I feel vulnerable and exposed. I feel disgusted and can't help but replay what happened with Liam over and over again in my head.

"You feel what honey?" Lena says standing up.

"I just felt vulnerable and then when you touched me I felt myself go into protective mode. Which in that case means no physical contact. I am sorry."

"Babe, I understand completely I am sorry we weren't paying closer attention to what was happening on the TV." Lena says sadly.

"It's not your fault Lena. I really just want to brush my teeth and maybe shower. I feel gross because I got sick but also because of…that. Like I just need to clean myself up or something." I watch Lena's eyes sadden as she nods her head. All I can think about is the knife in my pocket and the strong desire I have to use it. I know the only space I will have to be alone is in the shower. At the same time I do feel gross for both those reasons. Whether I had the knife or not I would still want to clean myself up.

"Okay, let's go." I watch Lena as she reaches for a hug but then hesitates and stops. The emotions that overcome me when she stops her hug overwhelm me. It hurt that she stopped her hug. I know she is doing that out of respect but I never want her to think she can't hug me.

I recover form my emotions and practically run into her throwing my arms around her. I hold onto her tighter than I ever have before. Her arms wrap around my just as tight and I sigh in content. I feel myself completely melting into her body.

"Never think you can't hug me. I will always want hugs from you. I am so used to putting up walls that some times I flinch naturally. Push through that and ignore them because I can promise you I will always want you to hold me." I feel her tears hitting my back as she holds on tight and I know they are tears of love.

I pull back and hold her face in my hands. It is almost like we switched places for a second. Like I am the Mom and she is the daughter. I naturally protect and comfort those I love. I mean I acted like Jude's mom for so long that sometimes I instinctively protect people, even my own mothers.

I kiss her cheek and whisper, "I love you….Lena". I was so close to saying Mama. So close. I wonder if she would have cared. I want to so bad but I don't want to feel the rejection or for her to think it is weird. I hug her again and finally pull away.

"Can we please go upstairs now?" I ask her quietly.

"Yes my darling, lets go." She wraps her hand in mine and pulls me out of the bathroom.

Stef's Point of View:

I head towards the bathroom just in time to see Callie and Lena coming out. There is nothing I love more than seeing my wife interacting with our children. This must have been what Lena felt when she saw Callie and I walking into the kitchen with our hands clasped together. Nothing but pure love for my wife and daughter is filling my heart right now.

It breaks my heart when Callie looks up at me shyly. She must feel uncomfortable with everything that has happened. I walk over to her and kiss her cheek. I keep the contact to a minimum. I know that after working with rape victims on the force they can get very fearful at the slightest contact. I also know that Callie's love language is touch so I wanted to reassure her in some way. I could tell the first day Jude got here because she always had part of herself touching him. I just waited for the day when she allowed us to comfort her in that way and fulfill that need.

"We are just going to go upstairs so she can brush her teeth and shower," Lena said before kissing my cheek. I watch them walk towards the stairs. Callie takes the first step and she instantly puts her leg down and grasps a part of her leg right over her pocket. I move towards them and before I can ask what happened she starts talking.

"Sorry, I think I just had a muscle spasm or something. I put my leg up and something clenched in pain. It went away right after I put my leg down." I just nod as her and Lena start to make their way up. I notice how she puts her hand over her pocket. It is normal for people to hold a part of their leg when they feel their muscle clench but the way she has her hand on her leg is not to relieve pressure. It is more like she is trying to cover something.

My cop instincts are in full swing now as I pretend to look away and make it look like I am about to leave the room. She moves her hand from her pocket and I quickly look back up. I see something in it and my heart begins to race. I try to think what the best way to approach this is. I know it must be something sharp. I quickly follow them up the stairs and mentally prepare myself for the battle that is about to happen.

Callie's point of View:

I can't believe I almost let them find the knife in my pocket. I was surprised when I lifted my leg and I felt it stab into my thigh. It is not the fact that it hurt it was that it took me off guard. It definitely did hurt but I am used to that. Lena's kitchen knives are extremely sharp. Stef got a really nice set for Lena because she loves to cook. She even sharpens them every few days so they work perfectly. They come in all sizes, some very big and some small.

We get to the top of the stairs and I hear someone else coming up. I turn around and it is Stef. My heart beats a little faster. I give her a convincing smile and continue into the bedroom with Lena.

When we get in there I head straight for the bathroom. I open the top drawer and take out my toothbrush and toothpaste. They moved all of my stuff from the kids bathroom into their bathroom. I honestly am surprised that they haven't just moved my bed and dresser in here as well. Lena is resting on the doorframe watching me. I see Stef walk in and move next to Lena. They both have their arms crossed and are watching me carefully but I can see the difference in their eyes. Lena is calm and looking at me cautiously with concern and Stef is also cautious but something is off. I can tell something is bothering her by the way her eyes are looking at me. Almost like she is trying to read me and study my behaviors extensively.

I look away and put the toothpaste on my toothbrush and slowly begin to brush my teeth. Stef walks in and sits behind me on the tub and looks at Lena. Lena follows her because she knows Stef is about to say something serious to me. Even I can tell and I didn't look into Stef's eyes. It is pretty obvious by the fact that she blocked my way to the shower. I feel the knife in my pocket again and turn sideways so it is up against the sink. I can't have them seeing it, I am so close. I continue brushing my teeth avoiding eye contact with either of them. I spit out my toothpaste and hold the toothbrush in my hand. I turn around and stare at them.

"Could I please have some privacy so I can get in the shower please?" I say sweetly.

"Sure ho-" Lena begins but Stef cuts her off.

"Yes you may my love, but first I need you to give me what is in your pocket." I drop the toothbrush on the ground and stare at her in disbelief. How did she know?!  
"I am not sure what you are talking about Stef," I say nervously picking up my toothbrush from the ground.

"Baby, I know you have something sharp in your pocket. It wasn't a muscle cramp that hurt you. Something dug into your thigh and you plan to use against your skin in the shower. I don't want to fight with you. I love you very much and just want you safe. Please give me whatever is in there and I will let you get into the shower." My heart is basically pounding against my chest right now. It is so loud I feel like Stef and Lena can hear it. I glance towards Lena who is studying me carefully. She is completely composed. It amazes me how strong these two women truly are. I always thought Lena was so sensitive and wouldn't be able to handle this when it came to her own children but in reality when it comes to her kids she is a rock. They both are.

"Sweetheart please just give Mom what's in your pocket. This doesn't have to be hard." Lena says calmly.

I move a little towards the door. Stef inches forward.

"Don't even think about it Callie." Stef says in a very stern voice. I look over at her and before I change my mind I dash out of the bathroom. I get to their door and it is locked. The second it takes me to unlock the door Stef's arms wrap around my waist and pull me back. Dammit! Of course she locked the door. She knew I would try to run. Even though I am completely irritated and pissed off right now I can't help but feel wanted and cared for over the fact that Stef knew me well enough to lock the door. She has to pay attention to me to actually know that.

I start trying to pull out of Stef's grasps but she holds on tighter. I feel her reach for my pocket and I start using all of my strength. Unfortunately I am not strong enough. She reaches her hand in my pocket and throws the knife out. I watch Lena run to the knife and pick it up. She stares at it in disbelief. She must realize that is the same knife she used earlier to cut the broccoli for dinner. I stop fighting against Stef and throw myself out of her arms. Stef runs over to the door and just stands in front of it so I don't try to take off again.

"I am sorry I had to physically do that love but I couldn't let you run out of here with a knife in your pocket. All I want is you healthy and safe." I look over at her and just sigh.

"You ruined my chance." I say angrily glaring at her.

"Your chance?" Lena questions.

"Don't you get it!," I shout. I lower my voice afraid the other kids will here. "Cutting is all I have. It is the only think that takes the pain away. You ruined it and now I have nothing to make myself feel better." I just sit on the ground and stare at Stef.

"Honey," Lena starts, "there are other ways to release your hurt and anger that will make you feel better. Pain and cutting is not healthy. It may feel good temporarily but in the long run it does more damage than good." I look up to her knowing there is some truth in her statement but I am too angry to do the mature thing. I don't want to comply. I want to be angry.

"Whatever," I say rudely.

"Watch it love bug." Stef says sternly. She can handle kids being harsh to herself but when it comes to Lena she doesn't tolerate it. It is sweet honestly.

"Fine." I say grumpily at Stef. "Well then what CAN I do?" I look towards Lena. "Honestly, I am going crazy! I have been stuck in this house for two days without being able to cut which was my only way to cope. I mean honestly what did you expect an immediate recovery because you guys are here for me? No offense but I mean seriously I feel like I am about to burst. You took the one thing that prevents me from exploding away." If I wasn't so worried about the other kids hearing me I would have shouted that. I just coat my voice thick with anger so they get the message.

"Well, for starters just saying that helps." Lena says. "It may not give you the immediate relief you are looking for but keeping feelings pent up creates the desire to cut stronger. Keep talking to us and explaining how you feel. If you want to cut, tell us and we can talk through it. I know you are into photography. Maybe try drawing or painting to keep your hands busy. That way you are still using your hands but are not using them to cut. You can work out. It helps release endorphins and stress when you sweat which help calms your emotions. You know how you like to run when things get hard?" I roll my eyes and earn a glare from Stef. I sigh and slowly nod. "Maybe running with Mom like she does in the morning will relieve some of the desire to do that. You can run your heart out for an hour and then come home. Maybe that would help you. Your counselor will give you more ideas and you will work with her to discover which one will work best for you. We can try all these things together if you would like. We will think of something."

"I really doubt any of those will work Lena." I say glaring. "Why do you even care that I cut myself anyways. I am not going to die. I just want relief. Who cares if I have cuts on my arms it's not going to kill me."

"It can." Stef says sternly. "People accidentally cut too deep all the time. I have seen it. Or your emotional state could change drastically while you are cutting and your original intentions to just inflict pain could cause you to want to do more damage than you planned. Also, you could have the cuts get infected. It is not healthy for your emotions either because you think you deserve pain. You shouldn't inflict pain, to rid pain. You should use healthy things to stop pain, not more of it." I am impressed with Stef's insight. I thought Lena was the smart one about this stuff.

"Can you guys just please leave me alone?" I snap.

"No," Stef says harshly. "But you already knew that. You can get in the shower but I am going to sit in the bathroom with you. That is not up for discussion either so it would be in your best interest to just accept that." I don't even say anything I just sit here. I cross my legs and put my head in my hands with my elbows resting on my knees. I just stare at the wall and don't say anything.

"Well it is only seven o clock do you want to play a game or something if you don't feel like showering? Tomorrow I was thinking we could go to the beach or a park, anywhere outside." I try not to get excited when Stef says we get to go somewhere tomorrow. I am surprised because I am grounded but I think she realizes I need some fresh air or I am going to go crazy. I don't want her to think I have forgiven her yet so I just stare straight ahead at the wall.

"No?" Stef tries again. "Do you want to do anything or just sit there?" I keep staring at the wall. "Fine, well I guess that means I will have to sit down and stare at the wall too." Stef smirks. I have to fight the smile that is threatening to come on my face. Thankfully I succeed.  
I see Stef out of the corner of my eye come down and sit next to me. She gets in the exact same position and stares at the wall too. I have to fight off another smile.

"Well, I definitely could think of better ways to spend our time together but if you insist, then fine." I watch Lena come on the other side of me and get into the same exact position as Stef and I. They are really close to me but just far enough away that we aren't touching. This time I cannot help the smile on my face so I move my hand over my mouth and bring my head down slowly.

Stef and Lena look down at me and I know they can tell I am smiling. I hear shuffling and Stef and Lena stand up. I am looking down so I can't actually see them anymore. About ten seconds later I see two faces looking up at me. They both are laying down on their backs with their heads directly at my knees. They have really big smiles on their faces and just stare at me.

I can't help but laugh and try to stand up. They both quickly grab an arm and throw me down on top of them. It takes them a second but they spin me around so I am laying down just like them on my back but in-between the two of them.

"I think it is time for a Mama sandwich." I hear Lena declare. I decide I may as well play along and gasp. I get wide eyes and pretend to stand up but they quickly wrap their arms around me and each begin kissing my cheeks repeatedly. I can't help but laugh as they do this for quite a long time. Finally the stop and just hold onto me tight. We sit there in silence for a little bit and finally Lena speaks up.

"You know baby, I think your siblings want to spend some time with you." I just look at Lena. I am afraid for them to see me so vulnerable especially since I can never handle my emotions and I can never control how I feel. It does kill me though because I do miss them. Especially Jude. All I want is for him safely tucked in my arms laughing as I smother him in kisses. I realize he must be worried about me and feel weird not knowing what is going on completely. I also start to feel guilty with all of the time I have been taking up from Stef and Lena. They have other kids too. They need their Mom's too.

"I was thinking we could all play a game," Lena tries again. "We haven't had a family game night in forever."

"Aren't I grounded?" I smirk.

"Oh certainly but you can always have family time. Sometimes even the ones who are grounded need a little bit of fun." Stef says playfully.

"Alright, fine." I say needing to see my siblings. Stef and Lena stand up and I just stay there on the ground feeling really anxious all of a sudden. Why do I feel so nervous to play a game with my family? I know it is weird but I feel like they are going to be mad. I mean the last time I saw them all together I begged them to lie for me.

"Callie?" I hear Lena say. For some reason I feel a tear trickle down my face and I am not even sure why it is there. This is what I meant when I told Stef my emotions are screwed up. I am not sure why I am feeling so sad all of a sudden. Should I tell Stef and Lena I am scared they will be mad at me? Not that they lied for me because then we will all be in trouble. The last time I spoke to Jude alone he forced me to go tell Stef and Lena I cut myself. Then I asked him to lie for me. I was surprised he did honestly. I think the only reason he did was because he was thankful for our siblings in the moment and it felt good for people to have our backs. I just hope he doesn't crack. Not for my sake but for Brandon, Mariana, and Jesus because what they did was very sweet.

"Callie baby?" It was Stef this time. I turn my head and they are still standing looking at me extremely worried. I must have spaced out for quite a while. I am kind of grateful that they gave me time to think.

I stand up quickly and say, "sorry."

"Are you alright Sweets?" Stef says gently.

"Oh yeah I was just thinking." I say reassuringly.

"Want to share?" Leans says hopefully.

"Uhm, it's nothing. Truly we should go play I bet everyone else misses you guys. I have been with you a lot. Maybe only one of you should stay with me while the other goes and spends time with the other kids so they don't think I am getting more attention then them. I don't want them to be upset." I am honestly impressed with myself that I just voiced that concern. I mean seriously, that was a big step.

Lean walks closer to me and smiles. "I guarantee you they are not upset. They love you and miss you. All they want is some quality time with their sister. That is why I think it is a good idea that we all go do something fun together. Alright?"

"Alright," I agree. I am thankful for my long sleeve shirt I decided to wear earlier. I wouldn't have wanted them to see the bandage. Stef catches me looking at my arm and comes over to kiss it. Sometimes I think she is more affectionate than me.

"We will clean your arm after the game, yes?" I no I have no choice so I nod. I look into Stef's eyes and feel our connection again. I haven't let myself feel it in fear of my emotions going whack. I hadn't let myself look into her eyes for more than five seconds a time. I can't help myself as I get lost in Stef's eyes and physically shiver at the love that is pouring through them. Lena is just watching us in awe as Stef and I tell each other we love one another. I look away and kiss her cheek, then do the same to Lena.

"Let's go get everyone," I say and walk out of the room. One by one I get all my siblings, with Mom's directly behind me of course, and they all are eager to spend time with us. I can't help but feel loved and cared for. We all make it downstairs and go around the table waiting as Jude picks out a game for us to play.


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry it took so long it has been a crazy week! PLEASE let me know what you guys think, it helps. Give me your opinions. Also thank you for the reviews you are all awesome! I will update sooner next time I promise! **

We have been playing Monopoly for an hour. Stef and I are the most competitive. We decided to do teams since there are so many of us. Mariana and I are together, Jude and Lena, Jesus and Brandon, and Stef said she wanted to be alone. She is super competitive and likes to win. If she is by herself she can easily play dirty. Stef and I have been bantering about who is going to win the entire time. I have had to hold my tongue a few times so that I don't say anything that gets me in more trouble. I have a feeling this game is going to take more than one day. Stef won't let us quit until someone wins either. She will make us play until one person or team is left. It is hard because we all own some property but no one actually owns enough to build any hotels or houses.

Mariana and I are at one end with Jesus and Brandon to our right and Jude and Lena to our left. Stef is across from us on the other end. This is actually perfect because I am close to Mariana and can whisper to her without others hearing.

"Mom's grounded me for another week." I whisper to Mari annoyed.

"Why?!" She whispers loudly. This causes Stef and Lena to glance over at us. I smack Mariana under the table and smile innocently to Stef and Lena.

I wait for them to look away and then whisper, "I slammed a door in Stef's face." I can't help but realize how ridiculous that sounds after it leaves my mouth. I look over to Mariana who gasps loudly and puts her hand over her mouth. We now have everyone's attention at the table. I think Lena and Stef thinks something is wrong because they look worried. I turn to look at Mariana and she starts busting out laughing. She doesn't even try to hide her laughter.

"You are insane!" she whispers laughing again. I can't help but laugh along with her. I AM crazy. I almost wish I could have seen the entire scene play out. I feel like I would have gasped too if I watched myself slam a door in Stef's face. I definitely am the kid with the most guts because no one else would ever dare do that to either Mom. It is quiet except for our laughter and everyone is waiting for an explanation. I am not about to explain.

"Sorry," I say.

"What is so funny?" Lena asks amused.

"Inside joke. You wouldn't get it." Mariana adds quickly. I just nod along as everyone continues to stare at us. "So whose turn is it?" Mari adds again trying to get the attention off of us.

"Ours", says Jude referring to him and Lena.

"So how long now?" Mariana whispers again.

"Two weeks," I say annoyed.

"Hey peanut gallery!" Stef shouts playfully form the other end of the table. "Stop whispering and spend time with us." I can't help but give her a dirty look. I have a feeling my time to talk with Mariana, without other ears, is going to be very limited so any chance I have to talk with her I try.

"Well, if you would let us talk we wouldn't have to whisper," I mumble.

"Want to say that out loud Callie?" Stef says warning me to lose my attitude. I just sigh and pick up the dice. I am about to roll but I decide against it. It is my turn to roll but I let Mari do it instead. I decide I will let her do everything from now own. It will get under Stef's skin if I refuse to play. I smirk and look at Stef challenging her. Her eyes get serious as she squints at me. It is another warning. I lean back in my chair and let Mari go. I feel the urge to cut again. Sometimes the temptation hits me so randomly. I don't even know where it comes from.

"Should we buy this property?" Mari asks me. Stef has the other two that belong. I know she won't give them to us so it would probably be a waste of money but I don't want Stef to get it. She has been waiting to buy this piece of property the entire game. It would probably be a favor to everyone if we didn't buy it and waited for her to get it because then the game would actually end but I can't have Stef beating me.

I look at Stef and say, "We most DEFINITELY should," I laugh. Stef gives me an evil look and pouts.

"Sorry, not sorry." I say as I grab the property card. I kiss it and earn laughs from all my siblings while they look at a distraught Stef.

I need to go to the bathroom. I start to feel uneasy because every time I try to leave the room I get asked lots of question. I decide to bite the bullet.

"Uhm, I need to go to the bathroom. I will be right back." I stand up and walk quietly to the bathroom door. I feel a presence behind me. I figure it is Stef so I turn around ready to snap but it is Lena instead.

"Oh," I say softly.

"You thought I was Stef" Lena states confidently. I just shrug. "Baby?" I just look at Lena not sure what to say. "Why do you only push Mom and not me?" I smile at this. Is Lena jealous?

"You are too nice." I say cautiously. I don't really know how to say this to her. I mean obviously Stef is nice too. I just feel like Stef will understand more because we are so much alike. "Besides Stef would literally kill me if I tried to push you in that way. She makes it impossible. I guess I shouldn't be admitting to pushing you guys. I don't know Lena I can't help it my walls just come up. I think it is partially a defense mechanism but I don't want to hurt your feelings." I am not sure if that was the right thing to say or not. I am confused myself when I try to figure out why I only challenge Stef like that.

"I'll be waiting out here. Don't lock the door. You have five minutes, starting now." Lena says strongly. Is she mad at me?

Well I guess that conversation is over. I hurry in the bathroom. I finish with three minutes left and begin to dig around looking for something sharp. I have used one minute already just searching. Finally I look in a bag filled with nail polish and find a metal nail file. My heart starts pounding. I need to act now. I know I have to keep it stored in here because I can't risk bringing it out. Stef will surely find it.

I roll up my sleeve and look down at my arm. I can't decide if I should cut there or not. Maybe further up on my arm? I try and think about a spot people never see. My stomach seems like the best place. I don't wear bikini's because I am too self conscience so every article of clothing I own covers up my stomach. Perfect.

I have about one minute left. I quickly lift up my shirt and start to make one cut. It is not very sharp so I have to push very hard because it doesn't cut as easy. I let out a small whimper as I finally break skin. Shoot did Lena hear that?

I hear a knock and a frantic voice.

"Are you okay?" Lena says. I wasn't allowed to lock the door so if she opens it she will catch me.

"Yes sorry. I stood up too fast. I am fine but still indecent. I will be out in one second." It goes quiet on the other end. I know they cleaned out all the sharp objects, or so they thought, so she must feel as though she has nothing to worry about. I quickly make four more cuts and place the nail file safely away. I grab some toilet paper and clean the wounds and then flush the evidence down. I get some Band-Aids, put them on my stomach, and wash my hands. I take a deep breath and open the door.

Lena is about one inch away from the door. She just stares at me and studies me carefully. She looks into my eyes and it takes all of my strength to not show the fear I truly feel. My stomach hurts worse than when I cut on my arm. It took a lot more force to break skin and my stomach is throbbing. I return my confident gaze and clear my throat breaking eye contact.

"Can we go back now Lena?" I say sweetly.

"Sure baby, lets go." She moves out of the way and holds her arm out for me to pass. We walk back in and thankfully everyone is occupied by the game. I go to sit down and wince on my way down. I try to recover before anyone notices. Thankfully I succeed. I am going to have to remember to be careful when I move so I can cover up the pain.

We have been into the game for a complete hour now and I can tell everyone has lost interest, even Stef. This game is a dud because no one owns enough property to actually make any money. I am hoping we can just be done or else it would take literally a month for someone to go bankrupt.

"Mom, I am so done with this game." Jude says impatiently. Sometimes it is weird to me that Jude calls Stef and Lena that but I actually get it. I want to do the same sometimes. It is different for Jude too because he doesn't even remember our own mother that well. I am glad he has found people that want to play that motherly role for him. I have always done the best I can but I have not been able to be all that he needs. I am not even an adult yet.

I listen as everyone else agrees with them. I just stay quiet. I don't want to leave Mari and I know if we stop everyone will go off and do their own thing and I will have to stay with Mom's by myself.

I lean over to Mari and whisper, "Will you stay with me?"

She smiles at me and whispers, "Always."

I can't help but return her smile and rest my head on her shoulder. She leans her head on mine and we just stay like that. It is really cool to experience having a sister. I never thought I would have one and now I have a sister who is my best friend. I am so thankful for Mari. I am not sure what I would do without her.

We stay leaning on each other as I stare at the board game being cleaned up. I hear everyone talking and feel eyes on me but I just stare down at the table. I can't concentrate because I can only think about what I just did. I feel guilty but more worried. I have never felt this much pain from cutting before. It is like a burning, stinging, sensation that I can't explain. I wonder if Stef and Lena really meant it when they said they would be checking for new cuts? I start to panic at the thought of them finding my new cuts or of them taking the only sharp device I have access too away.

The board game is now cleaned up and I let myself listen to the conversation around me. Stef and Lena are the only ones left in the room, besides me and Mari. They are down at the other end talking to each other about plans for tomorrow. I hear the word beach and get excited. I love the beach and just want to get out of this house. It feels like a prison sometimes. I love it here so much but I am watched like a hound and a day at the beach would be so heavenly.

I sit up and put my head in my hand and find a new spot at the table. I may as well go to sleep. It must be at least 9:30 but what else am I going to do and my exhaustion is slowly taking over.

"Uhm, can I go to bed?" I say softly looking up to Stef and Lena. They give me a knowing smile and nod.

"Yes, sure love, lets go upstairs." Stef says standing up. I stand up with her and walk up the stairs. I start walking to my room but she grabs my wrist. I turn around and look at her.

"Love, you will be sleeping with Mama and I tonight." She says sternly but kindly.

"NO WAY!" I say too loudly. "I am 16, not five. I don't need to sleep in your room. Mari will be with me."

Lena walks next to us and looks at me so strong I talk a step back. "This is NOT up for discussion Sweetheart. Get your pajamas and go to our room. Your mother will stay with you while you get them. I will be waiting for you in there." I watch Lena walk off and I'm in shock. Lena definitely disciplines us but it is done differently. Stef is usually the one that lays down the law strictly and demandingly. I look up to Stef who is looking into her room that Lena just walked into.

"You heard her. Go." Stef says guiding me into my room. I quietly walk over to the dresser and grab some pajamas. I have to reach the bottom shelf and am afraid to because I know my stomach will hurt. I bit my lip so I don't voice any pain and quickly grab some shorts. I also grab a t-shirt. I mean Stef and Lena have already seen my cuts anyways.

I turn back around and walk out and head into Stef and Lena's room. Lena is sitting on the bed waiting for me.

"Come here Honey." I am not afraid of what Lena will do but her behavior is definitely confusing me. I just obey and sit on the bed.

"Mom and I love you more than anything but you do NOT get to say no to us. We are the parents and you are the child. You are sleeping in here. I don't want to argue with you. You will get in trouble if you try and battle us about this but the night will still end with you asleep in between the two of us. Do I make myself clear?" I just look at her and nod. When Lena lays down the law I can't help but just comply. With Stef I can push it first before I need to comply but for some reason I just find myself doing exactly what Lena orders.

"So are we going to have to fight some more or are we going to get ready for bed peacefully?" I don't really feel like speaking but I know she actually wants me to verbalize an answer.

"Peacefully," I say quietly.

"Great. You can change in the bathroom but the door stays open." She smiles at me and pats my back. I just get up and walk to the bathroom. I suddenly feel like a little kid who got reprimanded. I just want to cry honestly. I put my pajamas on and look down at my legs. They are really hairy. It is kind of embarrassing. I need to shave them before the beach.

I stick my head out feeling very shy and vulnerable. "Uhm, are we going to the beach tomorrow?" I say looking at their feet.

"Yes Sweets. Why?" Stef said.

"Well, I kind of… Well you see… My legs are really hairy." I can't help but blush a little. I don't know why. I just feel ridiculous that I have to ask to shave my legs and use a razor.

Lena notices the blush and comes and gives me a hug. "You know I love you right baby?" Lena says before kissing my temple.

I just nod.

"I know I was coming on pretty strong there I think we all just need a little break from the negativity and need to work on expressing love, not attitude." I can't help but smile. That sounded more like Lena. She is just as authoritative as Stef but they handle authority in different ways. It seems like Lena is trying to act like Stef more. I wonder if this has anything to do with our conversation by the bathroom door? Does she think I don't feel comfortable enough around her to push her? Is she jealous? I am so confused. Maybe I should ease up on the pushing for a few days and try to soak up the love. I mean I am getting adopted on Monday by these two beautiful women. Maybe I should tone it down a bit.

I just respond with another nod and she sighs a little bit. I think she thinks my lack of words means I am upset. I honestly am not sure how I feel. I don't really trust myself to say too many things when my emotions are high. I have no filter.

"Alright," Lena starts, "you can sit on the edge of the tub and shave. I will go get your razor." Lena looks to Stef who starts ushering me into the bathroom. Clearly they don't want me to see where they are storing them. I wouldn't be surprised if some of it was in Stef's safe. Probably the things that are needed frequently.

"Lena, grab mine too," Stef shouts. I look up at her with my eye brow turned up. "What? I haven't shaved in a long time either!" I just smirk. I watch as Stef gets two towels out and sets them on the edge of the tub. She motions for me to sit on the towel and she sits next to me on the other one. She turns the water on and begins to fill the tub with a few inches of water. Lena comes back in with a bottle of shaving cream and two razors. She gives Stef everything and they look at me. I can tell they are scared to hand it to me.

"You really think I would pull apart a razor and start cutting myself with the two of you in the bathroom with me?" This is why I should just not talk. I just speak the first thing on my mind. It was a little harsh to say but I think it actually helped reassure them a little bit.

"Here Sweets." Stef says handing me the razor. I take it in my hands and just stare at it. The blade is calling out to me. It is making my hands shake. I want it. I want it badly and that is scaring me. Compared to the nail file this would take me five seconds to make five cuts. It would make clean smooth cuts too.

"Callie." Stef said in a concerned voice. I can't look up at her. I just continue to stare at the razor and think of the possibilities. What has happened to me? Shouldn't having talked about Liam caused relief instead of given me a strong desire to cut? I know people always say that cutting can be an act of control. Is it because I feel so out of control when it comes to my feelings?

"Callie." It was said much louder this time. I could hear fear too. I finally look up at Stef and Lena. I realize I am grasping so tight to the razor my hand is white.

I can't do this. I can't shave my legs without cutting myself. I slowly losen my grip on the razor and mumble, "sorry."

"Can I have some shaving cream?" Stef and Lena share a glance. I don't think they want me doing this anymore. "Please?"

Stef slowly hands me the can and I don't let go of the razor. I cup some water from the bottom of the tub and put it on the first leg. I put some shaving cream on and rub it around. I rinse my hand and just stare at my leg ready to be shaved.

I tighten my grip and slowly bring the razor closer to my leg. I start shaking really badly and tears start pouring down my face. I know Stef and Lena are going to intervene. Lena's words about soaking up love is now in my head and I decide I should show them some trust tonight. I bring the razor towards Stef and look at her, tears still pouring down my face.

I put the razor in her open palm and whisper, "I can't do it." I see some tears well up in Stef's eyes too. It must have been hard for them to watch me go through that. Feeling so defeated I lower my head and stare at my leg covered in shaving cream.

"I can," Stef whispers back. I give her a confused look. She turns so she is facing me with one leg on either side of the tube. I watch as she slowly lifts my leg and puts my foot on the side of the tub in between her legs. I bite my lip. This is uncomfortable for me but I can't help but feel loved by the way Stef is taking care of me. It feels nice. Before I know what I am doing I am reaching my hand out towards Lena. She is watching Stef so she doesn't notice me.

"Lena," I whisper. I see her quickly look over to me and smile. She walks over and grabs my hand. She kneels by the tub and wraps her arms around me. Her head is level with my stomach. She leans her head against it and I wince in pain. Her head went right on my cuts. I quickly clutch my stomach and gasp in pain.

"Oh my goodness Sweets did I hurt you?" Stef says with a panic stricken voice. She then notices I am clutching my stomach.

"Callie what is wrong with your stomach?" Lena says reaching for my shirt. I hold the bottom of my shirt so she can't lift it.

"Stomachache," I lie. They both look at me funny not believing it.

"Why don't we finish this first and then address your stomach, yes?" Lena and I both nod, not really sure what to say. I watch Stef shave my leg, rinse off the excess cream, apply more on the other leg, shave that one, and then rinse it off as well. She cleans off the razors and hands them to Lena. Lena gets up, dries them off, and then brings them out of the room.

Stef stands me up and I step out of the tub. I am in sort of a trance. I just am in fear of the fact they might find out what I have done. She carefully leads me into the bedroom and sits me on the bed. I look down at the floor as she just looks at me.

Lena returns but I stay looking down. "Okay honey," Lena starts, "We are going to check for new cuts."

I look up at them and slowly nod. I turn my wrists out to them and show that there are no new marks. I wonder if they can tell I am shaking with fear at what they will find. Stef grabs my wrist and removes the old gauze.

"What are you doing?" I say grumpily pulling my arm away.

"I'll just pretend the way you asked that question wasn't disrespectful." Stef says. I roll my eyes. "Or that you didn't just roll your eyes at me. Love, I need to clean the cuts again and then we need to let them air out. They are going to need air if we want them to heal properly. You can see some of them are already starting to close up."

I repeat Lena's words about expressing love over again in my head until I am confident I can do so. I just nod and watch as Lena puts a first aid kit on the bed next to Stef. She sprays some cleaning stuff on it and whipes it down. I can see some of the cuts starting to scab. They don't look infected either which is nice. I remember one time at an old foster home I started throwing up and got a fever. My cuts were bright red and looked absolutely terrible. I cleaned them and stuck it out until they eventually started healing. It took about three weeks until I felt back to normal. That is partially why I am just going to let Stef clean them without complaining. I wonder if I should let her clean my stomach. I have a feeling that the nail file I used was not very clean. I am so stupid I should have washed it first.

"Okay love, all done." Stef says rubbing my hand. I take my wrist back and look at the cuts. I hope the scars aren't too bad.

"Now we need to check for new cuts Honey," Lena says carefully. I can tell she is trying to see how I am going to react. I wonder if she can see all the blood leaving my face. I must look pale.

"I showed you there are no more new ones." It took all of my strength to say that without attitude. I am suprised I was able to.

"Yes love, but your arms are not the only place you can cut. We both can do this or you can pick just Mama or I. I am going to have to ask you to take your shirt and pants off so we can see. I know this is uncomfortable but you are safe with us. We aren't going to hurt you."

I bite my lip. This can't be happening. "Stef I haven't cut. You both have been with me every second of the day."

"Not in the bathroom." Lena says quietly.

"I know you cleared out everything. You told me you were going to take precautions. I wouldn't waste my time looking when I know there wouldn't be anything to find." Is that convincing? I wonder what they are going to say. I feel guilty for lying. I love them so much and it hurts that I am being dishonest. I should have told the truth because I know I am probably not going to get out of this. Now I have just lied and am going to get caught.

"Mama or I?" Stef says sternly. I look to Lena, then to Stef. I am not sure who I should pick. I know that the other one will be sad. I mean who would I be less embarrassed to stand in front of in just my bra and underwear? I can feel my face getting red. I think they noticed this because their faces are filling with sympathy.

"Baby?" Lena says sweetly. I look up to her eyes. She is so kind and gentle. She makes me feel loved and cared for by just one look. I want her. I want my Mama. But then I look to Stef. The person I am identical too. The woman I am probably going to be someday. I look into her eyes and feel the deep connection. I feel the strong love and bond that is unbreakable. I want her. My Mom, my Mommy. Well this got me no where. I want both. But I realize it would probably be less awkward with only one set of eyes on me.

"Cals Sweets, please pick one of us or we will both just stay." I can feel unease in the room. I smile and try to relieve some of the tension.

"So I have a feeling "neither" is an unacceptable answer?"

"Yes babydoll." Lena replies.

"Uhm, ok look. I'll just spare you guys the trouble." Before I know what I am doing I stand up and take off my shirt. I hear two gasps. I look down at the mess of about seven Band-Aids across my stomach. I don't stop there either. I rip one Band-Aid off and tears stream down my face. I fall to my knees in pain and suck in a big breath.

"Callie!" Lena has her hands on my face and is trying to get me to calm down. I feel arms lifting me up and bringing me to the bed. I am laid down on my back and I just shut my eyes trying to escape this nightmare. I take a pillow and put it over my face as I feel hands working on my stomach. I cry out in pain as the Band-Aids are removed. I feel someone trying to remove the pillow from my face but I clutch it tightly and groan.

"Stef please don't get her moving more I can't clean these cuts and they don't look good. We need to clean them more thoroughly and having her move around is making it harder." This suprises me. I thought for sure Stef was cleaning the cuts. Lena must have went to work as soon as Stef set me down.

I feel the bed shift and someone lift the side of the pillow enough to put their head next to mine. Stef is under the pillow with me. I feel Lena spray some disinfective spray on them and I sit up quickly gasping and jump off the bed.

"Callie Honey, I am sorry it stings. The cuts are not infected but by the way they look they could be if we don't stay on top of it. Can you please lay back down for me." The words infected are enough for me to go and lay down back on the pillow. I shut my eyes tightly and Stef lays back down lacing my fingers between hers. Lena works quickly on my stomach. I can't help the few tears that escape due to the searing pain from the cuts.

I finally feel gauze being placed down and hear tape being ripped. I didn't notice how heavy I was breathing until Stef laid her hand on my stomach above the cuts when Lena was done. I tense until I feel her squeeze my hand and kiss my temple. I keep my eyes shut tightly. The only noise in the room is my disoriented breaths. I sigh very heavily and am able to get my breathing completely back to normal after about ten minutes. I know they were waiting for me to calm down.

"You did this in the bathroom." Lena states. It wasn't a question. "But the question is, what did you use baby?" I keep my eyes closed. Avoidance is my only hope right now.

"Please Callie, please talk to me. I need you to help me. We can't fight for you on our own. We need your assistance. Please baby, my heart is just breaking." Lena's voice was cracking. I am not giving away the nail file.

"I'm not going to tell you. I am just being honest." I still haven't opened my eyes.

"Okay Callie. But you will be in eye sight at all times. Changing and the bathroom will be done with opened doors and we will be in the room with you while you shower. Callie you have to trust us. Baby if you tell us when you are tempted we can help you. Baby, I need your help. We need your help." Lena's pain filled voice is killing me.

"Metal nail file, in the nail polish bag under the sink." I open my eyes as Lena walks out of the room and I assume she is going to get it. I sit up still in just my bra but it pulls at the cuts. I hiss in pain and lay back down.

I start to feel really sad. I just want to be happy. I don't want to be a cutter and I just want my Moms. I decide to express love. Let some guards down and love on my Moms. I look at Stef and try and decide if I am going to give into the desire to call her Mom. I want to so bad. I want her to be my Mom and I want to call her that. I decide to do it before I can change my mind and I lose my confidence.

"Mom?" I whisper. I look up at Stef and I see a hint of confusion, shock and then pure love. She is smiling but there is still pain in her eyes. They quickly fill with tears.

Stef's point of view:

I look down at Callie. She just called me Mom. My baby girl just called me Mom. I can't help the tears that were in my eyes from flowing down. My baby, my sweet sweet girl. I lean down and kiss her forehead. My heart has never been filled with so much love.

"Yes my baby?" I whisper back.

"I love you and I am sorry if I disappointed you." She whispers. My heart breaks for my daughter. She just wants to be happy and is so confused and hurting. I still can't believe she called me Mom. My heart is over joyed. I never thought I would hear those words from her. I know how close she was with her biological Mom that I didn't expect her to call us that. I don't think I have ever heard a better word come out of her mouth.

"My love, you are hurting and not sure what to do with yourself. I know this is really hard. Mama and I are here to help you. We are not disappointed in you. We just wish you would trust us and let us help you." I look into her eyes. She moves closer to me and wraps her arms around me fully. I hold onto her tight. I hear another tiny whisper.

"I do trust you Mommy. I trust you both." She is shaking but I can't tell why. And I thought I liked hearing her call me Mom. I am pretty sure I like Mommy better than Mom. I let a few more tears fall and try to get my emotions in check. The pride and love I feel from hearing those words from Callie's mouth is overwhelming.

"Baby are you okay?" I try to pull back to look at her but she tightens her grip. I relax to see what she will do.

"I'm sorry I called you that." This time I push back forcefully so I can look into her eyes. I keep one arm around her and take the other one and cup her face.

"My sweet daughter. One of my favorite things in the world is to hear my children call me Mom. You have made my night baby. I love hearing the name "Mom" come out of your mouth. You are my daughter and I am your Mommy. It is natural and makes sense because I am your Mom and so is Mama." I feel one more tear trickle down my face. I can't believe MY Callie girl called me Mom and Mommy. I am on cloud nine.

Lena comes in and lays on the other side of Callie. "How are you girls holding up here?" Callie just shrugs and I smile. I don't want to embarrass her. I will tell Lena later.

"Callie Sweetheart, I found the nail file. You need to be really careful. There is rust on it. Not that I am encouraging the cutting but if you find something to use you need to make sure it is clean. This could be very dangerous." I feel Callie stiffen next to me. I know Lena sees this too because we both are staring at Callie worriedly.

"What is it Sweets?" I ask her carefully.

"I have had infected cuts before but I couldn't tell anyone. I cleaned them everyday but was extremely sick. I was lucky to have the infection just go away. When I looked online it said you needed antibiotics. I was really sick for three weeks. We got in trouble when we were sick because it caused extra work for the Foster family. It was terrible. I thought I was dying." My heart shatters at the thought of an extremely sick Callie taking care of herself and Jude and having to hide it from the family she was living with. That is so sick and twisted. My poor girl needs so much love and for someone to take care of her. "It just brings back bad memories, sorry."

"Sweetheart, you need to stop apologizing. I am sorry you had to go through that." I just watch Callie shrug. Maybe I can hug her until the pain goes away. I wrap both arms around her and hold her tight.

"I'm really tired." I hear her say quietly.

"I think sleep sounds wonderful" Lena says. Lena wraps her arms around both of us and we all snuggle under the covers. I hold onto my daughter like my life depends on it. I feel the same hold from Lena on Callie and I. I kiss Callie's head and reach over to kiss Lena on the lips. I miss her. I probably kissed her a little too deeply but I miss my wife's closeness. I close my eyes content and my heart filled with joy by the fact Callie has called me Mom.


	13. Chapter 13

** I am sorry it took so long. I went on vacation and didn't have Wifi, which means I couldn't update. I just got back and this is the first thing that I did haha. Let me know what you think. I haven't completely decided what direction I want to take with this so let me know suggestions please! **

I wake up before Stef and Lena. That doesn't happen very often it must be early. I look at the clock and am surprised that it is eight in the morning. That is like sleeping in for Mom's. They must really be tired. I feel guilty because I know I am the cause of that. I am almost tempted to get up and get some fresh air but I know Mom's will be mad. I don't want to ruin my chances to go to the beach. I stare at Lena and watch her sleep so peacefully. Sometimes I feel like I hurt her because of the relationship Stef and I have. I hope she realizes that I don't love Stef more than her. I feel Stef moving next to me and close my eyes.  
"Good Morning, Sweets." I just smile at her, still too tired to actually say anything. "Wow," Stef says looking at the clock, "It is late." I look at her questioningly that she thinks eight is late.

"Hey I am old." Stef defends.

"And loud," Lena grumbles opening her eyes. "Morning love bug," Lena says while kissing my cheek. "Morning Sweetheart," Lena says kissing Stef on the lips.  
"I want to be at the beach by ten." Stef says sitting up. "Pack lunch and spend all day there. We can walk to the pier for dinner. Does that sound fun baby?" She says looking at me.  
"I still don't get why you guys want me to have fun. I am grounded." I see Stef smirk.  
"True, but you also have had a long week and have a reason for uncontrollable emotions. We are more lenient because you are going through a hard time. BUT, you are only allowed to have fun WITH us." Lena smiles. "I think a day out as a family is a good idea anyways so you might as well enjoy it."  
"Why don't I wake everyone else up while you and Callie go make something for breakfast, yes?" Stef says to Lena.  
"Sure baby," Lena says as she takes my hand dragging me out of bed and down the stairs. Clearly, she wants me close.  
I help Lena make eggs, bacon, and pancakes. Everyone slowly makes their way downstairs and I can't help but be comforted by the normalcy of it all. It's chaotic but perfect. That is exactly how we are. Breakfast was over rather quickly because everyone is ready to get to the beach.  
Lena has me her and Mariana in an assembly line making sandwiches, while Stef takes the boys to get chairs, blankets, coolers, and beach toys. Our family trips to the beach is one of my favorite things to do.  
Stef instructs everyone to get their bathing suit, towel, a change of clothes, and a sweatshirt just in case. I watch my siblings fly up the steps and get irritated that I can't go get my own stuff.  
"Uhm can someone come with me to get my stuff?" I ask without any hint of attitude. It took a lot of effort.  
"Sure baby, let's go." Lena says guiding me up the stairs. I catch the smile between Stef and Lena. I know that me asking for them to come with me kindly instead of running off or using attitude is seen as an improvement. At least it makes them happy. Only for them do I have the strength to push my attitude away.  
We get to my room and Mariana is trying on five different bathing suits and cover ups while trying to figure out which towel matches best. I can't help the giggle that escapes my mouth from her need to always look so put together and fashionable. We are so different but it is one of the many things I love about her.  
I go to my drawer and open it to remember I left my bathing suit at school. We are swimming in gym.  
"Oh no!" I moan.  
"What!?" Lena panics, over reacting way too much.  
"Goodness chill, I left my bathing suit at school." I am kind of surprised by my reaction. I had full on attitude with Lena. I think I always thought she was so fragile but the more I let her in the more I see how strong she truly is.  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude I was just upset. I only have one bathing suit." I say softly. Lena looks frustrated but I can't read her. Why would she be upset I apologized? Is she mad I left my bathing suit at school? "It was an accident." I say nervously. "I don't have to swim."  
"Oh no honey it's no big deal we will find something for you to wear. I am not upset at all." I look at her confused. So she was upset I apologized? I'm still confused. I'm not sure what to do.  
"Ok, thanks." I say nervously.  
"You can wear one of mine!" Mariana squeals excitedly. "I have some adorable ones. Look through there," she says pointing to her pile of bathing suits on the bed. "I can give you a matching cover up and towel too!" She is way too excited about a bathing suit. I can't help but smile at her though.  
I look through the bathing suits and start to get anxious when I realize these are all two pieces.  
"Are these all you have?" I ask Mariana trying to keep the panic out of my voice. I really don't want to explain why I can't wear a bikini.  
"You don't like them?" She asks sounded hurt.  
"No they are great it is just I don't usually wear two pieces." She just nods confused at this.  
"They are all two pieces," I say looking to Lena with wide eyes. I can feel myself start to breathe heavily. I am so emotional it doesn't take a lot to get me worked up. I can't wear I a two piece with my stomach!  
"Callie come with me honey." Lena ushers me out of the room rather quickly and into her room. She cups my face and breathes deeply wanting me to do the same. I follow her breathing and bring my face close to hers so our foreheads are touching. The only sound in the room is our deep breaths as she slowly brings me back to sanity.  
"I can't wear a two piece Lena. I can't let them see my stomach! My wrists are easier to hide but everyone will see my stomach clear as day." I whisper crying.  
"Baby," Lena says whipping the tears off my face. "It will be okay. I have an idea." She grabs my hand and brings me over to her dresser.  
"Look." I watch as Lena grabs a white shirt out from a drawer. "It's a surf shirt for wearing when you are swimming. It's perfect. Mariana will even accept it because white goes with everything!" I smile at her.  
I give her a big hug and burry my head in her chest. "I love you Mama."  
"What baby?" It took me a lot of courage to say Mama to her out loud. The fact that she didn't hear me made me completely lose my confidence.

"I said I love you Lena".

"I love you too baby. Lets go! I am ready to spend a day at the beach with you."

"Me too." I wish I could have called her Mama but it was hard enough to say it the first time. I fear complete rejection. When Lena and I get downstairs everyone is ready and waiting to go. We all pile into the car and head out for the beach. I choose to sit in the back just for some space. Of course Stef and Lena noticed, because they notice everything.

I stare out the window while there is conversation going around through out the car. Even though I don't partake in the conversation in this exact moment I feel content. I don't have to worry about anything and it feels so normal. "We are here!" I hear Jude yell pulling me out of my trance. I feel kind of weird. What does it look like to be grounded at the beach? I know Mom's said I could have fun but am I allowed to do things without them?

I step out of the car and feel my breath hitch in my throat. I see the back of a man's head and I swear that it is Liam. I can feel myself start to get worked up. I put all of my strength and energy into staying calm and keeping my breathing elevated. I can't see the face but I am almost certain it is him. I feel my pulse quicken and all of the blood leave my face.

"Callie, come on bug." I hear Stef shout to me. They all have already headed towards the sand. Her voice gives me instant relief and it is enough to push the feelings away and give me enough strength to close the car door. I look over to her and nod and then look back and the man is gone. I can't help the chill that runs through my entire body. I run over to Stef and get so close to her it is hard to walk without falling. I put one arm around her and she instinctively puts one around me. I feel safe when I am wrapped in her arms. Out of Liam's reach. My brain must be playing tricks on me. There is no way Liam is here.

We find a spot and set up camp. Jesus puts a huge umbrella up that Stef and Lena set chairs underneath. I lay a towel underneath it right next to Stef and Mariana next to me in the sun. I want to be close to Stef. I don't want to leave her side. I am all shaken up about thinking I saw Liam. Stef laid out a huge blanket for the boys. They throw their towels on it, take off their shirts and charge into the water. They put sunscreen on before we got here so that they could get to the water faster.

"Come here babies you need sunscreen." Stef says gesturing towards me and Mariana. We go over to Stef and Lena who each have a bottle. I stand in front of Lena as she sprays sunscreen on every inch of exposed skin. I can't help but smile at the way they take care of me. Even the simple act of applying on sunscreen makes me feel loved. No one has cared enough to want to even put it on me. After Lena finishes I turn around and give her a big kiss on the cheek. Every time I am around her I feel the need to call her Mama. I push the thought away and go lay on my towel. I angle my body so I am pressed against Stef's chair. Even though it is just her chair I need to feel as close to her as possible.

Mariana is already laying down and has her eyes closed trying to get a tan. Lena and Stef are quietly talking about the boys in the water as I stare at the top of the umbrella. I am afraid to close my eyes. I stare for about ten minutes listening to the waves and Lena and Stef's voices. I am not listening to what they are saying but just the sound of their voices make me feel safe and comforted.

"I think I am going to head in the water." Stef says standing up. I start to feel anxious about her leaving me. I can't be here without her. What if I really did see Liam.

"WAIT!" I cry loudly. It was such an immediate reaction I had no time to mask the panic in my voice. I try to control myself as I am on the verge of tears.

Stef turns around and rushes back to my side. I bite my lip so I don't let any tears fall and try to think of an excuse for my outburst.

"Baby, what's wrong? I am right here." I don't want to tell her I thought I saw Liam. They will think I am insane or something. I can't believe I am seeing things.

"Sorry. I just want to come to the water with you." I look into Stef's eyes. She knows I am lying.

"Love, what is it? Why were you so scared that I was going down there?" Stef is studying me very carefully. She is trying to look for any signs that help explain my reaction.

"I just want to be with you, is that so bad?" I can feel myself starting to get defensive.

"No love. You can come with me but I know there is something more. We can talk about it later."

"Oh Joy." I mumble.

"I heard that Callie," Stef smirks.

"I know." I smirk back trying to make her think I am okay. She takes my hand and we start walking towards the water. When we get about half way she puts her arm around my waist and stops me from walking forward.

"Babe, I let it go because I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable because I know Mariana was watching us, but I have never heard so much fear and panic in your voice that I know it was something serious. I saw the terror in your eyes love, it scared me. Please let me know what's wrong so I can help you. I hated seeing you so afraid." I don't say anything I just look to the ground. "I can tell ever sense you got here that something is wrong. You were leaning against my chair just to be close. I am not complaining, I love that you want to be close to me but I know there is something you are not telling me." I still stay looking to the ground. How did she even realize I was leaning against her chair for comfort? Seriously sometimes it freaks me out how observant they are. We can never get away with anything. "Please don't shut me out love." She lifted my head up.

"I am fine." Stef gives me a small smile not convinced. I know she will keep a closer eye on me but in this moment it is actually in my favor. I am afraid to be without her. She guides me towards the water and we get to where the water is at our knees. She gets a mischievous look on her face and I know she is about to tackle me into the ocean. Before she can get the chance I run away from her. I squeal when I look back and see her chasing me. I can't help but laugh as I run away from Stef. I look up at Lena who is watching us with an amused smile. Stef keeps getting closer and closer and I know I am not going to be able to outrun her. I quickly cut up the beach and get to Lena. I dive behind her and grab her around the waist.

"Mama help me!" I continue laughing. Lena turns around and looks at me with the biggest smile I have ever seen. I finally called her Mama. Stef stops at my words of calling her Mama and is smiling just like Lena. I watch Lena rise to her feet and tackle Stef to the ground. Stef and I both gasp. Lena has never done anything like that in front of us before. Stef starts laughing so hard at Lena's actions that she can't muster up the strength to get her off of her. I can't help but laugh with them. I look over to Mariana who is fast asleep. I wish she could have seen that. Lena is still on top of Stef and dips down to kiss her. Once she is done kissing Stef she climbs off of her and walks over to me. I can see that she has a few tears in her eyes as she brings me into a bear tight hug. I think I just felt a bone snap.

"Can't breathe." I whisper to Lena who giggles.

"Sorry baby. I just love you so much. Your Mama loves you so much." I guess she liked me calling her Mama. That is a big relief, I don't know why I was so nervous. She kisses my forehead and turns around when we hear Stef's voice.

"That was evil bug. You turned Mama against me." Stef tries to sound threatening but she can't stop smiling which makes her less intimidating. Lena moves behind me as Stef starts walking towards me. I back up only to bump into Lena who wraps her arms around me from behind. Oh no. I think I have just been played.

"Let go." I start to laugh.

"You see love," Stef starts as she walks forward. "Mama may help you out, but in the end her and I are always a team." I gasp as Lena tightens her grip. Stef walks closer and closer painfully slow.

"No!" I half laugh and scream. "Traitor!" I yell to Lena. I feel Lena laugh behind me. Stef is right in front of me at this point. Before I know what is happening Stef wraps me up in a huge hug between her and Lena. I think she is about to pull back but she quickly dips down and picks me up in her arms carrying me like a baby and heads down to the water.

"Mariana help!" I look at Mariana who sits up and takes a few minutes to figure out what is happening. Mariana laughs and runs towards us. I fling my arms to try to get lose but it is too hard because I am laughing too much. I kick my legs hard and thought I am about to be free until Stef repositions me and I end up on her hip like if she was holding a toddler. It makes me blush but before I can react and be embarrassed we are at the edge of the water. I look back to find that Lena has caught Mariana and she is being tickled.

"Looks like it is just you and me." Stef says smirking. She is freakishly strong. I guess she has to be because she is a cop. "You are going in so you might as well just embrace it. I promise I will through you in one way or another." I decide to change my tactics. If she is throwing me in she is going with me. I change my position so I am in front of her and wrap my legs around her waist and my arms around her neck. Stef stumbles with my position change. She laughs at what I have just done and says, "Fine, looks like we are both going in." I guess I should have guessed she didn't care to go in the water but at least we both go under instead of her just throwing me in. I don't want to give her that satisfaction. The first time we went to the beach she threw Jude in. She tried with me one other time but I wouldn't go near her the rest of the day.

She runs into the water and jumps submerging us both fully underwater. As fast as she puts us under she pulls us back out. I know she wants to make sure I am okay. I don't have time to register the stinging of my cuts until I breathe in some air. The saltwater makes my cuts burn so bad. I don't want to draw attention to myself because the boys have made their way over. I just put pressure on them which gives them a little relief. Brandon and Jesus instantly tackle Stef and now all of them are wrestling in the water. Jude makes his way over to me. He looks so happy. I would do anything to see this pure joy stay on his face.

"This may be the best day ever," Jude says as he gets right next to me. I know my voice may crack because of the pain I am feeling so I just nod and force a big smile on my face.

"Want to try and surf?" He asks me hopefully. Normally I would have said yes but having to start of laying on the surf board makes me cringe at the thought of it brushing against my stomach.

"Maybe next time bud. I don't think I would even be able to stand up and my stomach hurts." I realized it might look suspicious that I continue to clutch my stomach so I may as well just act like I have a stomachache. My stomach is starting to get itchy, really itchy. It is taking all my strength not to scratch at the cuts. I can't help it as I scratch it for a tiny bit over the shirt. It gives me instant relief. I scratch it a few more times until the relief turns into pain so I apply more pressure.

Jude and I just float there talking for a few minutes until we feel splashes on our faces as Stef, Brandon, and Jesus make their way over. They come over as we all tread water and talk. I instinctively move over to Stef. She looks over at me as I move next to her. I just avoid her gaze. I don't feel safe unless I am next to her.

"I have too much salt water in my eyes. I am getting out for now." Stef declares swimming towards shore. I follow her. As we get to the shore I run beside her to catch up. She looks over at me and wraps her arm around my shoulder.

"You know if you need to talk about anything Mama and I are right here, yes?" I just look up at her and nod. I snuggle closer and wrap both my arms around her waist. I feel her sigh. I know it drives her crazy that I am keeping something from her. She is really worried too.

We get to the top and Stef sits in her chair. I avoid my towel entirely and sit in front of Stef's knees leaning my back against her legs.

Stef's Point of View

I look over to Lena as Callie sits in front of my legs. "See?" I mouth to her. She gives me a puzzled look in return. I shrug my shoulders at her indicating that I have no clue what is going on. I am concerned because I can tell she is afraid of something but I don't know what. Did she have a bad experience at the beach before? I try to think of every possibility but I am stumped.

I feel Lena intertwine her fingers into mine and it makes me smile. She seriously is the love of my life. She completes me like no other. I don't feel complete unless Lena is by my side. She squeezes my hand to get my attention. Once I lock eyes with her she looks at Callie. She points to her own stomach, which causes me to look over at Callie who is tightly pressing down on hers.

"Baby?" Lena says. She directed this at Callie but she must be deep in thought because she doesn't hear her. "Callie baby?" Lena tries again. I watch Callie snap her head up a little too quickly and looks at Lena.

"Your stomach okay?" She asks calmly. My wife's voice is so naturally soothing it's incredible. I watch Callie as she turns around and removes her hand. The white surf shirt Lena lent her has a blood spot over where her cuts are. I grab Lena's purse that has a first aid kit in it and get out some waterproof Band-Aids and an alcohol wipe.

"What happened?" Lena has now moved down next to Callie and is trying to lift her shirt but Callie has taken ahold of Lena's hands and prevents her from doing so. I watch Callie look over at Mariana and visibly relax by the fact that she is asleep. She then looks to the boys and they are occupied in the water. She removes her hold on Lena's hands and allows her to lift her shirt. I can't help but feel relieved that she trusts Lena enough to let her lift her shirt. The only reason she stopped her the first time was because she was afraid other people were looking. I cringe at the look of the cuts when Lena moves the shirt out of the way. They are puffy and red and three of them have blood coming out of them. I am hoping they are not infected.

"Sweets did you scratch them?" I ask moving down to the ground with her and Lena. I notice scratch marks around the cuts but I ask her anyways. She looks up at me and nods biting her lip. I clean up the blood and apply probably too many waterproof Band-Aids.

"I am sorry I stained your shirt." She says looking to Lena. She looks ashamed like she just committed a crime.

"It's okay sweetheart," Lena assures, "We can probably get it out. Here want me to rinse it out with some water so you can put it back on? I have some tide to go too. That way no one will see the blood?" A smile of gratitude appears on Callie's lips as she nods again.

I get real close to her and pull her up close to me. I can tell she needs the extra assurance by the way she has been following me around. I just wish she would tell me why. I feel her bury her head into my chest. I can't tell if she is crying but I just hold her tight whispering that I love her over and over again.

"Alright honey I got it all out. See? No harm done and no one will know." Lena is so good. She is so much better at this than me.

"Thanks Mama." Callie whispers.

"You are welcome baby," Lena smiles rubbing her back. I watch her hand Callie the shirt and she instantly slips it over her head. I know she didn't like sitting so exposed with her cuts out like that. With Callie still in my arms I feel Lena lean her head against my other shoulder. My family is so touchy. Callie and I are both the most affectionate but Lena is a close second. When it is the three of us we just cuddle all the time, but that is okay with me because touch is my love language too.

Callie's Point of View

"Uhm, Mom?" I whisper.

"Yes my love?" Stef says and I can hear the smile in her voice. I guess she is still getting used to me calling her that.

"I have to go to the bathroom." I look up at her and Lena. I am not allowed to be alone and I don't want to be.

"Actually so do I honey," Lena exclaims. "Come on I will take you." I watch her stand up. No I need Stef. What if Liam really is here and tries to get to me. Stef is a cop. I don't move.

"Actually I changed my mind." I say not leaving Stef's embrace. I feel Stef unwrap her arms from me.

"Love, Mama will go with you. You will be fine." Stef says standing up and reaching out to grab my hand and help me up. I just look at her not taking her hand staying seated. I start getting worked up.

"No. I don't have to go anymore." I said a little louder than normal.

"You changed your mind from five seconds ago?" Stef says impatiently. She hates when we raise our voice even if it is only a slight elevation.

"Can you take me?" I say looking up at Stef. I feel my eyes start to well up as I look up at Stef. I see Stef look to Lena who looks hurt. I don't mean to hurt her but Stef can protect me if need be.

"Callie, Mama will go with you. What's going on love? You are confusing us."

"Nothing." I say defensively. "Can't you just come _with_ us?" I look at Stef giving her the biggest eyes I can muster up.

"Sweetheart I don't understand why you are so against going to the bathroom with me?" Lena said. I hate that I am hurting her feelings.

"I just want to be with you. Please." I say as my breathing starts to get irregular. It breaks my heart that I have to outwardly say I want Stef but I don't know what else to do. I sneak a peek at Lena and see that a mixture of pure hurt and sadness are etched on her face. Damn. I need to fix this.

"Okay." I say standing up taking Lena's hand. "I am sorry I want you to take me." I am terrified but I would rather me be scared than Lena be hurt. I see confusion on both their faces. They must think I am going crazy. My emotions are going back and forth more than normal and they don't even know why this time.

"Uhm, okay?" Lena says puzzled. I bet she thinks I am just doing it to make her feel better.

"I really want you to take me Mama, I am sorry about before I was just being defiant." I knew that if I threw in that I just wanted to be defiant they wouldn't think it was that out of character about how I have been acting lately.

"Okay baby, let's go." I take Lena's extended hand and can't help the fact that it is shaking.

"You okay Honey?" Lena looks over as we continue to walk. I am making her hand shake too.

"Yup!" I say overenthusiastically. I get real close and wrap my arms around her just like I did Stef before. I still feel safe in Lena's arms it is just there is an extra comfort by the fact that Stef is a cop and is crazy strong. I inwardly groan when we get to the bathroom because there is a line going out both the Women's and Men's restroom. The sun is beating down on us so I unwrap myself from Lena because it is too hot. There are three people ahead of us until we actually get into the bathroom itself. I look around and glance towards the five boys standing outside the bathroom and my heart stops when I see my worst enemy. Staring directly at my face is Liam.

I try not to freak out. I slowly back up into Lena and we both almost lose our balance. She looks down at me questioningly as she grabs me around the waist to steady ourselves so we don't fall over. I try to think of what I should do. I don't like that Liam has seen Lena. Should I make her go back to the beach or should I stay there and pretend like nothing happened. Should I tell Lena that it's him? I am not sure what to do. I decide not making a scene is best. Liam threatened me that if I told anyone he would hurt Jude. Maybe I could tell her secretively. I slowly turn my head and look back at him. He is not looking in this direction. Now is my chance.

I hit Lena to get her attention suddenly. She looks down at me and I mouth "Liam". She mouth's back "what?". At least she knows I am trying to be discreet. I look over at Liam again who averts his eyes when he sees me look at him. Usually he would try to make me uncomfortable. I decide we need to get out of here. Maybe he knew Stef reported it and I am the reason his family can't foster. I am still staring at him. He terrifies me but for some reason I can't look away. Lena hits my hand and says, "Callie don't stare." But I barely hear it because of the evil look I am now receiving from Liam. I scoot closer to Lena and stare straight ahead hoping in this situation that I truly am insane and that Liam is just a hallucination.


End file.
